Feelings of resentment toward those “responsible� for my dependence on Adderall …

[Confused84]

Though I don’t want to feel this way—since I was medicated at a relatively young age and didn't have a say in the matter (put on Methylphenidate at 12; switched over to Adderall at 14)—I've developed this huge, underlying surge of resentment toward those "responsible" for getting me onto this medication (my Mom, my psychologist, my teachers, the doctor that initially prescribed it, the doctors who have since continued to prescribe it to me—without really seeming to evaluate me properly in order to check if there were any problems that could be attributed to the medication … etc.). I know that those involved were—for the most part—just trying to help me ... I’m a VERY forgiving and empathetic person, but I still can’t help but feel this way. Does anyone else feel similarly? Do any of you think it’s wrong to feel this way? Any thoughts?

[BeHereNow]

Hi! YES, in the past I have felt these feelings of resentment towards my former enabler, who also thought she was doing something helpful and nice for me. I've gone back and forth on it, but eventually I just had to let it go and understand that nobody forced me to take it--I chose to, and quitting is cleaning up my own mess.

The difference is that you were medicated at a young age by doctors and parents. I chose to take this as an adult and lost control and I can't resent anyone, but you were a minor and you didn't really have quite as much of a choice. 14-year old brains are not yet fully formed, and although you might have had some degree of choice, there's a reason why the legal system treats minors differently from how it treats adults: minors are in some sense less responsible for their actions.

So, I think your feelings of resentment are completely understandable and valid. (Mine on the other hand were irrational, but I am happier now that I let them go.) Resentment and anger are expensive emotions though, so I think it might be worth working through them. I mean people go through all kinds of abuse at as children and have to find ways of not allowing anger, resentment, trauma, etc. to ruin their lives. Do you have a good therapist? That might help you work through this; it's probably the route I'd take if I were you. It sounds like working through these emotions might be part of your healing process. What do you think?

[Confused84]

Thanks for your comments Occassional01

[catw66]

I've been feeling a lot of resentment towards my psychiatrist for putting me on this stuff as a bipolar depressive in the first place. In the second place, a deep down resentment is forming again over my parents putting all their issues and b.s. on me as "identified patient" - with the result being that I've been on many, many different medications since I was 16 years old and it just became a natural part of life to accept trying one chemical or combo thereof after another and just getting sicker over the years with severe depression and fatigue issues. It's all coming up as I work my way off this Adderall finally. I now want off the other drugs I've been on as well for depression and pain.

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

Anger and resentment towards your enablers is perfectly normal. We want to blame someone for the "us" we became.  Some blame themselves.  Some blame circumstances.  Some blame the circumstances.  Some blame the doctor.  In the end, recovery for me meant the removal of blame and the recognition of the current state. No matter why, or who, here I am and now I need to dig out.  

 

I'm 9 months clean and I'm still digging, hard, every day.  It's hard work, and with very little reward sometimes.  But it's better than the alternative.  I think I'd be dead if I had kept going along the path I was leading before...