IM NOT SURE IF I NEED HELP??!!?!

[Heidi24]

Most people on here want to quit adderall because they notice how the pill made their life miserable and its understandable obviously, but what happens when the proccess starts the other way? 

 

I started adderall about a year and half ago, why? because i was getting so sick of life! suicidal Hell No but i guess my way of thinking is a little bit different than others. I had one goal one damn dream all my life ever since i can remember and people usually laugh at me or make fun of it because of how general and less descriptive than saying a doctor or lawyer or whatever the fuck else people wanted to hear. It was to be a 1 percenter! thats it so I figured ill work and take business classes and obviously if you want money you learn about money so business degree seemed logical for my goal and than it just got fucked over! I took care of my mom and younger sister i was basically the main supporter my mom is disabled and my sister is 13. I worked like a bitch doing 3-4 jobs at god knows what kind of freakin shifts and it was barely enough to keep my family where they were to begin with and fitting school into all this was pretty annoying too but i never in my life had a doubt that i couldnt do it and i did. Then the tricky part came in where i got sick of working 3 jobs at minimum wage when i could get any health degree or certificate and earn the same with only 1 job, Im one of those freelancers in school i was just about good in every subject because failing for me wasnt an option with 2 others to support, so i went to do that and business classes were different than health obviously so i basically restarded college again. Thennnn…… it got even more annoying because i couldnt for the life of me get motivated about going to class i was just tired of repeating the same day and getting nowhere and thats when I kinda spiraled all over the place. I quit all my jobs but one and started going to school just for loans, i just basically quit life im not really sure if anyone can understand that, the problem was i still had 2 others to support thats when adderall came in the picture! i basically took it to give me enough patience and energy to keep doing whatever the fuck i was doing to pay the bills and what not and try to find another way to get to my goal. So now its been a year and a half on adderall, first year it was going great didnt really think about work or why i was doing it i just did it which is amazing to me because the reason i got sick of everything was cause i kept overthinking how it would never lead me to my goal. After that year im not sure what happened im not sure if it was me or the adderall to be honest, but that same sick of everything feeling came back because i started to think of the fact that it was so pathetic to take adderall just for the energy to go to work so you can keep paying the bills and still end up in square one! it happened so fast but after that i moved to louisiana from michigan got 2 jobs, i convinced myself maybe itll be different this time but nope same no motivation feeling and quit both jobs. As a business person you always invest and thats what i had done was put a little money in an investment account and so happens that the stocks i had my money in boomed after i quit, than i just researched market investing/penny stocks and now i make prolly double or triple what i used to make in a month in just about 3 minutes! which just got me more pissed because i had wasted so many years trying to get to a goal that someone else couldve got in a matter of months! 

 

Everything happend for a reason i guess in my story, yes for me adderall helped me more than hurt me. In NO Way im trying to defend this stimulant but it just makes me question alot of things like im not sure if its hurting me the only difference was that i dont get the happy/patience for a better day feeling; the sleep obviously but in a way i liked that i worked so much and it gave me energy to do it and not feel like complete shit; the smoking that one is bad but i wasnt really a non-smoker before it anyway. I am a very aware person especially psychologically i plan everything i couldnt afford alot of risk growing up and my family and what not, so i plan and research everything way before i took adderall and i still plan out everything and make a daily schedule,shopping schedule and reading is very important to me but that habit didnt change either, i was in every sport in school and i still run and play tennis and basically everything i did before, am i in denial? maybe you should reread my story just because it didnt happen like everyone elses does that really make it denial. 

 

I compared my life endlessely with other adderall users, made dozens of lists wheather adderall was helping me or not and its just not really making a difference. i have lost minimum weight with adderall because before it i would eat soup it was on the go i had a busy life eating good full meals wasnt much of an option most of the time and my body just got in that habit with adderall i just ate less soup but i have also researched my weight from a year ago and it was a 10 pnd difference. I started to wonder if this is normal? i love second opinions and yes i am addicted to adderall now but only because its been a year a half, depression wise nothing than a typical ones, i have always been able to control myself pyschologically to me i refuse to let a pill control me, yes that sounds a bit contradicting since i stated im addicted but no matter the pill or substance my thoughts are my own not the pills, the life direction i chose to go in was my own and it might be controling my bodies wake up/sleep time i still finish my daily schedule just as before, i have never had thoughts of suicide or crazy thoughts like that. Basically what im asking is does this seem normal? would it really hurt me if i didnt stop? I came across this website because i started thinking i dont need it now so i tried to quit adderall and my body was a little  dependent now,and  i just hated not having that much energy and finishing my schedule and most of all i just didnt want to throw away my lifes balance because its exacly where i want to be. So i wanted and needed a little help i cant seem to convince myself that the pill is bad and if i cant do that than i wont be able to stop or even attempt it.

 

[quit-once]

 So i wanted and needed a little help i cant seem to convince myself that the pill is bad and if i cant do that than i wont be able to stop or even attempt it.

This was your bottom line.  If you are looking for help from us to convince you the pill is bad, all you have to do is read, read, read the stories on this web site.  I also suggest you read "the eight stages of amphetamine addiction" over on the announcements forum.  But nothing I say will convince you the pill is bad.  That decision has to come from within.  And if you cannot convince yourself it is bad. then it is pointless to even attempt quitting.  From what you wrote, adderall does not seem to be affecting your life in a negative way.  Yet.

 

What stage of amphetamine addiction are you currently at?  

Has your adderall use caused you any mental or physical problems you are aware of?

Have you been abusing it (taking more than prescribed or running out of pills)?

Do you think you can take adderall for the rest of your life?

[Heidi24]

i have been taking 15mg a day where i split a 30 mg all that time but this month  i been experimenting with more mg and the ironic thing was i got more tired taking more i just got scared and started searching for any side effects and what it would take to quit it and i found this site, i read so many stories and i never thought this pill can hurt this bad. nowadays nobody can run out of adderalls i moved 19hrs away to a different state and it took me less than half an hour to get it, which is really bad. most of it has been mental i just focused more where i guess my brain was just “onâ€, and the smoking, other than that i never really cared i guess. now i get it, thinking that i can take it for the rest of my life is kinda of a side effect i guess im still in love with the feeling but in reality i should just start digging my own grave if i wanna take it that long!!

[Heidi24]

ok so from what i read sleep through 30 days with zzzquill and than wake up superman with amnesia that you never took the pill….. or die trying lol sounds about right?

[Luckyducky]

Heidi24

My life too was amazing for the first year or so but let me tell you when it began to fall it never stopped. Oh yes I was amazing at work I was programming, building websites, and fixing/maintaining 70 PC's/macs and my principal and the staff was so impressed. Ex specially since I went back to work after being a stay at home mom for many years and no experience with computers since the late 1990's. It was all self taught. I also had three kids, Girlscout leader, on school board and a busy social life (keeping up with the jones) and then it happened I realized everything my life was about were tasks, todo lists, and making sure I don't run out or how can I get more and oh yes making sure I went to bed by 10-11 I had to take downers/sleeping pills. Well when reality finally hit me I realized that I left my husband, our marriage, true friendships, family and anything true to me behind. Even though I was physically there always I abandoned them mentally. I sit here now 3 yrs later and see all the brokenness in my family that I have caused. I truly believe I have have been dancing with the devil. I am not in the fight of my life to get better and the day I took that first pill will be the worst day of life. Sorry not trying to scare you nor this may never happen to you but be vigil and aware of this "super drug"

[chris28]

Yeah it's amazing at first. I used/abused it from 15-25. It finally stopped working thank god. It made me angry/irritable as hell, rediculous OCD, millions of projects and only getting a few complete, etc etc.

Long story short, it is amazing at first. It WILL catch up to you though and damage you mentally and possibly physically. There is no "maybe" about this. You can not stay on amphetamines for life. If you are not willing to quit yet, I highly suggest you take this time to make the most of it while it still gives you a boost. Also, if you want to be a millionaire/billionaire, you aren't going to get there working for someone else.

[JustinW]

I realize it's an old post but...

 

The "Underpants gnome" philosophy won't get you there either:

Step 1 - Go to school

Step 2 - ?

Step 3 - profit

 

I would analyze the "why" behind wanting to be a 1%er.  Money doesn't buy happiness and pursuing it can make you even more miserable.  It seems that there are 2 routes to that final goal though, make your own way or become a politician / celebrity.  Chris is right about working for someone else not being a realistic way of achieving your goals.  The self made millionaires out there took big risks to get where they are and the success rate only equates to about 1% of the people who decide to take on the challenge.  Many of those same people piss it all away (i.e. dot com millionaires).