My HATE letter to your addiction

[Traceme]

To Whom It May Consume,

 

I hate you.  It's not a nice feeling.  If I don't get this off my chest, it may kill me. I need to hate YOU addiction-so take it personally.  I can't continue to try to hate someone I love because of what you are and what you have done.  I need to redirect this feeling of darkness and sadness and you don't seem to discriminate or have the slightest conscience about your effect on humans-so now I am going to hate you...with a bullet.

 

I hate that I didn't know enough about you to deal with you properly in the beginning.  

 

I hate you for infiltrating my love's brain and body because you made yourself appear easier than dealing with tough emotions that sometimes overwhelm people in a way that they become desperate for you in a way that even they don't understand.

 

I hate you for making my love make decisions that trick him into thinking that he is an all knowing king of the universe and master of his vessel.

 

I hate you for giving him that vein on the side of his head that makes him appear as though he is going to stroke out at any second.

 

I hate that you made me watch him while he slept so I was prepared to call 911 if necessary.

 

I hate that I would take his pulse throughout the night so I could monitor when his heart stopped finally racing.

 

I hate that you make him paranoid.  So paranoid that reality is just a game we once played.  

 

I hate that you made him think that I would ever be unfaithful.

 

I hate that you made me scared to talk to him.  Scared of his reactions.  Scared of his actions.

 

I hate you for making him lazy and entitled.

 

I hate you for making him think it's okay to constantly ask people for money.

 

I hate you for being emotionally and physically abused.

 

I hate you for making his brother tell him anything he wants to hear to make him think everything is okay and everyone else is crazy-because he is a slave to you too.

 

I hate you for making him turn his entire family into strangers I once knew.

 

I hate you for making his family and me go through something so senseless and tragic...to the point where you don't know up from down because you have to mourn someone who is still alive.

 

I hate you for being so deceptive.

 

I hate you for his family choosing to keep their kids safe by not letting them be alone with you like you wanted...and I hate you for watching his heart break over that decision because he truly doesn't understand why.

 

I hate you for tricking him into thinking he is in recovery because he no longer drinks...because you said a prescription from a doctor is okay...when it most certainly is not okay you lying asshole.

 

I hate you because I could not defeat you for him.

 

I hate that there could only be one of us in our relationship-and he choose you.  He unbelievably and inexplicably choose you.

 

I hate you because I feel desperate and alone.

 

I hate you because you don't discriminate against anyone.

 

I hate you because I love someone who still keeps you close but in denial that you really are a problem so you are someone he once knew...or so he thinks.

 

I hate you because he can't hate you right now.  Maybe someday you'll just be something we once knew-and you can be something that we can learn and grow from...but that time is not now.  I don't even see a time like that in the near future.  I hate that I even have to say that but you hate honesty-and that is just an honest opinion of where I think I am at with you.

 

So if I am Frodo...and you are the ring-I will spend the rest of my days trudging forward-so I can return you to where you came from-Hell.

 

Fuck you and the horse of many colors that you ride in on,

 

Trace

 

 

 

 

 

 

[LILTEX41]

So sorry to hear your pain right now Traceme.  Praying things gets better.  Thank you for sharing.  It's hard watching someone you love be so sick.  I guess all you can do is pray for him.  

 

All the best.

 

<3 LT

[dadof3finallyfree]

Heres a couple of bad ass jams from the band rehab that I use to send my ex... pretty sure the first is about Adderall...listen to the first and pay attention to the lyrics around minute 3:32...Wasting my time with you!!!

 

then listen to the second vid and laugh like your the one walking away from the explosion at the end!  Not making light of your hurt at all by any means I know its there but once you know you can walk away with the promise of a better life everyday gets easier ten fold!  And Traceme your not alone!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvTwBk82_Ws

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdEvL6jxUYA