AmeliePoulain Posted June 28, 2013 Report Share Posted June 28, 2013 Hi all, I stumbled across this site the other night after endlessly looking for help. I am on dexamphemine - same type of drug as adderall. I am planning to stop my medication tomorrow and am petrified. I'll keep this as brief as poss - if anyone has a moment to read, I can't tell you how much it would mean to me right now. I started off on 15mg per day and now I am taking upto 40mg per day. I have panic attacks, depression and insomnia, have started taking a range of other prescription meds to help with sleep and anxiety, and my self esteem and sense of worth are utterly non existent. I didn’t feel right about going on the medication to start with – but I was going through a divorce and things didn’t seem to be getting any better – I was just desperate for some help to keep up with life (I was practicing and teaching law at the same time). There were obviously benefits – but always felt like a weak person, who had failed at life. I never told my parents about my diagnosis because I am too embarrassed and feel like a failure. I have been in an insanely intense masters program overseas for the last year and managing the effects of the medication has been crippling. I have been so close to the edge so many times, I got to a point where I didn’t think it was safe for me to stay here, away from home. A lot of it was just exhaustion. I felt many times like I was actually losing my mind. I knew early on this year I wanted to get off the medication – but felt that I had to wait until my exams were over. I’ve wondered many times if this was the right decision. My dr put me on amitriptyline, beta blockers and eventually zopiclone as well as the dex to help me sleep and get through the exams. Before last year, I never took medication – but this combo is probably the reason I have survived the last 2 or 3 months. Now I am here. My final exam is tomorrow and I am ditching the dex and the zopiclone after that. I am completely terrified. I have no idea what is going to happen to me. Is it safe for me to stop taking 40mg per day cold turkey? Will it damage my heart? I am worried about the first few weeks… but more than that, I am really frightened that I have damaged my brain and/or my ability to feel joy or contentment in the long term. Is this what happens? It’s only been 18 months – 15mg and slowly upto 40mg (only the last month). I took regular drug vacations until recently. Please, please, please tell me I’m going to be ok. Please tell me my brain will be ok – I am pursuing an academic career, it is so important that I can think. I am prepared for a few months of difficulty – but I need to believe that this is the right decision and that I will be ok. If you got this far, thank you so much for reading this. No one knows – I just have to keep the productive efficient front up – and I have never felt so alone. Thank you for listening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Confused84 Posted June 28, 2013 Report Share Posted June 28, 2013 Welcome to the forum! You're going to be fine! ... Your brain will be fine, too (you've only been on it for a relatively short period of time and the brain is extremely resilient). Only you can truly know if this is the right decision for you or not, but from what you wrote it sounds to me like it is ... The "I'm going crazy" feeling IS from the Amphetamine ... You're lucky because you've only been on these meds for a year and your pre-medicated self is still fresh in your mind (amphetamine can change personality) ... Also, since you were smart enough to take regular breaks from the drug that'll likely help as well ... I've been on Adderall for about 15 years and it's definitely ruined my life (like you I've been taking 40 milligrams a day--but for EVERY SINGLE DAY) ... Today I've decided to not take any to see how I do ... I'm surprised, it's early but so far so good ... I want to caution you though about being too ambitious ... It sounds like you have a lot of mentally-demanding activities and responsibilities going on right now and it may be best for you to wait until you can take a week or two off from all your obligations ... If you CAN still fulfill your obligations without the meds then I suggest you endure through everything that way. If not, don't feel bad--just wait for the next possible moment that you can take time away from your responsibilities. Pretty much anything non-essential to your life or to your survival will have to be neglected for a while ... If you're serious about quitting then that has to be your only focus in life for a time--possibly to the detriment of everything else, if necessary ... You will get better and you just have to believe in that ... Anyway I hope this has helped ... I wish I could speak from experience but everything I wrote you is from generalities that I've extracted from the countless experiences that I've read. Good luck! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmeliePoulain Posted June 29, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 29, 2013 Thank you so much- I really appreciate the response. Yes after my final exam tomorrow, I'll have two months off. I'll be doing some traveling stuff with family, but have told them I'll be tired from exams+year from hell. Just baby steps, right? In the short term I'm really worried about depression, and also weight gain and physical deterioration- just as a result of not having energy to do anything. I'll have to look around the forum a bit more, it would be great to read some success stories for getting off the drugs. Thank you so much for your reassurance and encouragement- it means the world. And best of luck with your journey! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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