Adderall will keep you in the wrong relationships

[xenia0323]

I have been off adderall for over a month now after being on it basically for the past 10+ years and suddenly have realized how the GUILT and SHAME of being on it, combined with the brutal comedowns and worsening depression and anxiety have kept me in a soul-crushing, degrading, abusive relationship for so long. I may feel tired here and there without adderall but the shame and guilt are gone and I feel like I’ve been given a new lease on life!

Due to my addiction, I’ve let this person bring me down to new levels of low over and over and it’s because:

1. I felt like a worthless addict for being unable to quit before so I didn’t stand up for myself.

2. my mood swings made me feel so guilty after, I would overcompensate and accept horrible things from him because I felt I deserved it and had to make up to him by basically losing all my dignity and respect. But I didn’t. No one deserves an abusive partner. NO ONE. 
 

Each day I hated myself more for letting my life get to this point, yet adderall was my only pick-me-up until I just decided to try a day without it, then a week and now it’s been over a month! I literally have moments where I giggle because I feel so free and the happiest I’ve been in YEARS!

I take full responsibility for my mood swings and blame myself for staying. I’m not here to make myself sound like a saint because I’m certainly not. I just want to warn others who may not have realized they’re in similar situations.

Look around you: who’s taking advantage of your addiction? It might be subtle but the damage can be life-altering. 

I must add that taking Aplenzin (god-sent drug!) and using caffeine pills have been a lifesaver during the transition (I take a normal amount of them because I hate the taste of coffee lol). I also started yoga, breathwork (holotropic) and dancing so I make sure I check in with myself but also maintain a connection with the outside world. 
 

Thank you for reading and best luck to each of you on your journeys!