tweakers

[quit-once]

Today a couple of my adderall friends stopped by. I learned that one of them had quit taking adderall back in Jan for various reasons. He had been on it for over ten years. He said the quit wasn't that bad, especially because he had a lot of experience running out of addies early between his refills. he stayed stimulant free for about two months. One of these friends is looking for a place to live and the other is kinda looking for a job. They have both aged since I saw them last fall.

Right after arriving, he said they had a treat and wanted to go to the basement. I was curious but not tempted. They were disappointed I did not join them but they understood my resolve. They smoked bowl after bowl of meth in my basement with me looking on. I toked a little weed just to be sociable. they stayed for six fucking hours. Then they went and got some heroin and smoked that later on, alternating it with bowls of meth. I looked on and had another red bull. I was tollerant and understanding of their quest for getting high. It was almost amusing. I tried not to be disgusted or judgmental. But, honestly, I am mentally exhausted and not looking forward to another visit from them anytime soon.

I asked him if he had an exit strategy from his newfound addiction, when that time must come. After all, he has traded adderall for a meth habit. He said no, he was "too scared to think about it right now". Earlier in the evening he said he had virtually quit his heroin habit, but later on they were smoking it up; one guy whom I had never met went into the bathroom and injected.

Sorry for rambling through this, but at the moment I just feel so sorry for these friends and their addictions.

[Krax]

Why on earth would you allow anyone to use meth or heroin in your house?

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

Geez, that sounds kind of traumatic, quit once. I can't imagine being around that for so many hours. I guess you're more tolerant than I expected you to be.

You seem to have a reasonable amount of druggie friends. That's got to be tough, knowing that you're not talking to real people but their altered states.

[quit-once]

Why on earth would you allow anyone to use meth or heroin in your house?

Good question, Krax. I am a liberal-minded, easy going, free thinker who takes a live and let live approach to other people and their lives. But I would not even consider letting somebody smoke in my house, so why am I more tollerant of the harder drugs? Because they are illegal and I don't want them being done outside where the neighbors can see or smell or hear them.

MFA: It was very traumatic and I am still coming to terms with it today. Very stressful dealing with folks who are high for six hours on meth - In fact it was not an enjoyable visit. I am dealing with the emotions of seeing people I care about taking a wrong turn in life that can have a very bad outcome. I am dealing with the realization that I no longer value their company when they are high, and with meth, that will be all the time until they quit or die. I am not dealing with any sense of pride or "strong will" because I was not even tempted to partake. And thank god I am not dealing with any kind of guilt from using. I feel kind of disgusted and sorry at the same time for these people and their addictions. And I feel relieved that I don't carry that addiction baggage any more.

At least on adderall these friends were predictable. But meth is a fucking monster that changes everything about those who use it, and not in a good way.

[lea]

I love your 'it is what it is' attitude QO!

[Greg]

Quit once - that sounds like a pretty horrible experience...Perhaps you shouldn't let them do that in your house again. You don't want it to become a habit with them to get high at your house.

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

I'm glad you feel good in your resolve, and that you weren't tempted in the slightest. True recovery. If there's anything good to be taken from your experience it's that you know you're stronger now than you have been in the past, and that nothing can get past your resolve any more.

Proud of you for that.

[Krax]

You're enabling your friends and probably engaging in criminal activity by allowing them to use in your house, many states have laws prohibiting that. You still didn't answer the question as to why you would do that, can I come over to your house and blow my brains out in your basement? That way I won't disturb your neighbours.

[quit-once]

Quit once - that sounds like a pretty horrible experience...Perhaps you shouldn't let them do that in your house again. You don't want it to become a habit with them to get high at your house.

Right on, InRecovery, and I know how to not allow that to happen again. I am confused about my emotions from this experience. I feel like I have been violated or betrayed or something like that. I told one of these friends that he should NEVER offer me adderall again. But meth? I have done my fair share of meth (before adderall, and never with him) but this friend was always very anti-meth until now. I just don't get it.

Krax: fuck the legality of the issue. That is why I allowed it to happen inside my home in the first place. I did answer your question: who am I to keep my friends from blowing their brains in my basement? Why on earth would I allow it? Because it is their life, not mine. If getting high makes them happy for the moment, so be it. I cannot live their lives for them. Nor do I want to enable them to destroy their lives, either. So in the future, I will not allow this opportunity. It was a learning experience for me.

MFA, thank you for your insight and support!

[kori]

Hey Quit-once....sounds like a desperate situation. I'm proud of you for not compromising. its so easy to have the "just one more time" mentality. you are leading by example and hopefully refusing to participate, you may have planted a seed of hope, that recovery is possible.

I see this topic was posted some time ago, so this may no even be relevant to you anymore. but in my opinion, you may want to try setting boundaries. I understand you are open minded and non judgmental..two beautiful qualities to have. however, don't forget that you may be putting yourself at risk. II'm not saying you're goin to start using or that a SWAT team is gonna John in your front door.

I was an iv heroin user for a few years. if a friend wouldn't put up with my selfish bullshit, I just moved on to the next one. I'm sure you've already tried talking some sense into your friends. when this doesn't work you have to ask yourself how much you are willing to put up with. addiction affects everyone involved-but the addict usually believes they are only hurting themselves. I take on other peoples burdens, but usually only if they want to help themselves.

How close are they to you? In other words, if you wouldn't allow the shooting gallery and meth smoking in your home, would they still come over?

[kori]

Holy typo errors haha...I didn't meant to say a SWAT team will John down your door, lol. meant to say kick...and there are countless other typos. I'm sure you get the gist I don't have a lap top so the keyboard on my cell phone has to be sufficient for the time being!

[quit-once]

Even though this post was made a few months ago it is still very relevant to me. As a follow-up note, I have not seen these friends since that incident. I have ignored a few of their phone calls. I was determined that my quitting would not cost me any friends, and so far this is true. I believe in time I will want to hang out with them if I set limits on their behavior that I will tollerate. That experience was traumatic for me - like witnessing an accident or something. It took some time to heal from it and I am not in a hurry to be around anybody (especially friends) who are tweaking.