Popular Post Motivation_Follows_Action Posted May 1, 2017 Popular Post Report Share Posted May 1, 2017 I can't believe I remembered my password, when I forgot so much about my life. I was an avid poster to this site, so much so I was granted admin rights... this is about 3 years ago, so hello old friends For those whom I don't know, I quit Adderall many times, and thought I had it beat, but went on year long bender when my husband and I broke up and I lost everything. While I can't say I think adderall is solely to blame, I do know that I behaved like a total meth-head towards the end, my behavior was totally out of control. I was taking around 120mg/day, not sleeping, eating, drinking water, nothing. I would walk home from a bar in midtown at 4am in 3 inch heels just for the "fun" of it. I lived near wall street. I eventually got fired from every job, lost all my money, and returned to my hometown to live with my mother. As a woman in her early 40s that was not easy. I got a job eventually and I've gained 30lbs, but that dark period of my life from 2011-2015 was so confused by my adderall binges that I am just getting over the ptsd of what I did to myself. Anyway for everyone on here who tried to reach out, I'm sorry. All I can say is that I still get cravings for adderall and I am working on rebuilding my life. I am happy for family, and for self forgiveness. Stay strong, friends. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hyper_critical Posted May 1, 2017 Report Share Posted May 1, 2017 Omg you helped me SO much in my early days. Welcome back! I'm glad you're alive and kicking. There's a lot of hope going around the forums these days. I hear the secret is motivation follows action, or something like that... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Speeder906 Posted May 2, 2017 Report Share Posted May 2, 2017 What were the steps in between those binges of 120mg a day to where you are now, if I may ask? I just ask because I am kind of in that same rut right now of binging and meth-head-eske behavior to some degree. I'm also averaging about 120mg a day (sometimes more) and was just wondering what you did right after your "dark period"? Did you tell your doctor? go to rehab? Just to read that those binges were someone else's dark period really hit me (especially the part about referring to the aftermath of adderall binges as ptsd) because that's kinda where I am at this very moment. I'm trying to taper down as best as I can but ya know as an addict that doesn't pan out all the time. thank you and i am happy to see you've started to rebuild your life, that's actually inspirational to me. Congrats on all your progress! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted May 2, 2017 Report Share Posted May 2, 2017 Hey hey, MFA! Welcome back. We've missed you around here. Sorry to hear of all the struggles since you left, but it sounds like you are in a better place now and back on track. The good thing for you, is that you really do know how to quit and stay off the shit for the long term and that is huge. It looks like your administrator rights have stood the test of time. We haven't been plagued by spam hardly at all since the IPS upgrade last fall. Looking forward to hearing from you again. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spirit76 Posted May 6, 2017 Report Share Posted May 6, 2017 I followed your posts many years ago and they inspired me to quit. Life will rebuild and happy you are back. I did the same thing and am still doing the same thing. I pray for your strength. Thank you for sharing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted October 15, 2019 Author Report Share Posted October 15, 2019 On 02/05/2017 at 3:05 PM, Speeder906 said: What were the steps in between those binges of 120mg a day to where you are now, if I may ask? I just ask because I am kind of in that same rut right now of binging and meth-head-eske behavior to some degree. I'm also averaging about 120mg a day (sometimes more) and was just wondering what you did right after your "dark period"? Did you tell your doctor? go to rehab? Just to read that those binges were someone else's dark period really hit me (especially the part about referring to the aftermath of adderall binges as ptsd) because that's kinda where I am at this very moment. I'm trying to taper down as best as I can but ya know as an addict that doesn't pan out all the time. thank you and i am happy to see you've started to rebuild your life, that's actually inspirational to me. Congrats on all your progress! This post was 2.5 years ago so I doubt the poster will still be wondering. But I'll answer in case anyone is interested. I got to the stage where I was doing insane things, having moments of psychosis etc. In my clean hours, I knew this was unsustainable.It just so happened that I'd had a horrific binge while traveling to SFO (another crazy drug story) and scared myself straight. i jumped on a plane and went back to Australia, with only a suitcase and a bottle of pills. I gave the pills to my mother. She threw them away. For me that was literally the only way I could quit. I have recently learned that Adderall is now available in Australia (it may always have been but I never went to ask) and I admit sometimes I have been tempted to get it. But two things have happened: 1) doctors here are more responsible than in the USA and don't just prescribe it in the first appointment, it would take a lot of lies and I'm not that kind of person any more; and 2) If I get psychotic again I don't think I can make it. I hope you don't get to read this, Speeder. Not because I don't care about you but because I hope you're clean. What a horrible drug Adderall is. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Speeder906 Posted November 15, 2019 Report Share Posted November 15, 2019 On 10/15/2019 at 5:37 AM, Motivation_Follows_Action said: This post was 2.5 years ago so I doubt the poster will still be wondering. But I'll answer in case anyone is interested. I got to the stage where I was doing insane things, having moments of psychosis etc. In my clean hours, I knew this was unsustainable.It just so happened that I'd had a horrific binge while traveling to SFO (another crazy drug story) and scared myself straight. i jumped on a plane and went back to Australia, with only a suitcase and a bottle of pills. I gave the pills to my mother. She threw them away. For me that was literally the only way I could quit. I have recently learned that Adderall is now available in Australia (it may always have been but I never went to ask) and I admit sometimes I have been tempted to get it. But two things have happened: 1) doctors here are more responsible than in the USA and don't just prescribe it in the first appointment, it would take a lot of lies and I'm not that kind of person any more; and 2) If I get psychotic again I don't think I can make it. I hope you don't get to read this, Speeder. Not because I don't care about you but because I hope you're clean. What a horrible drug Adderall is. Oh man.. reading what I wrote makes me cringe and feel bad for my old self. Doesn't even seem like something I would write at this point. I'm roughly a year and a half off adderall. Life is GOOD man. Came online to actually maybe make a post about how things have been going because I feel so good lately. Thanks for the reply anyways 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted November 18, 2019 Report Share Posted November 18, 2019 OMG, I can't believe you're back!!! I think I might've messaged you a few times? Just to let you know, I am back too!! So my story is a little different, but I will explain it all soon. Soooooo good to have you back and soooo glad you're okay!!! You can do this!! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post hyper_critical Posted November 18, 2019 Popular Post Report Share Posted November 18, 2019 MFA and LT! Ha wow. Just checked into this site for the first time in a WHILE and saw you two getting after it. A-mazing! Live in the Middle East now and am pretty busy. Hope everyone's doing great. I'm like...a full fledged adult and have been clean longer than I used Adderall. Whoa. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted November 18, 2019 Report Share Posted November 18, 2019 OMG, that is so awesome!!! I can't believe you live in the middle east!! Good on ya! Getting ready to post..makes me so happy to see you "old timers" still here and back again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.