32 months

[nomorespeed]

I am 32 months clean from adderall, still feel depressed and not feeling like my old self before taking adderall. Can Paws last longer 3 years? I drank alcohol during my recovery, I’m thinking that has hindered my brain from fully recovering. I have quit all substances besides caffeine, and I also have found out I have mild sleep apnea. So that could be why I don't feel my best. I also been through a lot weight changes and diet changes from abusing drugs to not, so I believe my hormones and a little all over the place. Im trying to find the right amount to eat and  best diet. I think I may have a eating disorder that was caused from adderall, I try to maintain a weight that isn't right for me but looks good. I have had good days but it has been a long time. I switch my forms of caffeine sometimes. Coffee makes me feel strung out and on edge but gets me through the day. I try to just drink vitamin caffeine drinks like Zipfiz or Celsius but I don't feel the energy like i get from coffee. Caffeine is honestly the only thing that is getting me through my days. Im still in college but graduate in Fall. I hope I can figure all of this stuff out, its been rough but i know how it feels to be back to yourself. I quit back in 2018 for a year and felt like I returned to normal and felt amazing but ending up feeling so good that I got back on them and abused them for 2 more years heavily. I abused adderall, benzos and alcohol all at the same time, for a while I speedballing them all, so thats why I think it's taking so long for me to get back to normal. I will not loose hope or faith. I know it will happen. Things do get better and Ive experienced it, at a time I honestly felt better sober than I did when I abusing adderall. Once you've been away from it for a while you see how disgusting it is and the cycle that you get stuck in. I cant stand that it is just a temporary state of being and it goes away, that is just so depressing when you think about it. It is not really you. You return to a state that is lower than you were before from when you took it. It also is not hard to tell when someone is strung out. Please don't take this stuff it only leads to dependance and addiction.