DrewK15 Posted July 24, 2023 Report Share Posted July 24, 2023 Hey everyone. I’m dealing with the compounding effects of some choices that have me too close for comfort to using again. I need somewhere to write some thoughts down and check in. Figured this would be a good place to start. First a breakdown/categorization of what I think I’m dealing with right now. These are a mess of causes/effects that are playing off of each other and making life miserable. Phone addiction/screen time: I’ve been averaging 8-9 hours/day on my phone for while now. Mostly addictive loop games that I am wasting money on and YouTube scrolling endlessly. I work from home and have way too much opportunity to waste time in this way. Realistically I want to get my phone time under 2 hours a day. Spending/shopping addiction issues: over the last couple months I have fallen into impulsive spending on an old habit, TCGs (Magic and Pokémon). I don’t know exact numbers, but I am probably around $5k into non-budgeted spending out of savings. I feel out of control at times which is terrifying a few years ex-bankruptcy. Bad health choices: fallen back into nicotine addiction over the last couple months. Also stopped working out and eating well. I’ve put 25-30 lbs back on that I lost post quit. I don’t feel good, so I eat to feel better, which makes me feel bad and so on for infinity. All these things combined have me in a a discouraged bordering on despairing place. If I keep living this way I know I am eventually going to use again. So I may as well admit it to myself and get back into recovery. Time to go for a run. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted July 26, 2023 Report Share Posted July 26, 2023 At least you are aware of these unhealthy behaviors and addictions. Regarding the screen time addiction, I don't have much advice as I sometimes struggle with this as well, even if it is just mindless internet browsing and reading the online forums and facebook groups that hold my interest. I have tried to limit my chair time by creating a log of the time I spend seated every day, but I have a hard time following through with the "chair log". As far as your health choices, you already know how resuming the nicotine addiction has diminished your self-esteem. Imagine how badly you would feel about yourself if you took up speed again. My best friend relapsed on cigarettes yesterday and I saw the overwhelming guilt it caused him last night, complete with threatening to throw away the rest of his pack. But when I pressed him to destroy them in front of everybody present, he backtracked. I had a non-smoke with him all evening, holding and mouthing an unlit cigarette, which I enjoy doing because I can enjoy the cig without the smoke. I am surprised you have packed on the pounds while relapsing on nicotine. You must be spending a lot of time in a chair. Pick a place to start getting yourself back on track - whether it is a commitment to at least one healthy homemade meal per day or some kind of exercise routine or fitness class. Or taking up something new altogether. Each addiction is its own unique animal. What works for quitting one may not be as effective for another. Amphetamine addiction is particularly unsustainable at any level once you have gone from the cucumber stage to the pickle stage, and pickles can never go back to fresh cucumbers (borrowing that phrase from AA). 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krae19 Posted July 26, 2023 Report Share Posted July 26, 2023 Can you explain the cucumber pickles thing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted July 26, 2023 Report Share Posted July 26, 2023 1 hour ago, Krae19 said: Can you explain the cucumber pickles thing? "Once pickled, never again a cucumber" I think this phrase came from AA. In order to make a dill pickle, a cucumber must be processed, salted and acidified. The pickling process is permanent and the cucumber will never again be fresh. Same thing with an addiction. Once you have crossed that line from controlled, recreational, or supervised medical usages, into a regular unhealthy habit of abuse leading to an addiction that consumes you, one can NEVER return to a state of controlled usage without the addiction progressing. It is why abstinence works so well. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krae19 Posted July 27, 2023 Report Share Posted July 27, 2023 Thank you I appreciate the explanation. It makes sense. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DelaneyJuliette Posted July 27, 2023 Report Share Posted July 27, 2023 Keep posting and stay strong. You are telling on yourself ahead of time which is HUGE 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrewK15 Posted September 3, 2023 Author Report Share Posted September 3, 2023 Checking back in here; I appreciate all of the responses. I am back in a good place with some momentum quitting nicotine. I don’t know the exact date, but I am a couple weeks off again now and feeling better. Not perfect, but making better life choices overall. Back on the right path. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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