ldmcniel Posted February 23, 2013 Report Share Posted February 23, 2013 Sorry I haven't been on a lot or posting. I am still dealing with this back issue. The funny thing is that I am not taking any narcotics. I have been stretching, taking ibuprofen, and even tried accupuncture. The Dr. (who I work for and have great respect for and was not the one who started me on Adderall) couldn't figure out why I was having these symptoms still. He looked at me and smiled and said "you are unique aren't you." It made me think. I have always been "different." not creepy different just out going, good sense of humor, laughs at everything, and can do the job of 10 people by myself and run circles around people half my age. So...why the hell would I want to change myself and start on Adderall. I really have had a problem being addicted to anything. I use to smoke, but I could always quit with no problems. I don't drink alcohol, I did smoke a lot of marijuanna when I was younger but hey, who hasn't. So why did I let this pill control me. This little orange sickly sweet pill. Then it hit me. I have always been a people pleaser and care too much about what others think of me. I always felt like there was something wrong with me because I was always on the go while others would just look at me and say" slow down." I break out and either start dancing or singing real loud just because I want to. I can find humor in almost everything, but being that way, has also caused me to be rejected at times. I also have a memory like no other and even when I knew I was right about something, I wouldn't agure it with someone who always thought they were right. So... for the past week, I had a pitty party for myself and then finally looked myself in the mirror and said. "WHAT THE HELL!! YOU ARE A 38 YEAR OLD WOMAN NOT A 17 YEAR OLD GIRL.!!!!. Then I realized, who really cares about me the most and how do they view me. My children think that I am a great mom, even when my temper gets the best of me. I am strict but I can be fun. There friends think I am the "cool mom." That's a little odd because like I said, I am strict but I can laugh and joke around too. My husband is like me as far as the humor goes. He loves the fact that out of no where, I will just make the silliest face or do a dumbe thing. Of course my mom and dad. My best friend since high school. Do I really need the approval of the world? I have patients who just think I am the best. I even have managed to get every grumpy and mean patient to smile when they see me. That is enough for me. Sorry for the long post, but I just thought I would get that all out. Also, still Adderall free!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted February 23, 2013 Report Share Posted February 23, 2013 Congratulations on being free from adderall! Sounds like you are tapping into the journey of self discovery. Awesomeness! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted February 27, 2013 Report Share Posted February 27, 2013 It's sad that you took adderall to try to be more conventional, if I'm reading your post right. What do you think led to that? Everyone wants to be accepted and loved and made to feel special, so I'm happy for you that you have a supportive family and people around you who care. And that you are embracing your uniqueness. And for telling adderall where to go! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ldmcniel Posted February 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 28, 2013 It's sad that you took adderall to try to be more conventional, if I'm reading your post right. What do you think led to that? Everyone wants to be accepted and loved and made to feel special, so I'm happy for you that you have a supportive family and people around you who care. And that you are embracing your uniqueness. And for telling adderall where to go! MFA I have been asking myself that same question lately. I have always been independent and care free and I use to not care what people thought. It baffles me that I became an addict at age 36. This was even as my life was better then it had been in years. I don't know why I thought at that point in my life I needed the approval of others. My husband and I were talking last night about my addiction. It never was about "getting high" or "feeling good" . I think I wanted to feel "normal" ( or at least what others described as normal). Towards the end, I just wanted to feel numb. I didn't want to feel anything. It sickens me now to know that I felt that way. What kind of mother doesn't want to feel any emotion? I feel all kinds of emotions now. Good and bad but at least I CAN feel. The thing I want to feel the most is ALIVE! I am slowly getting there, but at least I know I WILL get there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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