Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy

[EnigmaticBelle]

My name is Lauren. I've been married for a year. I was prescribed adderall several years ago and was last prescribed adderall 3 years ago because of severe abuse. I was misdiagnosed as having ADHD, so the drug functioned as speed. It was a miracle drug. It "fixed" all my problems. College, house-cleaning, weight, personality/shyness, EVERYTHING! I depended on it for every hour I was awake, many nights tweaked out.

My doctor weaned me off the medication after learning about the abuse. My parents had to "nurse" me through the weaning. It was (and still is) the hardest hell in the world and wish it NOT on my worst enemy. I continued to steal it, buy it, lie about it, lived for it. I became worn out from hunting the drug, so I became hooked on ephedrine and took LOTS of it. Just a year ago I finally realized that I had a serious problem and I was an addict. I quit ephedrine also. Finally I surrendered. I fell on the floor and cried to God for mercy. I felt stripped of everything that had mattered in my life. Since quitting adderall, I had gained nearly 40 pounds. My whole life, being skinny was important to me. No stimulants anymore, just coffee (that doesn't work). It was either suicide or mercy from God.

Still every day I think about adderall and dream about it often (my mother & brother continue to take it). I am on wellbutrin and celexa to deal with depression. The only thing I can depend on now is God. I have no choice but to depend on someone bigger than me. I am weak and He is my only source of strength. It is still a very humbling experience. This addiction has scarred me for life, but we can only learn to go forward.