Hilman

Hey, Its kinda hard to begin, guess ill just throw it out there. I am a 20 year old male and I need some help. I dont ever ask for it but nobody I know would understand. I have been illegally taking adderall for two years now. My girlfriend(four years) has been supplying me. Ever since we moved in it spiraled down, horrible mess i dont want to get into. The end result we just broke up and I want to quit adderall but she wont. It makes us irritable, fight constantly, and im afraid she doesnt love me or ANYTHING anymore. I feel small and alone. All I do is work, smoke, come home, repeat. I use to be an amazing wrestler and was enlisting in the US army (11b with parachutist schooling) because of it. I was 5'7" and 152 lbs. Real lean, athletic, strong, confident, HEALTHY. I was permanently disqualified because I fail a drug test for amphetamines (adderall). Similar story with my wrestling team. I love my job and am very efficient but I have lost my friends because of neglect. Now I weigh 123 lbs, smoke heavily, have no friends, and lost the love of my life. I am depressed.Half the time I want to throw these fucking pills out the window. The other half I want to throw myself out that window. All I have is my job and not sure if I should. Im not sure if I could, I need them. I do not feel well typing this. I use to be strong, now I cry by-myself. What is wrong with me.