My Story, My Life, My Own Experience

[Techguru]

I want to apologize in advanced for my hand-writing and Grammar Skills because im going in depth and don't want to nit-pick my typing.

 

I swear to you Guys this Life is Crazy, 

 

I come from a very Strict Household, Being that my parents are Africans Nigerians to be exact, Ever since a young age, i was told that i lacked concentration and certain social skills so my teachers diagnosed me as having add,told my parents and being that their African they just laughed it off and said discipline will shape the boy, Trust i me i cant remember how many times i got spanked and punished. That being said if i was interested in a subject or matter i would indulge into it and explore it to it's very existence, Thats me i must have the real truth, the original truth, My mind works empirically, which means i must understand an existence foundation. i will question it forever, that's only if im interested in it Smh. I have a deep yearning to understand Life, Like what is my Purpose, Why am i Here, What is it that i am supposed to DO ? What are we

 

I first started using adderall in the later half of high School, My dad was fed up with inconsistent grades, misbehavior, lack of will,laziness and a plethora of other behaviors, My parent own a Mental Health Clinic ironically , so he takes me to this Indian doctor one of his former employees one day and guys asks me a couple of questions and before i know i was handed a orange container with blue circular pills 10mg, 

 

First thing i remember about that was being SO sweaty, I literally carried Cologne with me and Still at times Classmate would remark about a Odor emitting from, this was especially worst coming from females and the High school i just transferred to was pretty much all black African Americans and the let me know i stank, I still remember doing well in classes and doing any written work especially well Asides from Math,  But i was Nervous and Confused, I hardly spoke and kept to my self much of the time, i felt like a coward, and that i didn't know where i belong,I couldn't speak up it was like being trapped in A cage in the back of a truck and Know idea how you got there. Eventually i Graduated and felt like there was no need for adderall,

 

Relapse This was when things Really Sky- Rocked outta control, So outta High School i end up in Community college because i never paid enough mind to look into 4 year universities, even though my GPA was decent, So my interest levels between particular courses varied either i liked it but it wasn't challenging enough or i just lost interest and you know how that goes. SO eventually the school puts me on probation even though i begged and pleaded to them.

 

So now im out of school and immediately my parents are like you need to get back on your meds coincidentally i got Hired by Best Buy around that Time, This time around However they Really Pumped up the dosage and put me on 30mg Xr, I remember Being A Fanatical Deluded Genuis,I Organized Everything, Clothes to pieces of hair, at Home i Hardly ate Just some fruits and veggies here and there and maybe very early in the morning. I arranged utensils, rearranged furniture you name it,the internet was my Worship Ground i literally spent ever waking second Researching Human Beings first records of it's Origins to Thor's Brother Loki to Chakras to Infinity and Beyond( A side Note  that is really interesting is that you still retain a lot of this knowledge weird Huh lol). 

 

I Lost Weight and people around me were saying that i look good and more fit at First, Later on it turned to Omg Whats wrong, aren't you eating, What happened to you , I just brushed it of and gave them an excuse of work, Exercise and Eating Habits. It was a crazy experience especially for the kind of person that i am already that likes to explore and discover the truth, You lose a sense of self and instead become enslaved to the Urge to DO, I had started losing control and i barely knew it, My grasp of reality was slipping every waking hour, and i became a Juggernaut of Knowledge and Wisdom and a warped sense of reality and applied it to my Surroundings like a Plague,

 

My parents were happy at first because i was getting things done, I was more applied and Focused,Clean and Energetic at work I remember exploding onto customers by the time i was done with you it was like somebody orgasmed a wealth of knowledge of computer and Gizmos and gadgets and i was doing well, not like these retails stores care about your well-being so much as the results and i sold. i remember coming in extremely sharp and well prepared for any situation or scenario, I literally felt like i was some kind of James Bond agent equipped with a growing Mastery of the Worlds History and Knowledge, There are so many quirks that came along, abilities and such and skillful observations. I was Spiraling into My doom Slowly.

 

Getting Paid and Being on adderall is a 50/50 Thing lol i Made some Really good decisions due to research and some really horrible life altering ones due to the Urge to Do and Explore the unknown. 

 

I started doing stupid things that made no sense now that i look back are so laughable, like balancing a coin on my head, or bouncing one of those small bouncy balls on the ground( i still want to do that again lol) I remember Music being Vibrational i could feel the waves throughout my body and do things that still even amaze me till this day, i could express it in ways unknown..I also remember seing Symbols or Hidden Meanings everywhere, or that i was being left a Clue to follow and pursue, Everything was thoroughly analyzed.

 

I remember saying stupid shit to people, but people who had a more open mind were always amazed at what i had to say, At Bestbuy i Honed My skills in different ways, I remember  managers and supervisors being scared or intimidated by me, People were afraid of me because i seemed out of this world like i was unique, like a rare object, the way i was so well put together and my actions made believe i was impossible, My friends were stupid idiots to me, i criticized my parents on their religion and claimed it was false and i didn't believe in god, I had done the research and if what you said didn't match what i research i shut you down it got to a point i packed up all my stuff and threatened to move out, that never went through thank God lol God huh,

 

I was fresh and Mysterious and attractive and so focused powerful and had money so the girls came rushing trying to figure me out, LOl i so miss that, I partied Hard Smoked Weed and drank alcohol and felt nothing could bring me down.

 

It was a Normal Day i swear, No fore-Warning no Sign Lol i had work that day and i remember getting up never actually slept tho, i had a lil pot on me so i rolled it and smoked it half way, SO i get to the bus stop and as i waiting i start reading the company's policy's they want you to sell and doing some awkard shit like excersing with the trash can or something, all of a sudden i see my mom and shes starts bothering me here and there saying im not ok and i need help then all of a sudden i kicked the trash can at her and start yelling at her get the fuck out this and that and then before i knew better the police were there Hand-Cuffing me and wrestling me to the ground and telling me to calm down in my mind at that moment i hadnt done anything wrong and i tell the police i need to get to work and im in the back of the car and i can hear my co-employee voices through the radio thinking it was some sort of test i start answering back and saying stupid shit because im thinking its part of some on field exercise or initiation into a higher level of the job lol. I had started to warp reality to meet my twisted views and expectations.

 

 

I remember being in a wheelchair in a hospital and someone behind me asks how old are you son im 20 i said and i remember the horror slowly settling in of the realization that i was fucked,

I blackout Next thing i know i feel a deep burning sensation where my Private parts are and a tugging at it, I slowly open my eyes and my arms are cuffed to the side of the bed, with doctors and nurses and assistants holding me down, and i raise my head up to look down and these cord s was being slowly pulled out of my penis and other body parts, they were Flushing my body If you want to hear the rest Just Let Me Know If you have any questions or Comments feel free to Leave them i expect plenty and i want to thank you all for allowing me to get this of my chest as a man.