tessa0412 Posted July 30, 2013 Report Share Posted July 30, 2013 One thing my therapist asks me is what am I so afraid off? For 5 years I've lasted on off adderall at most 2-3 weeks. I do ok , I don't get crazy withdrawl but when things are even going good ( or of course bad) I use. I have good people around me so why why why do I pick up Hence the ? " what am I afraid of?" Like when I'm sober what am I so afraid of I always draw a blank than thought its because I'm afraid of who I am Without it? I hate myself on it tho And when I'm clean I feel grateful happy for being so I'm always on guard and worried if I'm enough or doing the "right thing" On adderall I worry about organizing cleaning speeding and finding more I guess I'm ignoring all those wondering if lim ok feelings Thoughts? What is everyone else so afraid of ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whosthisguy Posted July 31, 2013 Report Share Posted July 31, 2013 One word: Failure. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted August 4, 2013 Report Share Posted August 4, 2013 Four concepts here (great question, by the way): Failure Being judged harshly by others, and them being right (stupid, crazy, ugly, selfish) The future 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted August 4, 2013 Report Share Posted August 4, 2013 ... and getting it wrong (see, like saying there's 4 concepts when really there's only three)... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tessa0412 Posted August 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted August 5, 2013 We all fear to much. Seeing your guys responses I'm totally agreeing and realizing I do the same thing we all do. Obsessively. What's with fear and addiction? Our fear got the best of us in the first place because we put a veil over the fear with a blanket of addiction. Numbing 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catw66 Posted August 8, 2013 Report Share Posted August 8, 2013 I've been through a few addictions in my life and what they did was distract me from reality and all my fears - the whole process of engaging in my addiction would take on a simplified, goal-orientated sense of agency that seemed too complicated if I felt I had to apply it consistently to the things that really mattered. Sometimes I'm afraid of things going too well if I get on a roll, because I won't want to feel disappointed if that roll comes to an end. Life is a continuum of doings and experiments with various results and why I fear that, I don't know at times. I think my expectations were always skewed and then I had a mood disorder that affected my thinking about things and it was easier to just escape in the process of addiction with guarenteed results and feelings - even if the consequences got worse over time. I fear success and having to keep going and pushing - or that people will expect me to be better than I am at times. Failure is definitely another fear. I worry how i will handle it if I don't deal with something that comes up just right as I have not dealt with disappointment, emotions, etc.. So I'm having to learn - a lot in fact. CBT therapy, DBT therapy, meditation, etc.. A little success and happiness won't kill me here and there. I just got used to having to struggle and fight reality all the time - from when I was a kid even..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catw66 Posted August 8, 2013 Report Share Posted August 8, 2013 I just realized that what I fear is CONFLICT. I grew up in a high-conflict household and didn't have the cognitive maturity to process it well. I was never an emotionally stable or happy child and was pushed around from care-giver to care-giver who I didn't really know and I would end up in conflict sometimes over it all. Over the years, I tended to befriend other troubled people and have continued that into my adult life and then don't know how to deal with it when they act off-balance or with a lack of integrity so conflict has emerged. I 've become afraid of dealing with people in general or getting too close - and then beating myself up for not dealing with highly dysfunctional people as well as I think I ought to. If I have to end hopeless relationships, I experience more loss so there is that fear as well. LOSS. The easier thing would learn how to expect occasional conflict and to deal with it as it comes up and just have more people in my life who are more sane and easier to know. And to make damn sure I'm emotionally as healthy and equipped for the conflict in life as I can be from now on. I recently had to let go of a re-redeemed friend for pushing on me for too much time and attention yet again. I tried to set the boundary nicely - three times - and he responded badly by blaming me and then pretending to have symptoms of a TIA or stroke, which I found out I have a higher risk for than average for based on a couple of heart defects that were recently discovered ( which and will not get repaird if or until I have two strokes first - due to big insurance in our country). so this really pissed me off as I knew he was faking it for attention and he has done this before. I ripped him a new one with as much good advice as I could manage in the process too. I felt it was about time someone let him know how his tactics really work out in the end, and then felt bad for days about it, telling myself I can't handle conflict well and there's something wrong with me. So this has developed into not wanting people to get too close to me anymore. I'm afraid I won't deal with their issues well enough. But this guy was totall personality disordered. So having the wrong people or situations in one's life can become a self-fulfilling prophesy over time. All fears must be seen as potential self-fulfilling prophesies, is all I am saying here really. And it's good to identify them and work through them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tessa0412 Posted August 9, 2013 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2013 I really enjoyed ur response thanks For Opening up. I found myself agreeing with alot of what you were saying . I too grew up in a dis functional home. I also agreed with what you said about attracting people that are maybe negative. I noticed how u said U recently "broke up" w Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tessa0412 Posted August 9, 2013 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2013 A friend .. U also said u threw in some words of advice.. That's when I realized for sure we are alot Of like.. I tend to play a martyr or think I can fix or help people... Mother Theresa .. But I'm just putting the attention off myself. Maybe if I "fix" others or help others it can help me? But in reality I think it's just another distraction. Or I'm being co dependent.. I remember talking to my therapist about this and she agreed ex specially on the co dependent stuff. She consistently points out my savior qualities.. And how it's about time I just play savior to myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tessa0412 Posted August 9, 2013 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2013 Avoid conflict - fear Conflict for sure. Growing up in a home with a lot of conflict definitely has made me become almost a push over .. Just wanting to the conflict to go away even if I have to be ur punching bag j 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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