PLEASE HELP! Questions for adderallics for years/very high tolerances

[ally]

I found this website over 2 years ago when I desperately was seeking help. I managed to wean myself off on my own (this website gave me the courage) and I went almost 6 months without using Adderall except for about 3 times. Unfortunately, I fell back into the cycle. Slowly, but surely. Enough is enough and I finally joined this site seeking help. I have a few questions I am hoping others can relate to on here, I feel this is the best place where people understand the same issues and go through the same challenges. First of all let me start by saying I have been prescribed Adderall for 7 years since in high school starting at 30 mg, occasionally taking more for a huge workload, to some it up I have had scripts being 90 mg a day plus 120 Dexedrine as needed. My tolerance had grown too high, even after 5 months going back to it my I had a natural tolerance. My current script is 60mg xr a day and Dexedrine tabs when needed. I double my script to actually get to work. I don't want to go on like this anymore. I know its a highly dangerous dose. Im looking for others with similar high tolerances and experiences with quitting, what worked best for you? How do you do it? Ive felt the cold turkey method is the best, but I simply cannot ignore my duties as a mother to a 3 year old a puppy and 3 other pets with a house to maintain, online college courses, and occasional part time work. I NEED TO BE ABLE TO GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING! so do I wean myself? How long has it taken others who have such a high tolerance and been on it for years to actually feel like themselves again? Im afraid this process my take years. PLEASE HELP AND GIVE ME ALL THE ADVICE YOU CAN, I need it and would appreciate it so, thank you!

[Greg]

Hang in there.

I have never heard addiction being called as 'having a high tolerance'...but yes I had a severely high tolerance to adderall. Popping three a day for me was practically equivalent to not taking anything because my tolerance was so high.

I think the consensus on here is cold turkey is the way to go. A lot of people have said antidepressants like Wellbutrin have helped deal with the forthcoming depression. I myself started up on Effexor which I found helpful.

What you will really need the most of is a strong internal committment to staying clean during the difficult road ahead. Or you will not make it.

period.

I have been clean for a while now, did quite a number on myself during my use, would say at this stage i am still in a process of severing the association my brain still has with it...doing things outside my comfort zone still triggers adderall discomfort but to a lesser degree each time I do things outside my comfort zone...in my early recovery, Adderall took away my confidence to do anything without it...I attributed all my success to it and nothing to myself. When I quit adderall, all that was left of me was a person with no confidence in himself. But with tons of willingness to rebuild. I felt very lost but hopeful. I now understand more how The non adderall addicted brain thinks a lot differently from the adderall addicted brain. Like how the drug no longer weighs heavily on your mind and is impacting all your decisions, how you are no longer going through the day artificially sped up...

In the VERY beginning of my quitting I just focused every day on staying clean and relapse prevention because I craved it all the time and felt like I was being tested all the time to go back on it.

So my advice to you is to first sever ties with your prescribing doc. then Cold turkey (or maybe just take 1 a day for a week and then just flush the remainder) and then Focus totally on commitment to relapse prevention.

[quit-once]

I now understand more how The non adderall addicted brain thinks a lot differently from the adderall addicted brain. Like how the drug no longer weighs heavily on your mind and is impacting all your decisions, how you are no longer going through the day artificially sped up...

Well said, InRecovery. I appreciate your non-judgmental approach.

My thought processes are so vastly different than when I was on adderall. My interests and priorities are also different. Not in a consistently bad or good way, just different. As a brain enhancing tool, adderall really does change the way you look at things and solve problems, until the addiction takes over. You are right, InRecovery, adderall impacted all the decisions I made for at least two years, because I was always under the influence of the drug during all my waking hours. I also did (bought) some stupid things while high on adderall as well.

[Greg]

Well said, InRecovery. I appreciate your non-judgmental approach.

My thought processes are so vastly different than when I was on adderall. My interests and priorities are also different. Not in a consistently bad or good way, just different. As a brain enhancing tool, adderall really does change the way you look at things and solve problems, until the addiction takes over. You are right, InRecovery, adderall impacted all the decisions I made for at least two years, because I was always under the influence of the drug during all my waking hours. I also did (bought) some stupid things while high on adderall as well.

For real. Things change...and you look back and are like how was i like that for so long? My brain thinks so differently now. My thoughts don't race anymore. The mind is calmer.

[ally]

Hang in there.

I have never heard addiction being called as 'having a high tolerance'...but yes I had a severely high tolerance to adderall. Popping three a day for me was practically equivalent to not taking anything because my tolerance was so high.

I think the consensus on here is cold turkey is the way to go. A lot of people have said antidepressants like Wellbutrin have helped deal with the forthcoming depression. I myself started up on Effexor which I found helpful.

What you will really need the most of is a strong internal committment to staying clean during the difficult road ahead. Or you will not make it.

period.

I have been clean for a while now, did quite a number on myself during my use, would say at this stage i am still in a process of severing the association my brain still has with it...doing things outside my comfort zone still triggers adderall discomfort but to a lesser degree each time I do things outside my comfort zone...in my early recovery, Adderall took away my confidence to do anything without it...I attributed all my success to it and nothing to myself. When I quit adderall, all that was left of me was a person with no confidence in himself. But with tons of willingness to rebuild. I felt very lost but hopeful. I now understand more how The non adderall addicted brain thinks a lot differently from the adderall addicted brain. Like how the drug no longer weighs heavily on your mind and is impacting all your decisions, how you are no longer going through the day artificially sped up...

In the VERY beginning of my quitting I just focused every day on staying clean and relapse prevention because I craved it all the time and felt like I was being tested all the time to go back on it.

So my advice to you is to first sever ties with your prescribing doc. then Cold turkey (or maybe just take 1 a day for a week and then just flush the remainder) and then Focus totally on commitment to relapse prevention.

Thank you InRecovery, couple questions for you....what is Effexor? my dr has me on Prozac right now, idk if its helping at all, I am 6 days clean, I got a refill, do u really think taking one a day and weaning down will work for me? will it be beneficial? I don't know what to do, can u even remember this far back in ur recovery? is week 1 this shitty? does it get shittier?! advice please..?

[Greg]

Effexor is an SNRI antidepressant. It boosts levels of seratonin and norepinephrine in your brain. Basically, it is one of the newer antidepressants on the market. Other antidepressants just boost seratonin.

I remember early recovery like it was yesterday. when I quit, I resolved in my head that the adderall thing was over for me. I had my last prescription. I wouldn't be getting anymore. I started to taper down, and honestly it just didnt make a difference to me at that point Whether i stopped taking it right away or took for another week and then stopped or another two weeks. I knew it was over. and i was resolved it was over. I took a lot of relief knowing that battle to keep my addiction alive was over. I read message boards and tried to understand and see what other people who were addicted were writing about. I dont cry much or easily but in early recovery - ha ha i was a mess - i probably cried more than i cried my entire life. lol. was crying like all day long. I was just overwhelmed about quitting and being addicted and being in that situation and losing what had been fueling my life, but also my mind was a mess from all the psychosis i had gone through and was still going through from it..etc etc.

week 1 was shitty but I was asleep for most of it. I just woke up to eat. that's it. I was basically sleeping most of the time through early recovery and I was also extremely depressed and kind of numb and I felt lost. And i spent the hours when I was awake trying to come to grips it was over. My life had revolved around it. I was so depressed, really depressed. I hadn't discovered this site yet, but I found comfort in reading books about additiction and speed, Like "On Speed"..It helped me understand what had happened to me and understand i wasn't alone.

I'm not going to lie or sugarcoat because it will only boost your expectations of what recovery should be like. Its not going to be easy. You have to accept that. Its really tough. But you have everyone's here support and you can definitely do this. And we have a strong community of people who have been where you are. and completely understand. You just have to be strong. Give yourself full permission to not put pressure on yourself and allow yourself to heal from this. you can beat this. But you have to stay focused on beating this 110% of your time.

[ally]

Thanks InRecovery, u are actually inspiring to me, not only by what u said to me, but I read ur info on ur member profile, I guess everyone on here has a lot of similiarities, but its nice to actually read about them. Kind of just like how u said the book On Speed helped you, (which btw I read too when I've been down! lol) but it really does help to hear others going/went through the same thing, especially in real life. That's why I'm loving this website more and more. People are there for every stage ur in; its comforting. And I will definitely be looking into Effexor, you've got my interest there. Also any other bonus advice, or supplements you would recommend specifically? Ive read the quitting directions, Ive read the supplements forums, I think Ive read about everything on this site, but I cant seem to find an exact perfect answer (which I am sure there is none, but still....) any direct advice would be great. Although I know everyone is different.

[ally]

Also, InRecovery, I didn't even tell u congrats! ur story made me smile Its nice to read a positive story without Adderall, Ill have to read about more on here. Im just too stuck in the horror stories of actually going through quitting right now. Im surprised you remember how detailed quitting was for u, I quit once a year ago (only for a few months) but I cant remember anything besides sleeping, then back to the addiction. I hope its not like that this time! But most people say 6 days sober, don't take the half of addy, keep up the good work! But I feel like u where I can take 3 all at once and feel nothing. I flushed my new script, all but one half for an emergency (idk why that makes sense?!) but for me it did, and 15mg, is the littlest aka no effect to me at all, that its almost like I just want to take it as a goodbye, I am not getting anymore, just one last small dosage feeling, maybe a little bit of coping with the situation, idk, im sure everything im saying feels completely dumb right now (probly rambling cuz its my first week without addy and im starting to get adhd symptoms backs again, lol. But what im trying to say, will a 15 mg goodbye mess up the chemicals in my brain again? get me craving it more? or is it possible (like u mentioned) it didn't matter to u, it was ur last script, either way its over...

[Greg]

congratulations on getting rid of your prescription. That was the right thing to do, i know everyone here is applauding you for that.

As for your last 15 mgs..Well..you can go ahead and take it now, but that would mean resetting the recovery clock! You got 6 days of clean time. Why lose that?

What is one pill going to do for you anyway? Its not like you can binge on one pill -- You're body needs a lot more to get any kind of effect.

I would just flush it, honestly, because if you keep it around.. what's the point of having it later down the road when you are longer into your quit. imagine If you take it after a few months of quitting? you will feel guilty and horrible about it...why bother having that in your way..?

AS for effexor, personally I like it but there are people on this website who have been on it and dont like it. Also, if you try to stop it there are bad withdrawals. Not like adderall withdrawal in any way, but it stinks. A lot of people have tried wellbutrin, and other antidepressants. As for supplements - I think a lot of people here like l tyrosine when they first quit. And then after a couple of months they stop. L-tyrosine is a precurser to the chemical in our brain that turns into dopamine..basically it allows your body to more easily produce dopamine naturally.

I think the best supplement is what you mentioned in the other post - binge watch family guy. It will be a great distraction for you. Hang in there, you are doing good.

Oh, one thing i would do which ive mentioned here before, is start writing a list of how adderall messed up your life...and keep it on hand to read and re-read when you start to feel tempted. It comes in handly. I must have read my list hundreds of times.

Here are 30 things from my list - my list is ten times longer than this - because every time i thought of something i would add to it. Anyway, I strongly recommend you write your own list to read over and over again to yourself. I cant tell you how much this tactic has helped me in my recovery.

Benefits of quitting adderall

1. For the first time in a long time, I am happily sober and surrounded by sober people

2. I'm no longer jumpy at everything and paranoid

3. Im no longer foolishly captivated by time wasting projects

4. I no longer have to lie and decieve my way in order to keep my existence going...and worry about getting caught

5. I no longer fixate and become obsessed and stupidly excited about something that is not even interesting.

6. There is no longer a pill that has total control over me

7. No longer overtired, nothing in the stomach and jittery

8. I no longer lose track of time with nothing to show for it

9. I am no longer taking something that is damaging to my brain and my mind

10. I no longer spend my days waiting and thinking about a refill

11. I no longer have to agonize over postponing my next dose.

12. No longer preoccupied with feeling good before doing anything else

13. I no longer have emotional highs and then lows as it wears on and off. Im more even and emotionally stable.

14. I no longer feel extremely guilty that I cannot control or moderate my pills

15. I am getting my health back

16. My life is no longer resting on a paper thin foundation!

17. I no longer feel embarassed about what I may have said, done or behaved in my addictive state

18. My heart no longer beats really fast from speed

19. I no longer feel totally exhausted when i run out until my next refill

20 I feel stronger inside, have a sense of pride from accomplishments

21. My cognition i no longer deteriorating

22. No more frenzied, breakless, meaningless activity that goes on for days.

23. No more of that vicious cycle of taking adderall, smoke a cigarette, taking more adderall, smoke another cigarette vicious cycle.

24. No longer completely out of my mind from amphetamine induced psychosis ****this should be my number one.

25. I no longer use adderall to relieve the misery that adderall is creating

26.. no longer pumped up on artificial feelings of self worth.

27. No longer panicky

28. No longer grinding my teeth

29. No more standing still, frozen in movement

30. I can think clearer, absorb information better.

31. I am no longer damaging the nerve endings in my brain with repeated high doses of amphetamine!

32. No longer always feel like i must have a pill to keep pushing forward in life

33. I am no longer frustrated about my addicted existence

34. I no longer feel hopeless without amphetamines

35. My schedule is no longer controlled by my adderall supply

36. I no longer have a fake sense of happiness.

37. I am no longer on the verge of a meltdown all the time

38. No longer taking adderall basically as a medicine to keep myself from getting sick

39. No longer in need of very expensive rehab.

40. No longer inspired and passionate in a nutty and lunatic way.

41. No more paranoia, hallucinations or psychosis behavior

42. I can moderate my appetite without a pill.

(MY LIST LITERALLY GOES ON 100 more..lol)

edit- Im going to come back periodically and add to this.

[ally]

congratulations on getting rid of your prescription. That was the right thing to do, i know everyone here is applauding you for that.

As for your last 15 mgs..Well..you can go ahead and take it now, but that would mean resetting the recovery clock! You got 6 days of clean time. Why lose that?

What is one pill going to do for you anyway? Its not like you can binge on one pill -- You're body needs a lot more to get any kind of effect.

I would just flush it, honestly, because if you keep it around.. what's the point of having it later down the road when you are longer into your quit. imagine If you take it after a few months of quitting? you will feel guilty and horrible about it...why bother having that in your way..?

AS for effexor, personally I like it but there are people on this website who have been on it and dont like it. Also, if you try to stop it there are bad withdrawals. Not like adderall withdrawal in any way, but it stinks. A lot of people have tried wellbutrin, and other antidepressants. As for supplements - I think a lot of people here like l tyrosine when they first quit. And then after a couple of months they stop. L-tyrosine is a precurser to the chemical in our brain that turns into dopamine..basically it allows your body to more easily produce dopamine naturally.

I think the best supplement is what you mentioned in the other post - binge watch family guy. It will be a great distraction for you. Hang in there, you are doing good.

Oh, one thing i would do which ive mentioned here before, is start reading a list of how adderall messed up your life...and keep it on hand to read and re-read when you start to feel tempted. It comes in handly. I must have read my list hundreds of times.

Here are 30 things from my list - my list is ten times longer than this - because every time i thought of something i would add to it. Anyway, I strongly recommend you write your own list to read over and over again to yourself. I cant tell you how much this tactic has helped me in my recovery.

Benefits of quitting adderall

1. For the first time in a long time, I am happily sober and surrounded by sober people

2. I'm no longer jumpy at everything and paranoid

3. Im no longer foolishly captivated by time wasting projects

4. I no longer have to lie and decieve my way in order to keep my existence going...and worry about getting caught

5. I no longer fixate and become obsessed and stupidly excited about something that is not even interesting.

6. There is no longer a pill that has total control over me

7. No longer overtired, nothing in the stomach and jittery

8. I no longer lose track of time with nothing to show for it

9. I am no longer taking something that is damaging to my brain and my mind

10. I no longer spend my days waiting and thinking about a refill

11. I no longer have to agonize over postponing my next dose.

12. No longer preoccupied with feeling good before doing anything else

13. I no longer have emotional highs and then lows as it wears on and off. Im more even and emotionally stable.

14. I no longer feel extremely guilty that I cannot control or moderate my pills

15. I am getting my health back

16. My life is no longer resting on a paper thin foundation!

17. I no longer feel embarassed about what I may have said, done or behaved in my addictive state

18. My heart no longer beats really fast from speed

19. I no longer feel totally exhausted when i run out until my next refill

20 I feel stronger inside, have a sense of pride from accomplishments

21. My cognition i no longer deteriorating

22. No more frenzied, breakless, meaningless activity that goes on for days.

23. No more of that vicious cycle of taking adderall, smoke a cigarette, taking more adderall, smoke another cigarette vicious cycle.

24. No longer completely out of my mind from amphetamine induced psychosis ****this should be my number one.

25. I no longer use adderall to relieve the misery that adderall is creating

26.. no longer pumped up on artificial feelings of self worth.

27. No longer panicky

28. No longer grinding my teeth

29. No more standing still, frozen in movement

30. I can think clearer, absorb information better.

31. I am no longer damaging the nerve endings in my brain with repeated high doses of amphetamine!

32. No longer always feel like i must have a pill to keep pushing forward in life

33. I am no longer frustrated about my addicted existence

34. I no longer feel hopeless without amphetamines

35. My schedule is no longer controlled by my adderall supply

36. I no longer have a fake sense of happiness.

(MY LIST LITERALLY GOES ON 100 more..lol)

I LOVE YOUR ADVICE!!!! THANKS

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

IR, even reading this now is still inspiring to me. 6 months on. You have been through so much and your recovery story is remarkable. It's good to read it again with fresh eyes.

Ally, I'm glad you found the site and are active here. I recovered from taking 60mg a day, and my story wasn't that dissimilar to IR's. I remember the crying, oh the crying. Hours and hours of it. I thought my life was over. I wish someone had been able to tell me that what I was feeling wasn't real; it was chemical. I too hand'nt discovered this site until the worst of the depression was over.

How are you feeling today?

[ally]

im weaning off of avg 120 mg a day. I needed at least 90mg to feel anything, prefereably of the xrs crushed up (I felt it was double the strength of irs. with 120+90 10 mg tabs of Dexedrine a month. this was on and off id run out of course. back when I took it daily it was weaning off of 90 a day everyday steadily. those days I followed the 90 directions I did sleep, or else id go on at minimum 2 day binges to stay up so id have time to take care of my house pets have fun with my daughter or work during the day, study and clean at night; it was a cycle that came into play often. a binge of working because I have felt that the couple days I hadn't taken my Adderall I was worthless and I needed to make up for that time lost that I wasn't on it. So my comedown has been hard, I cried more the weak I was weaning down I think, which was 2 weeks ago. the 8 days sober now completely, I am finally starting to feel better and see things brighter, and not sleep ALL DAY, just around 10 hrs a day, usually a nap too. but im already loving the feeling of my count of days being sober going up-it just brings a smile to my face as long as I have voids to fill in my boredom (MAINLY THIS SITE) I feel better.

[ally]

Also, ive read in past posts, a bit about using crutches to get off my addiction to Adderall, I feel it helps me to take a little bit of valium, that's what I did the last 2 days and I thought id nap from that especially but ive actually felt a bit calmer and didn't even need a nap from my racing head to calm down! normally I hate taking valium, I hate smoking weed, and im a special occasion drinker; I am not afraid whatsoever to being addicted to any of these substances. my love and high I crave is strictly stimulants, preferably Adderall. I get anxiety even typing it right now how I feel a part of me is missing that the better part of me is missingor I will be missing it.But I know Im never gonna get that high I crave from it again anyway. I am working through it. So is it really so bad to temporarily crutch on a little bit of a benzo to calm down the itches for Adderall? or have a beer at night? or an occasional hit of weed? I feel that its not, I have no true desire for any of those things never have, and don't even care for them that much now, it just helps a bit. Ive read some peoples mixed emotions of this. But I am confident that these things are ok for me right now, they are all apart of laying around trying not to go crazy, just wanting to stay away from the one thing I want/ don't want the most.

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

You're right that people have mixed feelings about the use of other drugs, especially benzos and alcohol and weed. I'm not hard and fast about it. Sure, I think it would be ideal if one could wake up one day and be completely free and clean of everything, but life ain't like that. So long as you don't have a dependency on downers, or feel like you're swapping one addiciton for another. Be careful.

[Scared]

these are all great responses! gives me hope. i really want to get off adderall after being on it for two and a half years. i have a question though is it true that you lose all the skills you had while on adderal?

[Greg]

these are all great responses! gives me hope. i really want to get off adderall after being on it for two and a half years. i have a question though is it true that you lose all the skills you had while on adderal?

Hi Courtneycarp! Well if you consider "being interested in everything" a skill. then yes, you do lose that skill when you get off adderall. But really, that is just a speed induced state of mind not a skill.

But if you, say, learned how to use Microsoft Excel or photography or photoshop or how to create a blog etc etc while you were taking adderall...that knowledge doesnt go away. youll still know how to use excel after you quit.

[Heather67]

Hahaha ..in recovery. "If you consider being interested in everything a skill"..that was fucking hysterical dude. U made my night.

[Heather67]

No disrespect to anyone on that either...the interested in everything I know sure as hell hits home with most of us...and we like to be interested in it all at once too. LOL

[ldmcniel]

Ally how are you doing now? I understand where you are coming from about taking high doses of the Adderall and now achieving your desired effect. I came off of a 90-270mg per day x 2 years. It sounds very high to a lot of people, and it did cause all of the shitty side effects without the positive ones. I was prescribed 90mg per days but I usually ended up taking more than that. I had to quit cold turkey. The step down method never worked for me. I would always end up taking "just one more." That usually ended up being 5-6 more of the 30mg IR. Yes those sickly sweet tasting 'Orange Devils." Towards the end, I could barely swallow those without gagging. I think my body was rejecting them but my mind still wanted them. I hope you are doing good still.

[ally]

hey I miss chatting with you all, this group of people were my first real adderallics I talked to to get through my attempt to quit. I could really use some support from u guys again, feeling pretty damn down lately and even real shitty about recovery. If u get a chance and can give me any advice please read into my newest forum I made yesterday when returning to the site. its under HELP..IS THERE ANYBODY OUT THERE.

I hope to hear from some of u again, I need this site, its really all I have to go to for any kind of out. thanks

 Hope u all are doing well

[ally]

Ally how are you doing now? I understand where you are coming from about taking high doses of the Adderall and now achieving your desired effect. I came off of a 90-270mg per day x 2 years. It sounds very high to a lot of people, and it did cause all of the shitty side effects without the positive ones. I was prescribed 90mg per days but I usually ended up taking more than that. I had to quit cold turkey. The step down method never worked for me. I would always end up taking "just one more." That usually ended up being 5-6 more of the 30mg IR. Yes those sickly sweet tasting 'Orange Devils." Towards the end, I could barely swallow those without gagging. I think my body was rejecting them but my mind still wanted them. I hope you are doing good still.

 

Sounds exctly how I felt! I was doin the same mgs as u a day, it doesn't seem like to many people hit that high. do u think it makes it even harder for us? How far r u now? I relapsed a couple more times after coming on here, of course when the prescription was up...luckily the last 3 relapses, were never more that 1-3 pills though, so it had gotten a lot better. I am 45 days without Adderall today. but within the 45 days, I have not been able to go straioght sober it feels like I am always needing a valium, some vicodin when I can get it, smoking weed daily, which are things I never used to do. Im not effed up daily its a reasonable amount, nothing like Adderall!!!! its just I feel like I need a new habit and im so used to going to pills. I know its bad but im tryingggg. Oh and within the 45 days I also tried Ritalin once. So I don't know if I can even consider myself 45 days sober from Adderall, can I? IDK, how r u feeling?

 

That goes for everyone else on here, HOW ARE U FEELING RECENTLY AND WHATS UR STATUS?