Anyone have some personal stories about quitting and regaining the patience and confidence to do schoolwork?

[whosthisguy]

I'm starting this thread to give me/some others some some hope. I'm surprised a thread like this hasn't been started. I'm so frustrated that I have no concentration right now, let alone drive to get off the couch. Drinking to deal with the fatigue (paradoxical, but alcohol is another demon I struggle with) probably isn't helping, but whatevs. 

 

It's summer and I thought I was going to have the ability to relax while I quit. Wrong. I finished my thesis this past semester and I'm getting it ready for publication. I basically have to rewrite it to prep it as a manuscript. I want to cry. And pull my hair out (but I won't, since AD is what got me my trichotillomania DX, lol). I told my professor that I would have it into him next week and I haven't even started. I'm thinking about e-mailing him and telling him that on top of vacationing for 4th of July/coming down with a stomach bug this past week that I'm quitting a med that is making my mind foggy.  I'm pretty close with him and actually told him when I went on it a few years ago.

 

Us Adderall users are notorious for demanding a lot of work out of ourselves and I'm just wondering how those in academia fare(d) during W/D.

[AmeliePoulain]

Hi whosthisguy

 

I am in a similar position - I'm not sure I have any good news, but I can share my thoughts. I know this sounds really trite, but recovery takes time. Not only do you have to get used to not being on the drug, but you have to change your performance standards and get used to doing things differently. It's not worse - just slower and less intense - and you have to modify your self expectations to accommodate that. Your performance measures can't be the same as they were before - you'll be a bit foggier, move more slowly and (I believe) produce more carefully considered work. 

 

I have been "lucky" because I've got a break from study and work to withdraw and recover. Regarding your immediate situation, a few things. Firstly, you are worried about what your professor is thinking, but you probably don't know what he is really thinking - the standards and deadlines are probably self imposed expectations about how you think you should perform. Is that right? Just re-set the bar. Maybe write to him and tell him that you'll be another week. Don't feel the need to weave complex stories - this is just life and you are both adults. If he inquires or gives concrete reasons for why it needs to be sooner, then deal with that at the time. But don't pre-empt his disapproval. You need a little more time, so just create it for yourself. Most likely the world will conform to you - he will be ok with it (he has his own life to get on with and unlikely that you are the centre of his world!), the time will materialise and no one will take a second look.

 

Once you've got time and breathing space, then you can consider your own motivations and how to get the work done. What works well for you? A little bit of work each day maybe? Rewards? Set yourself time deadlines rather than task based deadlines. E.g. I'm not going to finish this job today, all i'm going to do is work on it for an hour. Then the starting is easier. Take the pressure off yourself. You expect so much from yourself and it becomes unbearable. Be gentle. Maybe once you've got the extra time, you need an extra full day off to let go of all the self judgment.

 

I hope this makes some sense and might help. I know exactly what you're going through - just take it step by step, you're doing a great job.

[whosthisguy]

Thanks, Amelie. That helped reframe things for me and made me feel a little bit better! I'm just two weeks in now so it is kind of frustrating not knowing when I'll just be used to life without it. I agree that the quality of our work likely will not change on or off Adderall, just the feeling of accomplishment might be different. For better or for worse.