whirly week

[SomedayDreamer]

Hello again, beloved adderallics- I missed this place! My unemployment status required some enforced austerity measures and home internet service got the axe temporarily. I was looking to find some time in a cafe with wi-fi but got busier than ever... when YAY I got called for an interview last week, then invited back for a second, and then HOLY CRAP a job offer last Tuesday I was astonished. I thought for sure it'd be months of searching ahead.

And it's a great job too --good pay, benefits... but before it sounds like gratuitous annoying bragging, the fact is, guys, I AM SCARED! I will be working some damn long hours and the position has way more responsibility than my last job (or any I've ever had really), my first thought is of course "How am I gonna do this without adderall?" This is first time since quitting that I've felt like I made a huge mistake cutting off the doctor access, I know addy wouldn't ever again do the "wonderful" things it used to do for me the first year on it, I KNOW this logically, but my addict-mind is making me doubt myself.

Gosh, this is hard! Oh, how I wish I'd never followed that speedy rabbit down the hole all those years... though I'll never be able to catch it again, addicted to the chase more than anything... times like this especially. ugh.

[Cat]

Congrats on the job offer! First reason to be confident, you did the interviews and got the job without adderall. That is stellar.

You have every reason to be scared to start a new job with more responsibilities without adderall but DON'T BE. Take this as an opportunity to start from scratch with the real you. You will learn so much and gain a ton of confidence.

You did absolutely the right thing with cutting off the doctor access. The worst thing now would be for you to go back on adderall and convince yourself that success can only be achieved with a pill.

I started a new job in January this year, a big promotion and bigger job than ever. I started on Jan 2 and three days later was my last pill. For sure it was hard the first couple weeks but you know what -- being new at a job, you get a certain amount of slack cut anyway. People expect you to be learning. Take advantage of that.

When do you start?

[lea]

Congratulations on getting thru 2 interviews without adderall !!! Of course you're scared. It's scary to think about taking on new responsibilities without what used to be your secret weapon. Now YOU are your secret weapon and chasing rabbits is no longer part of who you are. That chase will be replaced by more productive activities in good time. Can you imagine starting a new job and instead of having a genuine desire to do well your mind is hijacked by addiction -- same-o same-o ??? It's the addict that's telling you that you can do better on adderall. As someone reading your post I can see that loud and clear. This will be another victory that you have achieved without a drug - and these are the victories that need to be built - easier said than done but you're well on your way! Think about how good it will feel getting back your true self-esteem and a real sense of accomplishment -- internet too

[BeHereNow]

Congrats on the new job SomedayDreamer!!! Its scary but also worth celebrating!!

You said it yourself...... if you went back on adderall, you'd be chasing the pills down the rabbit hole. You wouldn't be chasing your work. In that sense, adderall becomes a distraction from work. Even when we're "being productive" on it, what we're really chasing is usually the high from the adderall-- and only secondarily the work itself.

Second: Does your job entail dealing with people in any capacity? Co workers? Because adderall is such an antisocial drug, it would probably be TERRIBLE for your job if you started out taking it. Social interactions and networking etc are HUGE in most if not all work places. Your human connections are key to your performance, possibilities for promotion, and how people interact with you at work. They are probably just as important as the work itself. Adderall impairs (or even ruins) the social side of many if not most people who take it. Do you really want to start your new job out on that foot??

I say this from experience...I started a new job and re-started adderall simultaneously in 2009. It ruined me socially and I will probably never be able to fix the social damage it did to my career. Not to mention the quitting process of re-learning how to function at the same job all on my own. So, don't do what I did!!! It's NOT WORTH IT!!!

YOU CAN DO THIS!! Good luck and let us know how it goes!

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

Hey congratulations on a) taking a stand against your previous employer and your new job! That's awesome and in record time - and never easy when you're in recovery.

Just one thought to add from me: to feel scared is normal, and good, and you should be happy that you feel this way. Why? Because you're functioning like a normal human being and not relying on a pill to bring you false confidence. And also, because you care. For me when I was on adderall I really didn't give a shit about anything except the random things I thought were important. Being adderall free allows you perspective to concentrate on the important things in life. So embrace it, and know that high performers get scared as much as low performers, the difference is perseverance!

CONGRATS!