Popular Post Zerokewl Posted November 2, 2013 Popular Post Report Share Posted November 2, 2013 It seems like a another life. Like some crazy asshole went on a spree fucking up my life. I'm left here dealing with old ghosts,regret and fragments of my Adderall life. What the fuck happened!! My mind grapes are still a little scrambled. From what I understand it will return in time,everyday things get a little better. Though when I think back on this year and all its heartache I cry. I truly hit rock bottom and it was quite a fall. Adderall had a profound impact on my life. I'm humbled by this experience that has given me a new appreciation for life. I'm closer with my family and friends, open to new experiences people and things. The last 5 months I experienced some of the darkest days of my life. But when that darkness broke the first rays of light were glorious. Now I'm in the process of rebuilding my new life. I'm wobbly, fragile and unsure of myself. But I'm here now and thats what's important. The productive, brilliant,funny and loveable me is screaming to get out. I'm trying now to imagine where i'll be in 1 year. I'm cautiously optimistic about my future. I don't have grandiose plans. I just want to be happy, healthy and sane. I know in time I will look back at this year with a certain fondness and stinging regret. Thank-you Jon, justin, Cassie, MFA, Asheley, quit-once,Ocassional, Reset, InRecovery, LilOhio, lunax, Krax, Searchingsoul, Falcon, Freedoms WIng, Kyle, Mike and all the people I haven't mentioned. You give me HOPE for humanity and the internet. This process would have been impossible without you. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted November 2, 2013 Report Share Posted November 2, 2013 You are a good person, Z, and you are going to be an inspiration for all of the people you mentioned and all of those that will come behind you. I am proud to say I know you. Congratulations on achieving the 5 month mark! Keep up the good works you freely give on this forum. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunax Posted November 2, 2013 Report Share Posted November 2, 2013 I truly admire your courage and can relate to everything you just said. Stay strong I'll be right behind you 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeHereNow Posted November 2, 2013 Report Share Posted November 2, 2013 Congrats on 5 months ZK!!!! That's a huge milestone and I have to say that you have so much to contribute here. I can tell that you will be successful on this quitting journey. It seems like a another life. Like some crazy asshole went on a spree fucking up my life. I'm left here dealing with old ghosts,regret and fragments of my Adderall life. What the fuck happened!! Well said my friend...... adderall makes such a HUGE mess! So many regrets and so many ghosts! So many possibilities lost. So many mistakes! And then I have to wonder about the quality of my post-quitting life decisions in the aftermath of adderall, when I haven't been in my right mind probably all year. I can't even think about it. It all feels unreal: what the fuck happened?!?! I have no idea how the fuck to clean my own mess up, it's turning out to be so much deeper than I expected. A bottomless pit. So I wish I had something more to offer you. All I can say is that we are all cleaning up our messes in our own ways. And that's why this forum gives me hope. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted November 2, 2013 Report Share Posted November 2, 2013 Congrats for five months. ZK. that is about 150 days give or take a few. When you get to measuring it in years not days it feels like you have made some life-long changes. At five months, I finally found the courage to unload all of the pills I had been saving. Saving for what? my friend asked me....and I had to search my soul for an answer. "in case I get severe allergies?" no, there are other pills for that. "In case you were dying." he said confidently And I had to agree that is the one time I would go back to the adderall and go out in a blaze of glory, high on everything I could get my hands on. Since I was not planning on dying before the pills expired, I gladly gave him my entire stash. Rearding cleaning up the messes adderall left behind....mine were more physical messes of clutter piles everywhere. I still have a few areas in my home that have not been sorted and purged since adderall. I am always amazed what I find because there is always a way to date these clutter messes back to peak adderall (receipts, newspapers, etc) I just cleaned up a shed that had not been de-cluttered since adderall and I found some lost things. I still have the tool bench in my garage to deal with and a few other areas. What I have found is that once these areas get uncluttered and cleaned up, they now stay that way. I can't believe how I used to let the dishes pile up until there were no clean dishes left in the house, and I have a fucking dishwasher! Now, it drives me nuts if the dishes are not put away at the end of the day. Just a few rambling thoughts.....I sure do not miss adderall. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerokewl Posted November 2, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 2, 2013 Got hit with a snowstorm on the prairies today. A total whiteout. My car is outta commish for a few weeks due to the clutch. So other than a walk to Stumptown for coffee and to flirt with the punk barista. I'm stuck indoors for the rest of the day. Dealing with my adderall mess one pile of clutter and one line of code at a time. I guess this is the only way to deal. Serenity prayer applies here God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference. Thank-you for all your kind responses. I look forward to many more anniversary celebrations. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinW Posted November 4, 2013 Report Share Posted November 4, 2013 Congratulations on 5 months! You were the reason that I joined the site and your open, honest, and genuine communication continues to by an inspiration to us all. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cat Posted November 4, 2013 Report Share Posted November 4, 2013 Congrats on five months! A snowstorm + Stumptown coffee sounds so cozy... I'm jealous. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinW Posted November 5, 2013 Report Share Posted November 5, 2013 It seems like a another life. Like some crazy asshole went on a spree fucking up my life. ZK - you have a gift for words that resonates with so many of us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerokewl Posted November 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 5, 2013 thanks man I have to update my Linked in profile today. Really needed that encouragement. have a great day 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Searchingsoul9 Posted November 6, 2013 Report Share Posted November 6, 2013 It seems like a another life. Like some crazy asshole went on a spree fucking up my life. I'm left here dealing with old ghosts,regret and fragments of my Adderall life. What the fuck happened!! My mind grapes are still a little scrambled. From what I understand it will return in time,everyday things get a little better. Though when I think back on this year and all its heartache I cry. I truly hit rock bottom and it was quite a fall. Adderall had a profound impact on my life. I'm humbled by this experience that has given me a new appreciation for life. I'm closer with my family and friends, open to new experiences people and things. The last 5 months I experienced some of the darkest days of my life. But when that darkness broke the first rays of light were glorious. Now I'm in the process of rebuilding my new life. I'm wobbly, fragile and unsure of myself. But I'm here now and thats what's important. The productive, brilliant,funny and loveable me is screaming to get out. I'm trying now to imagine where i'll be in 1 year. I'm cautiously optimistic about my future. I don't have grandiose plans. I just want to be happy, healthy and sane. I know in time I will look back at this year with a certain fondness and stinging regret. Thank-you Jon, justin, Cassie, MFA, Asheley, quit-once,Ocassional, Reset, InRecovery, LilOhio, lunax, Krax, Searchingsoul, Falcon, Freedoms WIng, Kyle, Mike and all the people I haven't mentioned. You give me HOPE for humanity and the internet. This process would have been impossible without you. CONGRATS!!! 5 months is something to be so very proud of. Hell, one day is something to be proud of. You're doing so great and it will only get easier. So happy for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.