Quitting after several years

[Piano90]

Hi 

I’ve been unsuccessfully trying to quit adderall for a while now. It started out as something I used to get through long work shifts- it seemed like the cure at the time because we weren’t allowed many breaks (busy retail job). Then it got worse when I was made redundant and started my own cleaning business. The expectations of the clients were just not humanly possible without some “help”. Again it seemed like the solution. But then I ended up with the horrible side effects , I would often throw up after work because my body had enough of being pushed through that especially in things like heat waves. My heart rate and anxiety was so bad that I took benzos in the evening in order to eat dinner. I then needed an increasing amount of benzos to get any sleep at all. I would take a combination of alcohol, benzos and sleeping pills in order to sleep. Then wake up the next day groggy and take an upper to start the day again. It’s got to the point where I feel I can’t do anything without these pills- not even cleaning the house. I’ve had to completely cut down on my clients in order to reduce the stimulants when I had a successful business. I also managed to pass 3 piano exams while using these pills, before them I had no motivation to do such a thing. Writing this out now just makes me realise how pathetic the whole thing is. Prioritising achievement at the expense of health. I wish I did have the natural drive and energy to achieve things without them. I do suffer from depression and have been on antidepressant since the age of 16 (I’m now 32). I want to feel joy again and natural joy, not a fake, amped up feeling. I’m worried I’ve damaged my dopamine receptors. I’ve been clean from an opiate addiction for 9 months as well. Every time I try to stop the uppers I literally just sit in bed and stare at the wall all day, not going into work etc. has anyone found any way of forcing themselves to do things without these pills, what have you found helpful? 
thanks 

[Krae19]

Hi!  For me to actually quit I had to be willing to let other things slide and make not taking adderall my number 1 most important thing.  That meant that I slept a lot at first, was not very productive at work, went through some pretty bad anxiety and gained some weight. But I also had the same worries as you about the dopamine receptors.  I don’t think it’s healthy at all for mind and body to be on these meds long term, not to mention missing out on real life, not sleeping, taking care of yourself etc. it’s been 4.5 months for me and I finally don’t wake up everyday thinking about taking a pill just to function.  It will suck at first but you just have to force yourself to do things you don’t want to do, like cleaning, dishes , etc and soon enough you remember you actually can do things without it.   Focus on other things like drinking lots of water, going on walks, meditation, taking vitamins like magnesium, and soon enough you will get to a point where you are free but it will suck for awhile. Good luck!

[quit-once]

14 hours ago, Piano90 said:

has anyone found any way of forcing themselves to do things without these pills, what have you found helpful? 

In the beginning of my quit, I relied on coffee, redbull, five hour energy, and OTC energy or diet pills from GNC.  As long as they are not an addictive stimulant drug they can be used as a crutch.  I benefit from the placebo affect.  The act of taking a pill or capsule and then waiting for it to kick in was motivating enough for me.  I realized that part of my addiction was just the act of regularly taking a pill.

Another strategy I used for motivation was to use food as a motivator.  I would delay having a snack or a meal until after the project at hand was completed or at least well underway. 

[Krae19]

I still love sugar free Red Bull.  

[Piano90]

Hi guys

thanks for the advice. Today I had two sugar free red bulls which isn’t great but better than the adderall. I managed to concentrate on piano, not for hours on end but I don’t think the human brain is able to do that anyway especially when you have mental health issues. I also didn’t have a panic attack or feel like I was going to have a heart attack and need to take a sh*t ton of benzos to lower my heart rate.
 

It’s so bad and I can’t believe I took it for so long just to achieve in a job that would replace me in a second anyway. I also can’t believe they are giving this to children as young as 5! I spoke to someone and she said she thinks it’s ok to give to children if it helps them do what other children can do. What has the world come to? Consumerism, materialism. 
anyway I’m determined and I’m looking forward to hopefully being able to sleep naturally and get some good quality sleep back. 
thanks

[quit-once]

Sugar free Red bull Rocks!  I slammed one today as well.  I don't see anything wrong with it. 

You have a good attitude for a successful Quit, @Piano90.  You may find yourself sleeping a lot in the beginning of your Quit, along with some bouts of insomnia and a voracious appetite.  

[Krae19]

I’m eating everything in sight.  Like I’ve found food for the first time.