825 Days Sober !

[LFOtoAUX]

Hey everyone,

Over two years ago, I lurked around this site, anxious to read success stories--like a lot of people here. I am going to try to keep this short and sweet.

I know I am preaching to the choir here (and I truly appreciate the ability to do this btw)--it takes the brain years to recover from stim abuse, with meth being the most damaging. Your brain absolutely does recover, but it does take time. It's important to really manage expectations and try to be realistic about what this med does to the brain. With over 10 million prescriptions of stims being filled in the past year alone, and however many millions unfilled because of the shortage, it is mind-blowing to think where stim-based therapy and the consequences of it are heading. That's a whole other story, but it is crazy to think about, especially from my position. 

I initially wrote a really long tell-all post, but I am opting to just focus on a few things that may be helpful to people here. Maybe I'll share my full story another time if I feel up to it. Many of the following ideas have already been shared in one way or another, which is great. I just want to be another person on here assuring people of some this stuff.
 

1. Once you hit the one year mark, things really do change. My one year mark resulted in me moving outside of the city, with my gf coming up often, with my dog, building a new workspace, meeting new friends, beginning to socialize more, etc. It wasn't easy--there was a lot of growing up involved here. My gf's now moved here and everything is great. Good decisions all around. So the one year mark is good as this is when the brain is really starting to heal, if it hasn't already by this time. But then comes the two year mark.
    
2. The two year is where the magic begins to happen. I have had breakthroughs in therapy, and while I had been restoring friendships and connections with people the first year sober, I have been doing this in far better ways now and feeling way more present and in step with people. I have become a lot more social. A month or two after the two year mark and my ability to process everything that happened--that I did, that happened to me, and that happened because of me--is mind-blowing. Holding myself accountable and exploring everything from multiple standpoints--seeing the big picture, essentially. I am finally feeling like myself again, though I am sure I still have a ways to go--I'm used to that by now.
    
3. I do not have cravings, nor do I wish to go back to my life while using. Zero romanticizing. There is a complex glob of different feelings and reasons that cause cravings, and a lot of that you can sort out in therapy talking about them, and a lot of time about seemingly unrelated things.
    
4. I have found that Guanfacine, of all meds, has completely changed my life. Not too popular, but I have absolutely no clue why that is. I tried Wellbutrin early on and I had a panic attack the second day. Important to note that I also came off of 4mg of klonopin every night, which I took for seven years (I cycled off of that in two weeks--do NOT recommend this to anyone on benzos). I always approached my co-morbid ADHD as requiring the push-method as opposed to a pull. I was wrong--turns out that it works like those finger traps in my case. I mean, I also thought taking 120mg of adderall would help me get work done. But I'm an addict, so I've learned to consider other approaches now that I am in recovery.
    
5. I can't stress the importance of therapy enough. If you are not going to meetings or doing the steps, then therapy is your best friend. Even if you are in the recovery world, therapy is your best friend, but especially if you aren't. It's very hard to do this alone, and you don't need to. 
    
6. Time goes by pretty fast. When I got out of rehab, I would read people's one and two year posts on here and I would be unable to imagine how I'd be able to get to that point. It is definitely hard, but it really, really does get better. I thought my brain was toast, but I personally feel--and am being told by everyone around me quite often--that I am back, or in many cases like a new person. It took me awhile to feel like myself, and to even remember who I am. It's bonkers.

I also think this is an awesome forum. I really appreciate the posts I read on here. I came back today because I feel like I have been really proud of myself lately and few people understand what abusing adderall can do to you. When I was at rehab people were like, "what?" Not all, but some. Most people on here seem really cool and eager to help each other. This is a crazy drug, and it's insane to think how many people in power--at financial institutions, in government, in the military, everywhere--are on it. Again, I don't know where we are headed with it and what the truly long-term consequences of taking it are, but I do know that it devastated my life. Financially, emotionally, interpersonally. Everything. Getting completely sober has been amazing, and I'm proud to acknowledge all that I did wrong, to fix anything I can, and to be the best version of myself. Getting sober is growing up.

Best of luck, everyone. Thanks for sharing your stories.