Sebastian05 Posted April 2, 2013 Report Share Posted April 2, 2013 I really have no idea what is going on right now, but I'm not going to question it because this is one of the first times in a long long long long time that i've actually felt calm and at peace. The funny thing about that is from the moment I woke up (3AM...wonderful insomnia) until the end of the business day, i was a wreck....filled to the brim with anxiety and having shifting moods going from completely depressed to over the top anxious. I'm hoping that this will last, because I'm so grateful to just feel normal for once. I'm not so sure that cold turkey'ing the adderall (for me at least) was the best idea. Every single other psychotropic drug is a drug you have to ween off of. Why would adderall be different. What forced me into a cold turkey quit was reading about how toxic adderall truly is....but maybe it would have still been physiologically the best to just ween off...perhaps the withdrawals wouldn't have been as bad.... The fact that i can feel as I feel right now is very confidence inspiring because I'm watching one of my all time favorite movies and having a glass of wine and I'm truly just enjoying it. I was never one to abuse adderall...i took my low 10-20mg dose a day for the better part of 4.5 years...but i think thats enough to make it a terrible poison. These little glimpses of peace and happiness give me hope that I didnt cause any sort of brain damage or neurotoxicity. I'm so grateful for this site and for all of you who have supported and continue to support me. I hope to one day give back to people on this site as much as some of you have given me, but right now, I'm still very emotional and very vulnerable and I feel like I can't be anyone's beacon of hope until I completely come out of the other end. I'd like to think I'm getting there, though. I can see how this drug can drive people to suicide and to psychosis and the fact that there's always a national shortage of it in pharmacies just goes to show how careless these doctors are with prescribing this piece of shit drug. They may as well be handing out russian roulette revolvers. I can't believe doctors would have the never to put kids on this drug. Absolutely disgusting. I keep a bottle of adderall on my desk. its the majority of my last script that i'd filled about 4 months ago....i know im strong enough to never open that bottle again....right next to that is my bottle of wellbutrin that i filled last week, but didn't take a single pill yet....i look at the both of them and cant help to think how both drugs act on the same neurotransmitters.....i'm gonna try to not take the wellbutrin if i can help it...but if shit hits the fan, i'll have to start cautiously taking them i suppose....i just cant help but think withdrawals from wellbutrin would be the same as adderall...but you get the cherry on top of the possible side effect of seizures. awesome. I've started to wonder if i've developed some sort of thyroid problem. I'm gonna have to go get blood work done because i wake up every night with insane and insatiable thirst. i fill my water bottle up time and time again and just keep slugging water. today, i must have drank 2-3 gallons at work. I couldnt even stomach any food until about 4pm. Also my eyes are always feeling dry. That could be from the awful insomnia brought about by the withdrawals...but these are also symptoms of hypothyroid...i've read a bunch of places online that amphs can cause hypothyroid......last f'n thing i need. I dont know where this winding road is going, but for once i feel at peace. This feeling has come and gone a bunch of times throughout this quitting process, and every time it comes, i hope it is here to stay. i gotta believe that one of these days it will stay for good. Ashley, MFA, Cassie, and Quit Once, and in recent days, LiL Tex & Lea....i just want to say thank you guys so much for all your support. Ever since i've quit, i've never had a desire to go back and im not scared that i will.....my fear only lies in being able to get over all this depression and anxiety....and maybe i'm getting there......nights like tonight i feel like i just may be....because this is not who i am....i just have to keep pushing through. and there's my rant. -S- 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted April 3, 2013 Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 You sound fantastic! Just keep moving forward!!! So happy to hear you're doing well. You GOT this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted April 3, 2013 Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 Sebastian, Your story is unique and interesting. You were on the lowest of dosages and you never abused the adderall. I thought you DID taper down from 20 mg to 10 mg per day before quitting. You had one relapse after going off it but hated the experience and have just toughed out your recovery without other drugs, so far. And you have had some rough spots of depression through your early recovery. That is what I find so interesting about your experience - a tough recovery from using adderall "only as prescribed" You know, if you had began taking the wellbutrin you would have been convinced that is why you felt so great when you posted this positive message. You would have had your very own justification for taking another drug. By the way, I an not anti-drug for those who need their medication. But when it comes to daily drugs I believe less is best and none is even better. Hang on to how good you felt when you wrote this post. It will come back to you more and more often the longer you stay away from adderall. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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