rka3921

i started taking adderall nearly 5 years ago (when i was a senior in high school). i'm now a college graduate who is currently taking 50 mg vyvanse daily. for a few years, i've wished i didn't "need" stimulants to get by. i desperatly envy my friends, family, coworkers, etc. who are successful and productive yet don't take adderall/vyvanse. however, even with my medication, i still feel inadequate...although i did go to a challenging well-known/highly ranked university, i could only keep up with about a B average, yet i was surrounded by overachievers who weren't taking the medication i was and were able to get much better grades. i usually just take my daily 50 mg each day (at times i'll take a bit more if it's a super stressful/busy day, but never more than 70 mg), and i guess my body has adjusted to the dosage in terms of how it affects my weight, so i'm at a "normal" weight...by no means super skinny or anything. at my current job, even by the end of the day on my normal dosage, i even feel like the vyvanse effects have worn off and can be extremely unproductive. it's tough to so desperately want to be off of this medication but due to the inadequacies i still feel even when i'm taking it, i'm terrified of facing what seems like the extreme challenge of quitting it. first and foremost, i have a great job now that i love but i'm scared of trying to quit and becoming completely unproductive, not being able to manage my job responsibilities well, and losing it this job or something. also, even though i'm currently taking vyvanse, i'm still not at all pleased with my weight...but scared if i go off of it i will struggle even more greatly with binge eating and gain a ton of weight. not only that, i have add, depression, and anxiety (i do take daily anti-depressants and anxiety meds as needed, though)...and i'm so scared how quitting vyvanse might affect my moods. so i've been wanting to quit but haven't been able to bring myself to do it...especially because it's so easy to keep getting my prescriptions filled and all. i wish i just had 2 weeks where i didn't have work and stuff to deal with getting out of my system, but, unfortunately, that's impossible. however, it turns out i might be forced to quit this week...i moved to a different city for work after i graduated, and for now my mom has been filling my prescriptions and mailing them to me. she shipped my meds early last week priority mail, and they should have arrived by now....but they haven't. which has me concerned that perhaps the package was intercepted, lost, or stolen..and i only have 2 pills left. i'm terrified. i know this might be exactly what i need but i'm worried how much of a negative affect this may have on so many aspects of my life. if anyone could provide advice, suggestions, encouragement, tips, or anything (especially on how to survive through workdays & not eat everything in sight), i would GREATLY appreciate it.