New Addict to Adderall & Xanax - Need Feedback

[ericpark17]

Hi all,

 

Just wanting some feedback on my horrible adderall + xanax story.

 

I'm a full-time student and work full-time at a commercial real estate financing company and obviously you can tell my life is ridiculously busy. I just started adderall and xanax on 11/06/14 however previously I've done adderall before but it never got this bad. This is the longest "binge" I've ever done and I documented it just so I can see how bad its getting:

 

11/24/14 - 60mg - 1mg xanax

11/23/14-.5mg xanax

11/22/14- 0mg

11/21/14 - 30MG - 1MG

11/20/14 - 15MG - 2MG

11/19/14 - 45MG - 2.5MG

11/18/14 - 30MG - 1.5MG

11/17/14 - 30MG - 1MG

11/16/14 - 0mg

11/15/14 - 0mg

11/14/14 - 60 mg - 1mg

11/13/14 - 60mg - 1mg

11/12/14 - 15mg - 1mg 

11/11/14 - 0mg

11/10/14 - 45 mg - 1mg

11/9/14 - 30mg - 1mg

11/8/14 - 1mg Xanax

11/6/14 - 45mg - 1mg

 

As you can see, the first MG is adderall IR and the 2nd is the xanax. 

 

Obviously I've been taking way too much. My tolerance for anything is ridiculous and goes up really fast. The days I didn't take anything (if you notice, weekends because when i'm off, I literally can't do anything) was extreme fatigue to the point where my brain is so foggy I can barely drive. I plan to end this bullsh*t this week as I have a 5day vacation.

 

Before I do, can anybody answer the questions below: 

 

-What are the dangers of quitting cold turkey of adderall & xanax according to how much I've used?

-What are some good supplements for my adderall/xanax withdrawal combination?

-I know Adderall itself is bad, but how much worse am I physically/mentally fc*king up my brain by doing both Adderall & Xanax at the same time. 

-Should I taper off? I heard quitting xanax cold turkey is dangerous 

 

Please keep in mind, the days I take adderall I LITERALLY don't eat. All I consume is a protein shake from 7-Eleven, and during the weekends I binge eat.... 

 

My planned supps for withdrawal - Please confirm if it is ok

-1000MG of L-Tyrosine/day

-2500mcg B-12

-200mg 5HTP

 

This adderall + xanax is making me go crazy when I'm off it.. I need serious help. Its sad because I cannot stand adderall comedowns so I end up taking xanax at night to sleep or even to just stay awake. Its impossible to wake up in the morning if I don't have any adderall on hand... I know this is nothing compared to people who have been on adderall for years but if you see above.. I'm not taking "normal" doses.. in addition, I'm also taking xanax which doubles the amount of how fcked up my brain is gettting.

Apologies for the long post... any help/tips would be greatly appreciated. I need to stop this now before my life officially derails. 

 

Many thanks,  

 

 

[Brandy76]

You sound just like me except I've been on that roller coaster for 2 years.  I work a corporate job also.  I'm on 30mg IR twice a day plus 1mg xanax at night.  Some days the adderall goes to 75mg for the day

 

On the weekends I take breaks from everything and I literally stay in bed an eat pizza.  I have no desire to do anything unless I'm medicated.  I defintiely can't have a productive day at work without adderall to get me going.  Otherwise I'm so depressed I can't even fake be happy with my co workers and everything seems like such a chore.

 

My xanax tolerance has gotten so high that just recently I went through a 30 day supply (1mg) in 14 days.  I too was worried about the xanax withdrawal which can be dangerous, but nothing happened, except for me being even more miserable during my adderall comedowns without xanax to smooth the ride.

 

Suprisingly without the Xanax (which has been two weeks) just the adderall I'm able to crash once I'm home at night.  But I just feel overwhelmingly miserable.  At least with the xanax I felt a little happy.

 

What's worse is I'm also on wellbutrin but it seems to make me more depressed when it wears off? but that's a whole other issue

[ericpark17]

You sound just like me except I've been on that roller coaster for 2 years.  I work a corporate job also.  I'm on 30mg IR twice a day plus 1mg xanax at night.  Some days the adderall goes to 75mg for the day

 

On the weekends I take breaks from everything and I literally stay in bed an eat pizza.  I have no desire to do anything unless I'm medicated.  I defintiely can't have a productive day at work without adderall to get me going.  Otherwise I'm so depressed I can't even fake be happy with my co workers and everything seems like such a chore.

 

My xanax tolerance has gotten so high that just recently I went through a 30 day supply (1mg) in 14 days.  I too was worried about the xanax withdrawal which can be dangerous, but nothing happened, except for me being even more miserable during my adderall comedowns without xanax to smooth the ride.

 

Suprisingly without the Xanax (which has been two weeks) just the adderall I'm able to crash once I'm home at night.  But I just feel overwhelmingly miserable.  At least with the xanax I felt a little happy.

 

What's worse is I'm also on wellbutrin but it seems to make me more depressed when it wears off? but that's a whole other issue

 

Hi Brandy,

 

First of all, thanks for your reply. I feel like I'm not alone anymore. Considering none of my close friends have my lifestyle & current addictions I couldn't really relate to anybody. 

 

Not surprised to see that you're on adderall for a corporate job... in my field there can be NO mistakes & finishing multiple task & projects in a extremely fast turnaround time is a must at my company. I'm slowly working my way into becoming a business development officer(Sales for financing, basically a financing broker) and what scares me the most is I've been using adderall to land deals & be extremely energetic so that the clients like my positive attitude.. I feel like I won't be able to go to any networking events without adderall so my plan is to quit now. 

 

I pretty much work/school Monday-Friday and stay at home like a miserable zombie during the weekends... its extremely depressing because I reject all sorts of offers to go out during the weekend only to satisfy my job requirements and school work.. 

 

I've abused adderall in the past before but was never exposed to xanax before so the withdrawal wasn't that scary AND I never took this much in 1 month... Maybe 1 binge weekend per month and thats it. Now I'm taking daily... IN addition to the xanax.... Which I heard xanax is the WORST drug to withdraw from... I'm not sure how I'm going to do this but did you take any supps to counter the xanax withdrawal(since you've been clean from xanax for 2 weeks after doing for 2 years..) 

What is Wellbutrin? 

 

Also, wow you really do take a huge amount of adderall.. 30MG ir twice a day! Yesterday I did 60mg adderall and 1.5MG xanax and something extremely odd happened.. I couldn't fall asleep even with 1.5MG OF XANAX!? WTF? So I had to take 45mg adderall today and took 1mg xanax and I need to go to school now.... This is not good :| probably going to fall asleep in class. 

 

Do you have any plans to try and quit? I'm only couple months in and extremely scared for my life in the future....

I don't if i'm allowed to say this.. but I don't have scripts.. so I have no doctor observing my health.. Not sure if I even have adhd either... should I go see the doctor? and please let me know if what I wrote needs to be deleted asap.. don't people usually say "swim" or something?

 

thanks, 

[Brandy76]

This is a very supportive board and you can discuss anything you're going through whether you quit, or trying to quit.  I don't think you can use swim though.

 

haha your social life sounds just like mine.  And like you said the energetic way addy makes you act for your clients really makes you rely on it more. 

 

I work a lot fitness conventions (in addition to my corp job) where I have to be addy'd up to be the bubbly sales pitch girl.  Sometimes just thinking about having to take that to be like that has made me start declining things because just thinking about what I have to put my body through to get thru social events is exhausting.

 

I'm on the generic xanax and I swear i don't think it's as strong as the name brand.  I'm perscribed 1mg at night.  Lately I definitely have to take 1.5 and sometimes 2mg to fall asleep.  It sucks.  My doc tried me on Klonopin instead of Xanax and I hated it.  It makes you tired, but like "drunk" tired not a mellow feeling tired.  I would stumble while on it - my body just couldn't tolerate Klonopin.

 

Your job sounds very stressfull and with adderall sometimes the focus still makes you not focus on the right things and you become scatterbrained

 

I never take the adderall with the xanax as they're opposite drugs (upper and downer)  I only take the xanax when it's night & i'm done with working/gym and I have nothing to do and no one to talk to.  So it helps that loneliness not be too bad

 

I think xanax is only bad to come off of if you're using high amounts, like really abusing it.  Not having it for that time sucked because I couldn't feel that happiness at night, but I was still able to sleep & function. I had no withdrawal symptoms.

 

Wellbutrin is for depression but not like the prozac types. It affects the dopamine levels instead of the seratonin so it's meant for the people who always feel tired, sluggish, and it's also used to help people quit smoking I think.  When I've run out of my addy, having the wellbutrin helps a little because it does give you energy, just not that rush type of energy that addy gives.

 

I do want to quit, but I'm so vain I like the weight loss part, even though it's leveled out now meaning I can eat like normal but it just burns so much calories naturally.  On the flip side since I've been on it I can't keep or start any type of relationship, like i'm either to intense or too detached.  I've forgotten how to think about others and ask questions, be concerned....all things that you need to do to start a relationship lol

[hyper_critical]

Pushing to the limit during the week then binge eating from bed on the weekend. I've been there.

 

It's insane how reasonable that seemed while I was living it.

 

Life is so much better on the other side. 

 

GL