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9 months and goin' nuts


Krax

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9 months now, not counting January 25 "slip" where I took a low dose one time - anyways, just going crazy!  I have a lot of vitality, just can't focus and have no interest in anything. Don't want to be at work, don't want to be at home, just nothing.  Supplement experience as follows:  5-HTP feels like my experience with SSRI's - just this loopy feeling; Lion's Mane (lifeshield mind force supp) makes me a total zombie; L-Tyrosine FEELS NOTHING AT ALL.

 

Just have to remind myself this is temporary.

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I still have that anhedonia too, after 20 months, but it's gotten better. I think the anhedonia stems from not being able to anticipate pleasure anymore. On adderall, you never had to because you knew exactly where that pleasure was coming from, and when (all day). So, I think it's a matter of building up that anticipation muscle that atrophied on speed.

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I still have that anhedonia too, after 20 months, but it's gotten better. I think the anhedonia stems from not being able to anticipate pleasure anymore. On adderall, you never had to because you knew exactly where that pleasure was coming from, and when (all day). So, I think it's a matter of building up that anticipation muscle that atrophied on speed.

 

that makes a lot of sense. I'd like to think it will get better, it's not like I have a choice, I actually don't really want that amp feeling it's just the void.  

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Krax, I just wanna chime in because my experiences are so different from yours in all respects. At nine months, I felt the beginning of releif from the ho-hums. It was very noticible and exciting to enter a new phase of recovery. Some people start feeling better around eight months, while others may take up to a year, but the good news is that feeling much better is just around the corner for you. Regarding the supps, I have been experimenting with 5 HTP for about a month now. I take one pill about an hour before bed time and it puts me to sleep and keeps me there better than tha benzos ever did. I do feel groggy in the mornings from it and sometimes it is hard to get rolling without a lot of coffee. Not sure I want to keep taking it so I just use it when I need better sleep. Lions Mane (Host Defense brand; 1500 mg/day) has given me my mind and memory back. Also better focus and mental clarity. Tyrosine is a great mood elevator but I rarely need it in the summer. But when I am having a bad day, tyrosine usually makes it better. I also use fish oil daily, a good multivitamin and vitamins C and D whenever I think I need them.

Hang in there.

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I agree with 1Bad88.  Recovery is such an individual thing.  For me, it's been a fucking wild ride.  I honestly couldn't tell you whether I feel generally better or not because I am experiencing such highs and lows and in betweens that keeping track of it is exhausting. 

 

One thing I will say, having spent some time away from the forums, is that sometimes I was guilty of paying TOO much attention to my mood, rather than getting on with life.  I was being a little too reductive in thinking that because I felt weepy or tired, it was a PAWS day; or if I felt great it was a step-towards-recovery.  I have tried to let the moods and the feelings wash over me, and let them pass, and keep on.  I find that to be the most reassuring way to live.   And it sounds a lot easier than it is.  

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