Quitting of Adderall due to to Unique Symptoms

[Dalton]

Note: Mostly writing this if anyone has a similar experience. I know my is unique. I don't think many people get enophthalmia (extreme sunken eyes) from adderall. If you have, let me know by responding on this form considering it ruined my face, I would at least like an answer to wtf I did wrong.


M/27/14

Term: 2 years, ~5 days a week sometimes 6 days a week
Dosage: 20 mg IR
Diagnosed: ADHD

Possible Side Effects Experienced During and After: Autoimmune Disease resembling lupus/SLE, enophthalmia , Depression, Anxiety.

Other diagnosis possibly unrelated: Kyphosis, Lordosis, Long Thoracic Nerve Palsy, Degenerative Disc Disease throughout Thoracic Spine

Reason for quitting: Depression, Anxiety, refusing to up dosage, dependency.

 

Medications Prior to Adderall: Bupropion (3 weeks, quit due decreased cognitive function a.k.a feeling like being on NyQuil)
Concerta (3 days)

My story starts like anyone else introduction to adderall at a later age.

A friend gave me one of his 20 mg pill I took it to help with my studying because throughout my life I always had a problem with motivation and concentration. Now looking back on it, I was probably depressed, been depressed for a while after I dropped out of college at 21. At 25, I was clinging on to the hopes of just finishing classes without any sense of direction. 
 

After I took this single pill, I felt as though it opened up a whole new world for me. My perception of everything changed. I felt like a normal person, I could study, I could write, I have discipline, and I am finally happy! I can laugh again, it felt good to be a human being. It felt like I have been in the dark all this time but as soon as I took adderall I felt the warmth of the sun, energizing me, giving me hope for my own purpose once again. My anxiety just disappeared, my thought process quickened, and the euphoria was pretty awesome. I could actually start conversations and actually be charismatic! Holy shit! I never once in my life had that ability.

I had no idea medications did this. It improved  every aspect of my personality and mind without side effects?! (well, there as the crash, but to be expected form a stimulant. Caffeine has the same thing)

After this, I thought getting a prescription would be good. I knew when I went on a mission to get prescribed, I didn't have ADHD, I might have ADD/ sleep apenia/some other disorder, but I felt it would be easy just to waltz on in and say I have adhd. Less expensive too I was 25 at the time without health insurance or much money. They asked me some questions and bam! got some... Concerta? Err... okay.

Tried Concerta like lack luster results, I had energy and focus, but it was very erratic and unrefined. It felt like I was tweaking and it increased my anxiety 10X. I hated it. It felt like an introverted adderall, it helped some areas, but made others way worse. I couldn't afford to be like that.

 

I waited 3 days, went back, got adderall. Easy peisy lemon squeezy. Within a year, I got a new job, moved out into my own apt, was doing good in school again. Shit, every time I look back, I wish I just stopped after the first year, but how did I know that it would lead into such a disaster.

Second year, was losing it's effect. I got caught up in the cycle of being slightly depressed, but I didn't think it was the adderall. It happened after quitting smoking, so this has got be just a side effect. Kept blaming other things, vitamin deficiency, not enough sleep, diet.  Yet, it just kept getting worse and worse. I started not even bothering to leave the house on the weekend unless it was worth it. Anxiety raised again during this time, it contributed to me not going out to socialize anymore.

After a while, I started getting health problems, my eyes were sinking into the back of my head. My left shoulder was slumping forward more than my right. My friends and family said I looked sick and different (accused me of doing drugs). I withdrew from society even more and isolated myself. After that, I quit adderall hoping things would return to normal.

3 months later, now depression and anxiety are a constant thing now, I have trouble sleeping, trouble with classes, I thought of quitting my job more than once, doctor has diagnosed me with Lupis, long thoracic nerve palsy, degenerative disk disease and god knows what else.

My facial structure has changed, I look like I aged 20 years in 6 months time. People say I look 35 years +. I look like a rat now. My eyes are permanently sunken in and it makes me feel embarrassed to look people in the eyes. Lets just say I no longer get complimented on my looks. Whenever I look in the mirror I don't see the same person either. 

Things haven't changed much since I started. You still reach a dead-end, at least I am in a better situation financially, but not by much with all the medical bills though.

I sometimes wonder if Adderall expressed whatever disease/gene I was suffering from early, I seriously doubt it caused it, but probably triggered the gene expression sooner. I also think this is another reason why long term adderall users cannot last. After overclocking the system for so long, something just goes wrong. Adderall is the trigger, but your body would have expressed it sooner or later.

Shit sucks. But I now have my mind back. I feel calmer and like I am whole again. I no longer question my decisions. I have less anxiety than before and my depression has dulled. It's still there, but now I know for sure Adderall made it worse.

I am still isolated from society and I am not sure what to do.

I think I might just join the military truth be told. Navy sounds good, Air Force would have been better (too late about to turn 28). With School debts, medical bills, shitty economy, I have nothing to lose, all my friends are abandoned me and my family has done the same.

My motivation is crumbled yet again and I stand here wondering... wondering... being 27, the prime of my life, what is it that I should do?. After having the sense of drive so long, you kinda miss it. For now, I will take comfort in being sober again standing on my own two feet without any crutch, I may not walk any better, but at least I know I can try to run without having to carry it all the way through life.

Such is life and so it goes...

Edited October 10, 2014 by Dalton

[Dalton]

Just to make note, I never abused or even took more than 30 mg on any occasion. Well, I once took 40 mg, but it more felt like a high than actual focus and concentration. So this is the thing that pisses me off the most about this medication is that I never abused it in any way!

That includes never snorting it or crushing up the pills, etc!

It's even worse that my family has no medical history of such an illnesses I am experiencing either.

[Brandy76]

I understand the facial structure change thing.  My lower jaw area/lower cheek area is so hollow that if I'm not all dolled up I look like a crackhead

 

With the eyes, I've noticed the skin underneath has gotten darker, i guess from lack of sleep

 

I've heard it does age you physically with more wrinkles or getting acne, but for me I became addicted to getting facial fillers to combat some of that.  So now when people comment how great I look, of course that makes my mind say "see the adderal IS good for you"....I know sickk.

 

I'll be following along your journey. It will be interesting to see if you make the job switch to the military; as that's such a drastic change

[Brandy76]

Just to make note, I never abused or even took more than 30 mg on any occasion. Well, I once took 40 mg, but it more felt like a high than actual focus and concentration. So this is the thing that pisses me off the most about this medication is that I never abused it in any way!

That includes never snorting it or crushing up the pills, etc!

It's even worse that my family has no medical history of such an illnesses I am experiencing either.

 

I'm no expert, but if you really don't have ADD/ADHD it reacts ike meth.  Giving those horrible negative meth type side effects. 

[Dalton]

I'm no expert, but if you really don't have ADD/ADHD it reacts ike meth.  Giving those horrible negative meth type side effects. 

I am also an adult at the age of 25, which there have been substantially less studies for. I think it reacts differently when your brain is mostly developed but make no mistake, I didn't take it to be tweaking, just to be more discipline about myself. It worked for all aspects in regards for that.

[Cassie]

You're only 3 months sober so hopefully some of those adderall induced side effects will recede with time. I waited a year+ before making any major life changes (job change, adopting a pet) and I'm really glad I had the foresight to wait. Also, I believe you can't join the military if you've used stimulants within the past year (unless you lie of course) or if you have certain health issues. My point is, consider waiting a while before making any major life decisions like joining the military.

Many of us were not abusers either, yet still were very addicted from daily use of stimulant drugs. You learned to be emotionally attached to adderall and unlearning that takes time.

[Dalton]

You're only 3 months sober so hopefully some of those adderall induced side effects will recede with time. I waited a year+ before making any major life changes (job change, adopting a pet) and I'm really glad I had the foresight to wait. Also, I believe you can't join the military if you've used stimulants within the past year (unless you lie of course) or if you have certain health issues. My point is, consider waiting a while before making any major life decisions like joining the military.

Many of us were not abusers either, yet still were very addicted from daily use of stimulant drugs. You learned to be emotionally attached to adderall and unlearning that takes time.

For some reason I experienced very little withdraw effects when I went off, considering at the time my chronic illness was just making me feel like shit either way.

In addition, my body adapted to the dosage I was giving myself, so the effects were minor and more of an echo of what they use to be. It isn't hard to quit something when you know it isn't helping you anymore. Though I poured the rest of the bottle out and tore up the rest of my scripts just in case.