starting to get addicted and don't know how to stop

[sinkinnggggg]

This is probably a very generic story, so I'm gonna dive right in. I'm 20 years old and I was diagnosed ADHD when I was in 1st grade (Looking back I realize I was probably just being a kid). And was on various doses of adderall/concerta/you name it until I turned 18, when I came off of everything because I wanted to see how I felt. All was really good. For about 5 months. And then I began to notice an extreme lack of brain activity that was once normal. I didn't want to read anymore, or write. I didn't want to go out with friends or interact with anyone but my boyfriend. My self confidence was gone and I noticed I wasn't as articulate and active in conversation as I used to be.

After 6 months off the adderrall I got a job in retail and I was proud of myself being able to do it without the help of any medications. But now (7 months later), I went to my doctor and asked her to rewrite my perscription. She gave me 40 mg fast acting twice a day.

I feel confident, I'm talkative and I can speak fluently again. I actually don't mind being at work, i'm friendly with customers and I get so much done my boss who always bitches at me has been complimenting me on my hard work.i've been hanging out with friends a lot more and even making new ones because I've been so outgoing, people have actually wanted to talk to me. I took 40mg for a couple weeks. After the few weeks of taking 40mg I took another half on top of the 40mg because of and it wasn't giving me the same effect and I didn't sleep a wink until about 8 am and even then I only slept a few hours. When I woke up my whole body ached. My teeth were sore, my tongue and cheeks were all chewed up. I didn't take another until about 4 pm that day and it just made me tired. So now we're at today. I took 80mg after my initial 40 did nothing. And now I'm scared that tomorrow I'm going to have to take that much again and it's going to leave me short.

Basically, I'm terrified that it makes me feel this good about myself. I'm who I was my whole life again, but if I keep taking it this way it's going to destroy me and I know it. But I don't want to lose this ambition and focus and drive that I have back. I already know how I am off of it, and it's horrible. I'm scared and I don't know what to do and I just needed to tell someone about this. Sorry if it's kinda jumbled and not clear, I'm still wide awake at 2 am after getting 4 hours of sleep last night, so bear with me.

[Zerokewl]

Welcome to the board!   Your symptoms after 6 month of quitting sound like depression. Which i pretty common in the first year. Check out the articles on this site.   Welcome you've found a good group of people to help you sort this out.