I can do this mantra..

[Newbury]

Hi,

I have just started the 30 day challenge and in an effort to not create long lengthy posts on that thread, I decided to create a little journal here for myself to keep motivated.

I am not turning back. I'm getting healthy and kicking the bad habit.

I miss the old me. The way she looked. The way her mind wandered. The swagger and glow I use to naturally exude. My sense of pride in my accomplishments. The steady flow of thoughts and natural bouts of energy. Feeling tired and realizing I had a long day and it was time to rest.

I just felt like a marching analytical zombie on adderall. I felt so capable yet I still couldn't harness all my energy and mental alertness on one important thing.

I'm not going to completely bash adderall though. Prior to having the prescription, I really had a hard time with my thought process. I felt so foggy like my mind was not working. But I think that's a normal part of life for some. And to artificially create a sense of focus and alertness is playing with fire. How long are you suppose to take a pill for that propels you out of bed? A whole lifetime? At some point you either have to quit or your life ends with you still medicating yourself. How awful would it be to be still using adderall when your old and gray and on deaths bed? I truly believe adderall has a purpose. I think it's great at clearing and focusing your mind so that you can build the right skill sets to be on par with your peers. For some people it's really easy to get it all done and to rise to the occasion of deadlines and tasks. I have always struggled with those types of things. While on adderall, though, I had that mental clarity that allowed me to go down my to do list and check off the items. I now know how to do that. Adderall isn't needed to get the job done. It was needed to bring my mind in focus so I could see how to operate like the rest of the world. And for that I thank adderall. But like a relationship that isn't serving you well anymore, I have to let it go so I can open myself up to the other positive things waiting for me that aren't going to happen if I stay on the adderall path.

I believe in my abilities off adderall. I'm committing to staying off of it for 30 days. At the end I'll reassess how my mind feels but right now this seems like the right thing to do. One day at a time. A place to vent and read about others experiences. I think I have all the right tools to do this!

[Perullo]

This is exactly the right attitude to have.  Welcome to the boards, and I wish you well.