Light at the end of the tunnel

[JRM]

I have been, no, was on adderrall for 12 years.  For the first 7 or 8 years it wasn't a problem but the last 4 plus years of abusing it has cost me dearly.  I have lost my personality, caused pain to those who love me most, seen my mental health deteriorate, and have lost the ability to enjoy things and feel genuine happiness.  Like others I have tried to taper down, but I agree with those that say cold turkey is the best way to go.  I always made the excuse that due to bills and other obligations I had to stay the course and keep using.  However, I finally realized I was losing my life to the effects of long term use and abuse of adderrall and I had rather lose my home than my life or to continue a life addicted.  My therapist diagnosed me as bi-polar a couple years ago, but I knew what he did not, that the abuse of adderrall was at the heart of the matter and made it appear to those who didnt know my secret that I was bipolar.  

I have a long and rough road ahead of me.  For so long I felt deep down I was heading down a tunnel with no light, just continuous darkness.  At least after cutting my Dr and access off I can see a shimmer of light at the of that tunnel.  I know it will take months and maybe years, but each day I will be a little closer to my old self.  I appreciate all the posts and information on this site as it has been very helpful and Im sure it will continue to be as I weather the coming storm.