My Addy Story - Help Wanted

[IFIHADKNOWN]

Hi:

 

Since quitting Adderall cold turkey about 3.5 months ago, this forum has been the best source of information I have found.  Thank-you to everyone for sharing your experiences for others to learn from.  In that same spirit, here is my story and where I am at right now:

 

I am a professional in my mid-40's.  About 8 years ago I was prescribed 10 mg (which I am told is a child size dose) of Prozac to help me with stress and intrusive catastrophic thoughts.  The Prozac worked very well but had one side effect (it would make me yawn uncontrollably).  With my doctor, we tried other alternatives but Prozac was the best.  

 

At one of my visits about two years ago, I complained to the doctor about the Prozac related yawning during my very busy work days. At that visit, he prescribed 10 mg tablets of Adderall for me to be taken 3 times a day.  I had never heard of Adderall before that day.  Nothing was said to me about any long-term negative impacts related to Adderall - simply "it should relieve the yawning and help my focus".

 

At first, Adderall was bliss.  My productivity went through the roof and I had a terrific sense of self-being.  It wasn't long into the process that long days at work would require me to take 3 instead of the prescribed 4 pills on occasion.  This frequently would cause me to fall two to three days short on supply at the end of the month.  Without the Adderall, I could not even get out of bed.  This was when I first realized the dangers of this drug.  In fact, one weekend I slept right through the wedding of one of my best friends (haunts me to this day).

 

After about a year, my doctor increased the dosage to 15 mg three times a day.  At 10 mg the drug was starting to lose its effectiveness.   I continued to have the same problem over the next 10 months of continually falling about 2 to 3 days short per month (constant sleep days) and I was starting to become more agitated all month long.

 

After about 22 months on Adderall I made the decision to go cold turkey.  My doctor warned me to wein off the drug (which I really should have) but I was too stubborn.  My doctor suggested that I admit myself into a local hospital to be monitored for depression for the first 3 days.  I took his advice - which turned out to be both good and bad.  

 

On the good side - during those three days I met a number of people with medication problems and learned that each person has to be their own medication advocate.  In other words, it is ok to tell the doctors "no" when they attempt to prescribe medication.  In the hospital, the doctor was concerned about my post Adderall crash and wanted to prescribe a pill to help with mood disorder (I was not even sure what the medication was).  I turned him down as I did not feel I needed it.

 

On the bad side - my time in the hospital made my private situation very public.  The doctor required me to take a short-term disability leave of at least one-month from my job (thus, I had to tell my employer, colleagues, clients and friends).  In a way, it was good because I did not need to keep my upcoming "hell" a secret.  That said, my work and friends think I am all better now - and clearly I am far from it.

 

The first month after quitting I was functional but tired (first 3 days were all sleep).  The second and third month the fatigue really set in.  I went back to work after 45 days and every day has been a major challenge ever since (just to get out of bed).  I am at 3.5 months without the Adderall now and I am having an easier time getting going each day - but my motivation level is still at about 40%.  As of now, I do not crave Adderall at all.

 

Outside of the hospital, I got a new doctor who prescribed Wellbutrin for me.  I took it for a month but it was clearly just adding to my tirednes - so I stopped taking it.  This was a bummer as I understand that drug has helped a great number of people.

 

For the past two-months I have found St. John's Wort and Sam-E to help prevent depression (fyi - I ended Prozac when I entered the hospital).  I increased all the Alpha vitamins (B's, C, E) and I take 100 MG caffeine pills about 3 to 4 times a day for energy.  I have tried working out (which clearly helps my energy level the most) but struggle to find time with my busy day.  

 

For those members who have been off Adderall for six-months plus, I have some questions I am really interested in your opinions/advice regarding:

 

1)  What do you think I should expect over the next couple of months regarding my energy and motivation?  How might I feel at the six-month and one-year mark?  

 

2)  Has anyone ever fully recovered from taking Adderall?

 

3)  Any suggestions regarding supplements or ideas to help with energy and motivation in the short run?

 

Since I was on Adderall for less than two-years, I am hoping that my recovery time may be a bit shorter.  That said, I am prepared for the possibility that recovery may take two or more years.  My wife is great (so no concern there) - but if I had to quit my job due to lack of energy in order to recover, I would do it.  This experience has really helped me realize how important it is to put my health first.  

 

I appologize for the long thread. I just wanted to get all the facts out there for my benefit and the benefit of others in similar situations.  Thanks for reading and I am really looking forward to any guidance or suggestions!

 

"If I had only known".

[dangerbean]

I cannot really answer your questions as I've only been clean for about three months myself--although I did have a period where I quit adderall for over a year--but that was a long time ago.  Anyway, I wanted to commend you on being brave and being honest with your family and work.  I know that cannot have been easy.  I work in a profession where there is a huge stigma attached to dependency, and I wish I had your bravery to be honest with my clients and colleagues about what I am going through.  Instead, i am just trying to fudge my way through it.  Hang in there though!

[quit-once]

 

1)  What do you think I should expect over the next couple of months regarding my energy and motivation?  How might I feel at the six-month and one-year mark?  

 

2)  Has anyone ever fully recovered from taking Adderall?

 

3)  Any suggestions regarding supplements or ideas to help with energy and motivation in the short run?

 

Since I was on Adderall for less than two-years, I am hoping that my recovery time may be a bit shorter.  That said, I am prepared for the possibility that recovery may take two or more years.  My wife is great (so no concern there) - but if I had to quit my job due to lack of energy in order to recover, I would do it.  This experience has really helped me realize how important it is to put my health first.  

 

I admire your resolve to make your Quit work.  Failure is not an option.  I saw a quote from one of our wise members that helped me to understand the scope of recovery.  He said that essentially recovery is a function of three things: 1) how much you took (dosage) 2) how long you used it  3) your age.  Compared to many of us, your dosage was relatively moderate and the length of time you used it was reasonably short.  In my case, I used it for nine years @100-150 mg per day at the end of my addiction.  I was in my late 40's when I quit.  Knowing what to expect from recovery really helped me get through it. 

 

My timeline of recovery looked something like this:  0-10 weeks- little or no energy / motivation, bouts of depression, and poor mental performance and weight gain.  Hunger and boredom, balanced by an incredible sense of new found freedom.  At  3-9 months more of the same but it gradually got better with more good days than bad days.  9 months to 1 year - my energy gradually returned. 1-2 years - my motivation slowly came back.   Mental clarity finally returned during my third year of recovery.  Keep in mind that recovery is NOT a linear process and there will be periods of time when you just don't keep moving forward.  I suggest you do a little research on PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome).  Everybody recovers at a different rate.

 

Regarding your three questions:

#1 - I just tried to answer it above

#2 - I think everybody can fully recover from this awful addiction as long as they remain 100% abstinent and don't pick up another addiction during or after their recovery.  In my case, I had a trifecta of addictions I had to shed: Adderall, nicotine, and sugar.  I think they were all interfucked with each other and to quit one I had to quit them all.  Frankly, I feel 100 % recovered and I have never felt healthier and more mentally stable in my entire life.  My mind (memory) is not as sharp as it used to be but I will never know if that is a result of the addiction or simply a by-product of middle age.

#3 - The supplements that worked for me were L-Tyrosine for combating depression, fish oil for memory, and Lions Mane Mushroom supplement for mental clarity.  I was vitamin D deficient so I took that for about a year in addition to a multivitamin.  I currently don't take anything on a regular basis.  Caffeine pills, 5 hour energy, vitamin B-12 sublingual tabs, coffee, redbull and any other non-drug stimulant are all fair game for an energy boost when you need it.  Regarding motivation, I never did find a replacement for the quick fix of an Adderall pill, and unfortunately, motivation was the last thing to return in my recovery process. 

 

Good luck with your recovery program - you certainly have the right attitude to make it work.

[IFIHADKNOWN]

Hi Dangerbean and Quit-once.  Thank you very much for your posts!  I greatly appreciate you taking the time to share your comments and insight with me.  It truly is a tremedous help!  It is also nice to know that you are not alone (which is why this forum is so helpful).

 

Thank you again for the sage advice!