Snowballing into rock bottom - Need advise/support/positive sobriety stories

[IGotThis]

Hello,

I recently discovered this site a couple days ago as I was on the "holy shit I have an addiction" part of the mental adderall rollercoaster. Of course I spent my entire work morning ignoring e-mails/tasks and going through this site/convincing myself I was going to stop that very moment, only to then panic at the time I wasted and pop a couple more immediate to "get the day going".

To be honest, of all my hyper-fixations that caused me to miss (ignore) a work day, digging through this site may actually have benefitted my life long term and hopefully makes the short term consequences worth it. I am SO glad I've found a space that I can comfortably post about my honest situation and not pretend like I was prescribed adderall as an innocent kid who became a victim of addition. If anything, my childhood was the opposite. I used to have amazing habits, motivation to succeed, genuine curiosity, be a stable foundation in friendships, etc., but now that I've reached the dark side of adderall usage I'm literally the opposite of everything I was so proud to be. 

I have a common backstory to others that have spiraled into abuse (people pleaser, perfectionist, all or nothing mentality, living in a constant state of "stuck", used adderall to study/work at first but not depend on it as a mood enhancer, etc.), but I'd like to get to the main pain points of my current state as I'd LOVE all of the advice/testimonies/encouragement/guidance I can get:

• I'm about to hit an embarrassingly low point in my life and I'm hoping it's my rock bottom, but I also thought my "rock bottom" has happened multiple times this year and have only gone lower. 
  1. I truly think I'm about to get fired from my job as I've made the same major mistakes multiple times now and my inbox is currently on fire because of it. It feels like a "textbook" example of ADHD/adderall abuse, but I have continuously failed to make deadlines at work and simply don't have a valid excuse to why. At first I would be honest about my mistakes, but as the shame and "panic" increased I started lying and saying things were done when they weren't. 
  2. My savings is gone, I have $10k in credit card debt, and I know I need to quit my job in order to start my sobriety journey (if they don't fire me first). My job is a HUGE trigger to my adderall abuse as it's a driving factor in why I started taking it. I honestly don't foresee myself making the necessary lifestyle changes to get better while I'm constantly trying to pull myself out of the growing hole I dug myself into at work. I also don't have the finances to just quit and "figure it out" as my impulse spending drained my "rainy day fund". This conflict point is a big stressor in my life, so if anyone has testimonies or advice here PLEASE share.
  3.  I would really appreciate if anyone could share positive or successful testimonies around quitting adderall (especially if it ultimately helped your career). After reading many forum discussions I felt comfort in knowing I'm not alone in this battle, but I also feel hopeless about the journey. I understand it will be hard/uncomfortable but I need inspiration that doesn't terrify me of the next 30/60/90/365+ days. Were there parts of the recovery journey that you were surprised at how easy/well it went? Did you have "exceptions" to what appear to be the rules of withdrawal/recovery?  I know every story is different but I need hope for the shorter term experiences and not a "in 3 years I could start functioning normally again" moment to look forward to. 

I've tried quitting or "detoxing" my tolerance a few times now and hit some extreme mental lows along the way. I know it's not an easy or linear progress battle but I'm desperate to change my way of life. I simply can't continue or sustain this lifestyle.

Honestly I'm not going to proof read this because it'd probably waste 1-2 hours of my time rephrasing each sentence so hopefully it's not too jumbled. Long story short- I'm new here, I'm scared, I'm embarrassed, I'm ashamed/mad at myself, and I need help. Please share all uplifting stories/tips/guidance!

[HoldensRHM]

How are you doing now?