Can I quit now?

[GDTRFB]

Please do keep us posted, CMLT.

I love to read "experience" reports.

(In my younger days it was researching crazy shit on Errowid. Since 2009, it's been about substance withdrawal on recovery forums)

I'm finding adderal to be pretty rough on the psychological side...or maybe my brain is just tired of this shit.

Maybe you can motivate me to get out and exercise. I have lost my momentum physically this week.

Okay, my post is even depressing me, so I'm going to save us all from my grumblings.

Nighty night, friends.

[BeHereNow]

You're doing great CMLT!!!  You CAN do this and it DOES get better!!!

[Greg]

Good job CMLT. this is great you are keeping us posted. Continue staying strong. You will get through this.

[agm1250]

I want to quit Adderall. I have taken it almost daily for 5 years. Sometimes getting up to 120 mg a day. It started when I had a roommate who was late on rent and gave me 10 pills to pay her late fees. I loved it, I was so happy, I lost weight quickly, my grades went up, my house was always clean, my social anxiety decreased. Many things have gone on since then, I did eventually get my own prescription, sometimes still bought from her too, had another doctor giving me vyvanse at the same time.

 

I decided to pursue my love for science and I am currently in a PhD program. I am going onto my third term next week and I have yet to pass a class (B or above), I am on academic probation, and I cannot get myself together, organized or calm.

 

I feel like I can’t remember anything, like the people around me can remember everything that is said, and they all do so well when asked questions, etc. Does Adderall abuse affect memory? It seems like the excessive abuse of stimulants during college worked because all I needed to do was spend time with the material. Study for hours and hours and hours, trigger that part of my brain on some multiple-choice exam and recognize the answers.

 

Although I feel like blaming the Adderall, it has been my only ally and friend. What got me here in the first place.

 

I have a prescription now, and once I told my doctor (who is out of state and has phone appointments with me- since no doctors would prescribe stimulants to me when I moved for school) that I failed classes she doubled my dosage. I am abusing for sure, I am scared of the withdrawals and unsure how to move forward.

 

Thank you for listening. I have never told anyone about my addiction.

I just quit 2 days ago. I'm in a very demanding Master's program and hope to apply to programs to get my PhD afterwards as well. This is definitely not the most opportune time to quit - it being close to the end of the semester and all - but is there ever really a good time to quit? In my experience, no, there's not. Plus, as a PhD student you probably have research throughout the summer too, right? Or classes/some kind of dissertation work? I'm right there with you - my program runs throughout the entire summer as well. 12 weeks long with only a couple weeks off at the end of August, if that.

 

I know EXACTLY what you mean with the whole memory thing - it's one of the reasons I quit. I was always the person people came to with questions - when is this due again? what did she say we had to do for this? Always the one on top of my game, organized, etc. This entire year in grad school I have been so forgetful. I immediately forget things that people say to me or somehow I don't even hear the instructions. Or maybe I hear them incorrectly? I'm really not sure. That's how muddled the adderall made my brain and memory. On one of my assignments last week I got a C instead of an A because I completely forgot to attach a chart that we needed. A chart that would have taken 30 seconds to attach. Was my research paper beautifully written? Of course it was. But there is absolutely no excuse for me to lose points on something like that because I either didn't hear the instructions or forgot them because I was too tweaked out on adderall.

 

This never happened to me in undergrad either. Maybe it's the larger doses like you said, or the fact that we weren't taking it as frequently when we first started using it in undergrad. It also stopped working for me like it has for you - why should we continue to let our grades suffer when it's clearly making us less productive? If you quit now we'll be in the same boat, as I am literally just 2 days in. It's no walk in the park, but it's doable and I can truly feel that in every essence of my body. I'm about to start an assignment right now - I won't love every second of it, but I'll have to deal with that. Also, you said "adderall is what got me here in the first place." Adderall didn't get you into your PhD program, no matter what you think. It doesn't make people smarter. Those programs are so competitive - if you were accepted that means your intelligence and work ethic are a part of your being and able to be accessed in other ways. You just need to find a way to channel it into your coursework in a healthier, more natural way. You can do this!