Is there anything you can do to help someone when they are in denial?

[Michelle1]

I recently shared my story. My husband and I are months away from finalizing our divorce. He was supposed to get off the pills last July. He tried and failed. He keeps moving the goal post. He has extremely erratic behavior. For example, our daughter woke up with the stomach flu on Easter morning and I offered to bring over oral Zofran prescribed to her from a pediatrician. He refused to give it to her, went to the hospital on his vacation day, put his scrubs on, badged in, stole an IV, Zofran, Lidocaine and administered an IV on our 3-year-old at home. The divorce is very contentious, as you can imagine, but yet just weeks ago gave me a $1,000 gift card to a spa for my birthday. He seemed like he was taking his pills for the last several weeks because he was very nice, normal, but I know it's always fleeting. For weeks telling me he wants to go to therapy, work it out, he loves me, attempting to kiss me, complimenting me incessantly. He tried for days to hang out and spend time together and go on a date (like a trial run, he said). Our marriage was the trial run...I never agreed to anything or spent time alone with him. I told him he needed to get off his pills for good, not for a few days or a week, but permanently and then we would evaluate in counseling. Quite frankly, I don't know that I could ever get past everything he has said and done and I certainly don't want to be with this version of him. I think our marriage is likely past saving, but I like to think if he ever got off his pills and was the person I once knew that maybe I could forgive him and we could find a way back for the sake of our two small children. I knew this would likely be fleeting and sure enough, he hadn't taken his pills and I called to wake him up at 10 am last week because he was sleeping through our daughter's preschool party (she was with him and missing it). He went beserk, telling me he was a fool for trying to make it work with me, even though the night before he was begging me to go on a date with him. It was not a big deal, yet everything is a deal breaker to him. I always say the punishment never fits the crime. 

I was able to have somewhat of a conversation with him about the pills last week. He admits he abused them, but claims only "once or twice." He has an answer for everything... When I mentioned him getting extra pills from friends, it was purely because his schedule was so busy and when he couldn't get in to see his doctor for a refill on time there would be a gap so he would just get extra from friends until his appointment. He told me "Adderall is not addictive. There are no withdrawal symptoms - you can only get withdrawal from alcohol, benzos, or opiods." Yet, he was oddly using a tapering system last July and told me he couldn't get off cold turkey. He said, "I have never had withdrawal symptoms, it's out of your system so fast." He says it's only 1% of people that have aggression/hostility on Adderall and it would've happened when he first started taking them, not many years down the road. He says he's always been a binge drinker, but he's not an alcoholic. I never ever witnessed binge drinking or any issues with alcohol for many years until the last 3 years when I believe he had the most stress, he abused the pills, and I have known him for 9 years now. He blames his temper on his dad, but I never witnessed his temper anything like what I have seen for the last 1.5 years (no accountability, someone else is always to blame). He said verbatim, "You know I am not an addict. I have never been addicted to anything in my life. Now, if you say I had a psychological dependence on them you could be correct. An addict feels a compulsion to take the pills every day. If I am an addict then how can I go days without taking them?" I think he hoards and binges. He says he is going to get off them in October after oral boards are complete and that I can't ask him to get off now, because I have no clue what his life is like. He said it's a crutch, it's makes his life easier and helps him study, but that's it. He acts like I am a complete idiot and the drugs have played no role in anything. 

I am happy to hear any feedback. He is in the thick of it and cannot see what it's doing to him -- is there anything I could ever say or do to get him to come to reality? Is there anything I could show him that would help him see things as they are and see he needs help?