20 years in the making... I finally have the willpower to do it.

[Adam NC]

My name is Adam and I live in Raleigh Nc. I've been on adderall for about 15 years. Before that it was Ritalin. I've been going through some tough times just getting my life started. I feel like my brain was being pulled in so many different directions that I never actually got my life started, never had goals until now. I have had enough. And though I am in tears writing this I feel so happy and determined. Anyways here's my story. I was diagnosed at an early age ADHD. I was 7. Went through highschool I'm guessing like everyone on here doing well but my add still took its toll at home, Never doing my homework, procrastination. Squeaked by with a 3.9. Got in trouble my senior year ( hanging out with the wrong crowd). I fixed that. I've always ate horribly. I've always had decent health and haven't been sick in 10 years until recently I've been dealing with stress and working 2 jobs. I've had bowel issues. This led me to go online and pretty much made me a hypochondriac. I'm sure taking adderall for 15 years at 2-20mg IRS each day has a lil bit to so with that. Obsessing about what I might have. It somewhat led me to this site and I must say I am grateful for that. I have so much in common with everyone on here it is amazing the inspiring words I read everyday. I'm in bed watching the movie hook right now. I haven't taken my meds for 2 days now and the cold night sweats and hot flashes have already started. Along with a constant mild to moderate nausea, moderate depression has started as well. It's hard to even concentrate on writing this. I know I can do it. With the help of this site and my friends and family. I will find myself and do what God meant for me to do here. Help people. Adderall helped make me selfish and arrogant and cocky. That isn't me. I know it... Deep down. I am more.

Last week is really what kicked me in the face telling me this isn't right. I ran out of my meds. ( I have a suspicion someone took some). Which made me have to have a few days without it. It was horrible. I bitched out my best friends. Had serious anger issues. I was at a beach music festival that was a little bit crowded. I had my fists ready to punch someone if they even remotely said something rude. I had to leave my friends and girlfriend there just to have some sanity. Something was very very wrong. I made the excuse to everyone that I didn't have my meds. But that really isn't an excuse is it. So I finally got my bottle filled and I was back to "normal". But then I realized. This whole thing isn't normal. I am so happy to finally have direction in my life. And I'm not goin to use adderall as a crutch. I want my life back. So to quote the movie Hook, " so your adventures are over" " oh no, to live, to live will be an awefully big adventure"!!!!! Until next time. Pray for me :-)

[Confused84]

You can do it! I totally envy you right now ... I'm still taking 40 Mgs a day of this crap because I'm too chicken to stop (for the time being) ... Also have been taking it for over 15 years now--since I was 14 (before that I'd been on Ritilin for two years) ... You should be way proud of yourself! keep going and keep us updated!

[Heather67]

Confused ...its fucked up for sure huh? We will stay on something that's leveling us and we are the first to.admit it and tell.u how its doing it...but like yourself..I'm on it and 98% is because Im so afraid to jump.and handle that emptiness for awhile.

[LILTEX41]

How are you doing Adam? You hanging in there?