Nervous/ Craving

[RScapricorn6]

I am in a transitional period in my life right, now and i am trying to find a job that I will like and feel good about myself. I am thinking about becomming a store manager at wegmens, but i am nervous that i won't have the mania, and energy to do it well or at all without adderall. I can't go back to adderall though. I want to sooo bad sometimes but i know i just can't do it. 3 months without it, almost 4, and i am taking phentermine for weight loss and keeping my weight down. I stopped taking phentermine yesterday, but this morning i was feeling tired, and hungry so I took half a pill instead of a whole one...I think i am on a slippery slope here. Advice, support, your story would be very helpful

[Greg]

Think about it this way. Your recovery is SO MUCH more important than working right now. Kicking this is going to get you through the rest of your LIFE. If you need to put off working for a little bit, so you can stay home and deal with your recovery - DO THAT.

I just want to note that some people like Quit-Once do go back to work right away and it's not a problem. But if you seem to be on the border of re-entering your addiction, and it's starting to look like you won't be able to work without popping adderall again, I recommend you just wait a little bit. That job will be there when you're ready.

Not being able to deal with the terrible withdrawal is probably the biggest reason we go back to adderall, even if we are not trying to get that jazzed up high feeling again. One pill is all it takes to letting the addiction control our lives again.

The last time I relapsed, I convinced myself it was all because I felt I needed to go back to work right away. Not only did I felt ants-y to get started, I couldn't bear the thought of doing nothing at home except attend rehab meetings and feel cravings. Going back to work turned out to be a fancy excuse to somewhat legitimately justify taking adderall again because I was so miserable from withdrawal and cravings - and it turned out to be a big mistake. I somehow let my addiction sneak in and hijack my brain again.

To deal with work, I called up my doctors, got back on two prescriptions, and was popping adderall to get me through the day all over again. I swore I would take it "responsibly" this time around. Just like that, I blew another five years of my life (5 years I WISH I could get back) stuck in my addiction rut. I got nowhere, except progressively worse in my addiction. I ended up in the same exact place - and had to quit all over again. Why hadn't I just quit the first time around?

Just tell yourself that right now the number one most important thing in your life should be staying off the pills. Everything else should come second for you. This is so key. At this stage in your recovery, if you let anything else move to the top of the list, you'll be tempted to say "well, you know... I need adderall to do it"...It's too risky...

Think about what a huge accomplishment it will be to finally BEAT this. Think of a life where your pill bottle never factors into anything you need to do, or any decision you need to make.

I got to my thirteen months of clean time by almost obsessively putting recovery at the top of my to-do list every single day.

I just want to say that for a lot of people, work may be the best decision in their recovery right now. I believe 100% that getting back to work without relying on the crutch of adderall is crucial to recovery. But having read your situation, it seems that at this stage, for you, it could end up pushing you over the edge. You are doing so well right now, why mess that up? Just a little bit more time could be really undeniably worth it for you. It could make the difference between staying clean for the rest of your life.