Jamanda

I have been on Adderall for about 8 years now at various doses. Currently, I am taking 20 mg xr per day which is a decrease from my maximum dose at 40 mg. I am an accountant and a MBA student so my job and school work require me to stay focused. I like being on Adderall. I feel normal on Adderall. But I know I need to quit because I don't think it is sustainable and I want to get pregnant within the next year. I am terrified of what it will be like to be off of Adderall. I am scared I won't be able to perform at my job, but I am the primary income provider so quitting is not an option. Today, I forgot to take my Adderall, which has NEVER happened. But I was in a hurry. Half way through the day, I was wondering why I was so tired. It was extreme tired. Like I could barely keep my eyes open. I had to go home half way through the day to get my medicine. How am I suppose to get through this?? My goal is to quit the Adderall in advance of getting pregnant. My next goal is to step down to 10 mg. But when I tried to take only 10 mg on a weekend, I got super emotional. When I don't take the medicine, all I want to do is cry, sleep, and eat. I don't really have an option of just taking some time off of work. I just feel completely lost. The worst part is that I do not want to quit. I have no bad side effects. It just makes me feel like a normal, functioning human. If I didn't want to have children, I would probably just continue to take it. I am not sure if I am looking for advice here or just want to share my story. I always appreciate advice, but sometimes it is just nice to be able to express how I am feeling to people who understand. My husband is supportive, but will never understand what I am going through. After today, I really realized how difficult this journey is going to be.