GDTRFB Posted August 20, 2014 Report Share Posted August 20, 2014 I am so ashamed and I have no idea what to do. I have not told my significant other, yet. He will be so disappointed. We don't keep secrets from each other, but I don't know if telling him is the right thing to do... I was 160 plus days clean from adderall. Everything was looking up...everyone was proud of me. I was just starting to get back to being "my old self". It was a few days before my birthday and we were getting ready to go to my BDay dinner with his parents. I just wasn't feeling good that day, but I wanted his parents to see the new and improved ME. I just felt really crappy that day and before I even knew what I was doing...I looked in his top dresser drawer and found a bottle of 20 -15mg Adderall XR's. I took between 15 and 30 mgs a day for the next 6 days.....It was AWFUL. I feel so ashamed and so terrible for taking them. He hasn't realized that I stole 10 of his pills....and I am just a mess. There's still 10 pills left in that bottle just a few feet away from me. I'm not sure what to do. It's been 1 week today since my 6 day relapse and I feel like my whole world is falling apart. I love him so much and I am so ashamed of myself. I think I need to tell him about this.... Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Please help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted August 20, 2014 Report Share Posted August 20, 2014 Hey GTDRFB, I know it's tough to post relapses and I commend u for the courage. I would tell him, so he doesn't let be around your presence. What else can you do? You have dust yourself off and pick up where you left off. Tell him to keep it out of your site. Good luck, keep us posted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GDTRFB Posted August 20, 2014 Author Report Share Posted August 20, 2014 Thank you, InRecovery. I really appreciate your advice and support. I know that I need to tell him the truth and get the Adderall away from me. Is this going to be like starting from the beginning again with the depression, etc? Why would I do this to myself? So upset. I guess it's back to the 30 day challenger for me... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted August 20, 2014 Report Share Posted August 20, 2014 Just pick yourself back up asap. I was able to get 90 days clean with outpatient therapy and then I relasped for many years unfortunately. I lost more time and struggled more than i needed to struggle. So i dont know what its going to be like when you dust yourself off and pick yourself up - but maybe someone else can chime in. Definitely be sure to tell him. And keep being strong! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Zerokewl Posted August 22, 2014 Popular Post Report Share Posted August 22, 2014 I relapsed a number of times before this quit. I'm terrified of relapsing , I've been thinking about pills a lot lately and I don't know what I would do if I found one. I walk by my old Dr.Feelgoods office almost everyday (cant be avoided its close to house and on an important intersection). Every time I walk by I look in the window to see if the shady Doctor is working. Yesterday I saw him through the window. When I was using I had a few doctors prescribing and this Doctor would write a script for anything. All you can do is learn from the experience and apply it to your next quit. Don't look at starting all over again most people will use a "total clean time" number after a short relapse. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted August 23, 2014 Report Share Posted August 23, 2014 how is the quit going? Have you talked to him about it yet to keep it away from you? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeHereNow Posted August 24, 2014 Report Share Posted August 24, 2014 I would definitely tell him. I imagine he will mostly be concerned about you and your well-being! Relapse happens! Just press on and keep moving forwards. Don't let this set you back!!! I don't even believe you have to go back to zero-count at this point. It was a pretty small relapse. I don't really believe small relapses mean one has to go back to square one, like the A.A./N.A. model. To me, that undermines one's sense of progress in quitting. Plus you may have learned something from this small relapse-- like the fact that adderall makes you feel horrible!! You have still made a LOT of progress!!!! The key is not to let this lead you back into a full-fledged relapse (i.e. where you go back on it!) Now get back into that quitting flow and keep going!!!!!! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GDTRFB Posted August 27, 2014 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2014 Thank you, dear interweb friends! I listened to your advice and made the choice to forgive myself and get back into the quitting groove. I posted the following in the 30 day challenge: Day 14 (174 days this year w/out adderall) Thanks for asking Mila! Congrats on your 19 days and making it through work. You are doing amazing! I ended up coming clean to my BF right after I posted on here. He was very supportive and promptly locked up his meds. I felt so much better after coming clean and talking to him about my slip up. I made the choice NOT to dwell on my "relapse" or continue to punish myself with negative feelings. Instead, I identified the emotional "trigger" that lead to me taking the pills. With that being said, I have to report that I am still feeling irritable, tired and depressed. It is no where near as bad as the months that followed my initial quit....but I have to admit that those 6 days took a toll on my healing brain. I am not feeling half as good as I did pre-relapse 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted August 29, 2014 Report Share Posted August 29, 2014 Thank you, dear interweb friends! I listened to your advice and made the choice to forgive myself and get back into the quitting groove. I ended up coming clean to my BF right after I posted on here. He was very supportive and promptly locked up his meds. I felt so much better after coming clean and talking to him about my slip up. I made the choice NOT to dwell on my "relapse" or continue to punish myself with negative feelings. Instead, I identified the emotional "trigger" that lead to me taking the pills. I am not feeling half as good as I did pre-relapse I have nothing but praise and support for all of the above statements! You really do have a healthy attitude about this process, and make no mistake - quitting is a process as well as an event. Thank you for your honesty and sharing the details of your relapse and for exploring its causes from within. Reading relapse stories like yours and ZK's cig relapse are why I hang around here over three years post quit. I must have these constant reminders of the horrors, guilt and shame for returning to those two awful addictions (speed + cigs). Getting back into the quitting groove as soon as you did is a really good thing, GDTRFB. I am sure you will succeed! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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