I need support and guidance. a quick synopsis

[kori]

I have been self meditating and addicted since my boyfriend died in 2007. this is to a whole laundry list of drugs- iv heroin/coke, any and all benzos...actually scratch this ill just say I was addicted to anything and everything that altered my state of reality (with the exception of meth-never tried that, never wanted to thank God!!!)

I have had periods of 'clean time' throughout my grieving process. the longest one being almost 2 years. I am proud to say that through my faith, my depression and suicidal ideation has cobeen completely lifted after struggling with it since I was 13.

I haven't used a needle or done anything of the sort in a long time and have absolutely no desire to take on that beast again. currently I am only taking adderall (and vitamins, herbal supplements, OTC meds PRN). For the sake of boring you to death with the drawn out adderallic details ill try to keep this brief

Upon finding this site, it blew my mind. I was overwhelmed with motivation and support from the members on here. I had intentions of quitting, but secretly wasn't ready to commit.

I was enlightened tonight...through reading and posting I felt I had an epiphany. how can I be preaching out all of good advice, but not heeding to it myself? I cannot take my hypocritical self anymore, and I am looking to really do it- drop this stuff- for good.

I am only in my 20s and have been through a lot of trauma and I'm only putting myself through more by remaining on this pill I abuse. yeah I'm terrified of gaining weight, but maybe I need to learn how to be comfortable in my own skin.

the real problem here for me is insecurity, lack of self control/self respect, and most of all, anxiety. I worked through my 6+ year battle with depression. Maybe I am being overanalytical.

Any advice, feedback, encouragement, stories etc are MORE than appreciated. I know I'm not sick be here people so help me get my ass in gear!!!

[kori]

BY THE WAY in retrospect that was not a quick synopsis, lol. sorry for the novel...and the false advertising

[kori]

Ok my phone sucks I mean to type "I know I am not alone here and it wrote " I know I am not sick here"...lol I am sick that's why I am here...and this time I am not looking for a prescription to make me well again.

[JustinW]

Sometimes a synopsis ends up being long, in this case, you are trying to condense life into a blurb.  It was an admirable effort.  Are you currently Adderall free or just starting to plan your path to freedom?  I wish you the best of luck in kicking this stuff and will cheer your progress along the way.  It is not an easy row to plow but you can do it.

 

As far as "heavy metal (and drums) make everything better", you forgot to include cow bell (hopefully I'm not aging myself).

 

When your phone pisses you off check out http://www.damnyouautocorrect.com

[Jon]

the real problem here for me is insecurity, lack of self control/self respect, and most of all, anxiety. I worked through my 6+ year battle with depression.

 

 

_{Kori, You will need to face these things again if you are going to successfully quit Adderall. It just comes with the process of recovery. I know it seems scary, but you can do anything you put your mind to.}

 

_{You can find the success stories all over this website. Start with the articles written by Mike. "How to quit Adderall" That is a good place to start.  Look at the FAQ's. Read the threads, pick a date to quit, cut off your supplier (maybe your doctor) and prepare to nothing for the first 2 weeks of quitting except sleep and rest. Plan your quit around a time when you can dedicate this 2 week period. These are just fundemental ideas that are covered in detail in Mikes writings available from the home page at the top.}

 

_{I also suggest that you use a PC to interact with the site. Maybe you don't see all of the options available to you.}

[kori]

Thank you for the.prompt responses and support. sometimes that is the only thing that pushes me through, esp during the beginning. I know I'm just not reaching my potential in life and its time to make a drastic change.

I'm kind of scared and apprehensive to the depression I know will ensue but at least.this resource is available and I know that all of you genuinely care.

[JustinW]

Kori,

 

How are you doing?  I hope well.

 

P.S. Love the updated signature.

[Freedom's Wings]

Kori I can tell you have a good sense of humor. 

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

Thank you for the.prompt responses and support. sometimes that is the only thing that pushes me through, esp during the beginning. I know I'm just not reaching my potential in life and its time to make a drastic change.

I'm kind of scared and apprehensive to the depression I know will ensue but at least.this resource is available and I know that all of you genuinely care.

 

Hey can I be argumentative for a sec?  You don't need "drastic change".. that sounds hard and scary and impossible and most likely to put you off from doing anything about it.  All you need to do is make the most helpful choice for you RIGHT NOW.  Don't think about big changes, it's exhausting.  Just think about the you you want to be at this very instant, and give that awesome person inside you a chance to shine.  

 

Be positive - you know what to do.  

 

Hugs.