feeling like a failure

[dangerbean]

This year has been rough on me--even prior to quitting adderall.  I think it was rough because it was really the year when it became painfully clear i could no longer rely on "mommies little helpers" to be productive.  Well..(i am self employed)...i went through my books, catching up on some stuff today.  Financially, this year was horrible for me.  I grossed about half of what I did last year, and netted less than I ever have as a full time real world adult job person.  I feel like a failure.  it's only my second full year owning a business, but I didn't expect to do so much worse.  I just took all this time off because i felt anxiety and depression--basically any time i was not pumped up on 3x my normal dose of adderall i woudln't go near work.  and this is the result.  

 

I guess i just need some support right now.  someone to tell me that what i'm doing in becoming sober is more important than the bottom line right now.  i'm not about to be homeless or starving (thanks to the fact that i live wiht my parents in order to pay off some debt more aggressively)...but i was hoping to be in a better spot by now.  i hate to have to push that goal back further.  i want to move on with my life so badly and a couple thousand dollars feel like they may as well be a couple hundred thousand right now.

 

 

i just want to go for the adderall....burn through for another six months at maximum productivity and sort everything out later once i have some cash in my pocket.  on the other hand, maybe it's better to get sober while im in a safety net so to speak....

 

i just need soem encouragement that this will get easier.  i hate my life so much right now.  everything is so hard to do.  although i dont feel physically exhausted anymore, i just feel clumsy in all respects. 

 

thank you all for the support and encouragement.