Clean for 9 years

[pgriffin4202]

This is an amazing website, I knew there were more like us somewhere. Adderall came close to

ending my life. When I started taking Adderall I was a clinical nurse for a pediatric cardiac

surgeon and newly divorced single mother working 12 hours a day. It was my way of coping

and doing what I needed to do to survive. Unfortunately I had access to a signed prescription

pad and to make a long story short I wrote and had filled 197 prescriptions over7 years before

being caught. I wrote the last one September 6, 2007 and have been clean ever since. It hasn't

been easy. Not staying clean as much as living with the consequences. I was the last person

you would think about abusing drugs. High school cheerleader, homecoming court to

graduating my university magna cum laude. I worked in Cardiovascular Intensive Care 10 years

and then worked for Cardiac Surgeons as their nurse. My son was diagnosed ADD in 1st grade

and told me he didn't want to take his Medicine that I tried it for the first time. I wanted to know

what it was he didn't like. The 1st one I took made me feel like what I had always thought

normal people felt like. I struggled with major depression and anxiety my whole life and it

alleviated that with the first dose. Five years later I was taking 180mgs 3-4 times a day. It's

been 8 years and even though I was able to have my criminal record expunged and, get my

Nursing license back without disciplinary action, I feel as though I threw my life away. I make it

day to day in a very mundane office job that thank God gave me the chance to work again and

meet the requirements of the board of nursing, I am board to tears. When I was able to seek

employment again without restrictions and a clean criminal record, my history was always

retrievable some where on the Internet and kept me from getting another job. I am thankful

for having another chance at life, I can't help but feel I deserve what ever comes my way.

Regrets and shame serve no purpose, but for me they are always there no matter how much

therapy I have.

[Traceme]

That is an EPIC time to be off this miserable drug-and I commend you for it.  Try to let some of that shame and guilt go honey.  It will not serve you.  You just helped countless others with your post-and the future is bright and it's where you will find your peace.  You will find an employer someday that will look past mistakes and see the person.  You have enough back round in nursing to get a job at a drug rehab center-maybe you can help another person face and conquer their addiction with the help of your experience. Keep it up and thank you for posting your story.