Calling the Dr & shutting off your supply...

[Shambo]

I was reading through archives (AGAIN) and also reread my posts since my quit attempt in Nov 2013 (which failed). When I attempted a quit in April, I'd gotten the balls to call my dr office and tell the receptionist to tell my dr that I'd been abusing my meds. She told me to get my 2 remaining scripts and bring them to their office. I said ok but I didn't do it. I set fire to one script but kept the last one- it made me feel safe to have it and I thought I'd burn it a few days later- first mistake.

Of course I filled it. And the feeling I had walking into the pharmacy wasn't excitement- I felt numb. I wasn't jonesing. Life was going fine. It was like I was on auto pilot. I couldn't find a reason for getting the refill. But I didn't care. I recall the strong feeling of detachment... Mistake #2.

As the next appointment w my dr got closer, my addiction was focused on how I would explain the phone call in a way as not to get my meds taken away. It worked. But warning flags were raised and he wants to see me in 2 months instead of 3 & is pushing for me to lower my dose from 60 to 40..... Blah blah blah.

My whole point was to say-

If you are to the point of telling your dr about your abuse/addiction, in order to stop him from prescribing them to you anymore, DONT CALL- tell him face to face. I realized I can't leave any possibility for my addiction to scheme. Because I'm torturing myself by always having some sort of safety net in place.

I hope this speaks to someone and it helps you get out of this freaking cycle.

I gotta dust myself off and try again soon. Happy Monday guys!

[Zerokewl]

Good to hear from you AmyQ. It took me a long time to finally make up my mind to quit.  I was committing fraud getting multiple scripts from different doctors. Chasing scripts, going to doctor appointments and pharmacy. Its a lot less stress keepin all those lies straight in my head. Anyways keep talking to your doctor maybe he has some insight. 

[Cassie]

Sounds like you need to make the decision to never go to that doctor again if you want to quit. I told my doctor I was addicted to adderall and I was quitting and she still offered it to me (even suggested that I was 'dependent' not 'addicted', I shit you not). I think some doctors just don't want to believe they could be the cause of someone's addiction and they don't want to lose a consistent patient/cash flow, so in that case it's up to the patient to cut the cord. You can't trust the medical community to help you quit a pill they put on a pedestal.

[Zerokewl]

 You can't trust the medical community to help you quit a pill they put on a pedestal.

 

 

Truth in this statement.  Maybe its time for a new doctor or a different approach to your quit, 

[Greg]

AmyQ

follow ur own advice and tell him face to face so he really "gets it"... Can u do that? Please reply that u can and keep us updated.

[Shambo]

All 3 of you are right. I don't feel that my Dr would dismiss it if I was honest to his face. I spun quit the tale at my last appt and I'm sure he's on to me- hence why he wants me back in 2 months instead of 3 and tried pushing Straterra or prescribing 40mg of Addy instead of 60mg a day- I wasn't having that. I'm the obstacle. I'm the one dragging my ass and not following through. I was reading through my journals yesterday & stumbled upon 2 months in 2012 that I'd quit. It was like someone else had written it. I was fine, happy even. No depression or jonesing or tiredness mentioned at all. I didn't even mention that freaking pill until I casually relapsed. This whole situation makes me super frustrated with myself and living in near constant shame. Eventually the pain of using will be worse than the discomfort of quitting and I'll commit.

Btw, I am reading the book @perullo recommended, "Shut up, stop whining & get a life". Lol! It's a ball buster and I'm loving it. Thanks for your input as always.

[Zerokewl]

All 3 of you are right. I don't feel that my Dr would dismiss it if I was honest to his face. I spun quit the tale at my last appt and I'm sure he's on to me- hence why he wants me back in 2 months instead of 3 and tried pushing Straterra or prescribing 40mg of Addy instead of 60mg a day- I wasn't having that. I'm the obstacle. I'm the one dragging my ass and not following through. I was reading through my journals yesterday & stumbled upon 2 months in 2012 that I'd quit. It was like someone else had written it. I was fine, happy even. No depression or jonesing or tiredness mentioned at all. I didn't even mention that freaking pill until I casually relapsed. This whole situation makes me super frustrated with myself and living in near constant shame. Eventually the pain of using will be worse than the discomfort of quitting and I'll commit.

Btw, I am reading the book @perullo recommended, "Shut up, stop whining & get a life". Lol! It's a ball buster and I'm loving it. Thanks for your input as always.

 

I know I tried and failed a few times before I was able to quit for good.  Even though I've identified myself as an Adderall addict to my doctor I think if I really wanted some pills I could get them.  At the end of the day I choose stay clean because its the right decision for me.