GetToIt

Like a real human. Like me, but a me that requires a nap after lunch like my Grandpa used to. Better that, than a mean, surly and joyless me.

Goldman, Sorry, that wasn't a clear post. My present state is off of adderall for 7 days, and yes I believe a natural healing of my brain is occurring right now but I currently am dealing with an imbalance due to the synthetic chemical's presence. I'm happy to be on the upswing to balance!

Thanks Goldman & InRecovery. You both are stories that spur on my recovery - all that I need to know is that someone else like me has done it before and found success on the other side.

First off, I want to say I love the Falcon, man. He is on every post on this forum and I believe if there were a common sense university, he'd have a PhD. Probably the most valuable degree anyone could have these days. Secondly, I know well the feeling of simply liking the medication, even taken in the regular, prescribed amounts. It is the most effective rationalization that was every perpetrated against me. But therein lied the scariest part of my adderall addiction, my very judgement, which I relied on first before nearly everything in my life, had been circumvented by the drug. Once I realized that i HADN'T realized this fact, I knew I was in a tough spot and I needed to get out of it. For me, it meant looking closely with a clear head over the past 2 weeks on adderall, then the past 2 months, then the past 2 years. When I realized what it truly had affected in my work, I got the chills. I felt like Marty McFly when he realized that one single event triggered several others that turned his dad into a loser and his family into a failure - except I have no delorean to fix everything and return to 1985. It sounds like the feelings might trump judgement for you too - but your obviously too smart to let it go unnoticed for too long. Sure, you can pop it, feel good about your work and a strong sense of comfort about what you're doing - but to really stop and evaluate without drugs in you might reveal something you haven't been able to on the day to day with adderall & vyvanse. Thanks for posting, your honesty with yourself is what makes each of us on the site through one more day of recovery.

"You become all thought and no feelings, and when you quit Adderall all you have is a million strange feelings and no thoughts to bridge the correct ones together. " This is statement is spot-on. a lot of my best qualities come from my intuition and instinct, rather than one-dimensional thought and information. You can imagine how this might affect my self on this spectrum. I am A LOT of feelings and almost devoid o thought in my present state. Scary but awesome, real but ineffective.

Cassie, so nice to hear about a very similar story to mine. I think you're right that we have the perspective of work success before adderall to benefit our recovery. Hearing you echo some of my story just helps to reinforce the reality of the danger Adderall poses to my work life. I don't want to live in a bubble where I lack judgement, even if my product takes longer. Thanks for your feedback!

Hi. So grateful for the creators and all of the contributors to this site. I have been reading through all of the posts and topics and stories for probably a year or more, and I see the support that each member gives (albeit limited by web.) This thing is true blue, and right on target. Most of what I have read on here are stories from high school and college students, many of whom had parents that have put them on or supported their decision to seek out a stimulant to compensate for what we now believe to be a mental impairment called ADHD. However, I am not one of these typical cases. I am 31 years old and started taking Adderall when I was 27 or 28, after having been in the working world post-college for about 3-4 years. I have some clear perspective of a "before and after" that might be difficult for someone that began a medication like this when they were 11 or 12 and are now mid-college. I say this simply because I grew up and knew myself fairly well before beginning Adderall. At the time just prior to my use, I was working a job for a consulting firm rounding up new clients to my portfolio of business every month and making a splash as an up-and-comer in the business. I am the kind of guy that had developed an ease with people and spoke very clearly and make a good impression. I presented confidence without pride or arrogance, and was openly asked for advice by the CEO during meetings to help others understand my success. I was never strong in my school work, but had tried hard enough to make it by, but I wanted to improve my efficiency as my work seemed to progress further and further so I could write proposals faster and think better through them. Basically, I wanted to be smarter. This is where I get pretty hare-brained. I thought that I probably fell along the lines of someone with ADHD, and I read enough about their medications to become curious enough to make an appointment with a doctor and take a test to become eligible for a script for adderall. Check, and check. I remember the first time I took it, I was laying awake in bed for hours. Eventually, I evened out and was amazed at how much more I seemed to be able to do. I continued my work as usual and took my prescribed dosage and continued to spend my efforts at rounding up more business. What is scary is that I didn't recognize the difference in my process until about a year or so after the fact, but I began taking more and more time doing things that weren't important at work, but what I had convinced myself were. Not messing around on the internet or anything like that, but doing these overly-elaborate spreadsheets to track clients and not spending time talking to people around me or outside of the company. At the time, I thought I was taking myself to a new level in my job, and I now realize I didn't have the judgement to re-establish my priorities as I had before adderall and my work seriously suffered. I was also conspicuously silent during team meetings and I remember distinct thought of paranoia about my job and what I was doing. Eventually, I recall getting laid off/fired and the CEO who had lauded me as a wunderkind was now breaking the news to me that I was being let go and mentioned a conference call that had not gone well with a potential client. I don't wish to brag, but keep in mind that I had blown the doors off of my business development goals, and was a leader in my group. Now that was all shot to hell in 1 year after the decision I made to go on adderall. I think that the most insidious part of all of this, is that I didn't fully realize my change of perspective and judgement as a result of the adderall. I even felt good about what I was doing differently because there was a strong but false sense of confidence that had been produced in me. Where I had dealt with normal insecurity because of a clear-minded sensitivity and understanding to my surroundings, I became a determined, hard-headed sometimes-jerk that had a tenancy to be off-putting. My strongest attribute of being able to communicate clearly, establish trust and put people at ease had been atrophied for a false confidence and a few really well-done spreadsheets (I think they kept those.) Now, I am crawling out of the hole and am one day off after a few false start attempts. I have been wandering in the wilderness, but I now know how to return to basecamp and start my way up the right path. I've found that the only way to forge ahead and make it happen is to focus and visualize the return to what you knew you were (or think you are meant to be) without anything like a chemical getting in the way and look at your real self as the new drug that will make you better. Every day that you don't take that drug, you are "drugging" yourself with who you really are and it sets in more every day. Every hour that you choose this means another hour closer to where life makes more sense and your abilities are not suppressed. Taking this journey is a little bit like running in gym class: focusing on the pain makes it worse, but looking at the end point and how close you are getting WILL make it happen.