LILTEX41 Posted February 13, 2013 Report Share Posted February 13, 2013 You guys, I just woke up from a horrible nightmare! After all that talk about adderall last night, I had this dream I went back on the meds. We were all playing basketball and everyone thought I was clean. However, I'd secretly started taking adderall again and I was taking a TON of it. Halfway through the dream I realized I was in fact lying to everyone about my clean time and I started to panic. It was SO F-ING HORRIBLE to feel and realize I was back on those stupid pills!!! I woke up and was like, "YES!!!! I didn't relapse! Thank GOD. Just wanted to share. You guys are AWESOME! Your ADD is your gift. Always remember that! Hugs everyone! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted February 13, 2013 Report Share Posted February 13, 2013 Lil tex, that is part of the reason I maintain a continious presence around here. I believe that maintaining contact with people either who have quit or who are still in adderall hell just re-enforces my resolve to stay off the shit forever. I had a bad dream a month or two ago, maybe they can always come back. But my thoughts now are about what adderall did or does to other people and how they handle it, and not at all about my past use. At some point I feel like I won't need need that reenforcement any more, but I still do need it now. Anyway, I am glad you woke up and ended that awful dream. Please try not to let it ruin your day Edit: I just want to add that my adderall dreams have evolved over time. My first dreams (about 2-3 months after quitting) were about using and relapsing and I would wake up feeling awful and relieved it was just a dream. Later on, they changed into adderall rejection dreams, usually ending with forcefully spitting out a pill before I had a chance to swallow it. The last dream I remember stepping on the pill and crushing it like a bug and grinding it into the pavement. Woke up feeling pretty good after that one.... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2013 I agree it's definitely a great thing to come here often as a good reminder. That is an awesome end to a dream!! So empowering. Love it! How long have you been clean now? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted February 14, 2013 Report Share Posted February 14, 2013 I've had my freedom for about 20 months now. LilTex, your early posts really inspired me when I was in the process of quitting and I have always wanted to tell you that. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted February 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2013 Awe, quitonce..you just made my night!! I tried to like your post, but I got a funny error message that said I'd already reached my quota of positive votes for the day. WTF, lol?! Um, in my little texan world positive votes are LIMITLESS! That needs to be changed immediately! Anyhow, I am so happy for you quitonce. That is so amazing! 20 months is freaking bad ass!! I was thinking last night about just how awesome our little community is here. I think as time goes on more and more people will come forward wanting help to get off this stuff and just know we all get to be the original group to help people....well..it's simply just fabulous! I finally feel like I'm getting closer and closer to my life's purpose and I know that everything I went through was for a reason. I have to just keep following my heart and intuition about all the things I crave and am passionate about in life. I trust that there is this amazing path for all of us ahead. And I am a firm believer in that the closer we stay bonded, united, holding hands to overcome our struggles...we will survive and make it through to the other side of happy destiny. I was lying in bed last night and all I could keep thinking about was that guy in VA who hung himself over this shit. How I wish he could've found us and we could've helped him, you know? I just pray if there are more people like him...lurking these boards and needing help, I pray they have the courage to start posting. I pray that they would just pour their hearts out to us and get honest with themselves. Like I said the other night...it took me 5 relapses in 2 years time before I finally got clean. But the thing that inspired me the most was Mike and this website. I was so grateful I had somewhere to turn when I needed help. I don't believe I would've ever quit for good had it not been for what he has created here. It was so inspiring. And so in this I pray that one by one we can pass the torch of recovery onto everyone that has a desire to find a life without adderall. That is the beauty of this community. Godspeed friends. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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