Some important observations I've made about Adderall

[LiberatedMind]

It makes my moments easier, but my life harder.
This is by far the most important realization I made about Adderall.  My everyday chores/experiences may be "enhanced" or "easier" with Adderall taking care of them for me, but the quality of my life drastically decreases as a whole.  This observation plagues me, because I know it is true.  And I relapsed, even after I realized this observation.

 

Quitting Adderall, as hard of a decision as it may be, is nowhere near as hard as STAYING off of Adderall.
Quitting while experiencing the pain of the hell that Adderall puts you through is easy, relatively speaking.  Any change you make in your life is easy once the pain of staying the same overpowers the pain of the change in question.  Yeah it is scary and the fearful thought of "how will I function without it" is kind of drowned out by the pain of your experience on it once you have had enough of destroying yourself.  Once that pain disappears into the background however, getting farther and farther away many months later, it becomes more of a distant memory that doesn't seem half as bad once life returns back to normal again, and when normal everyday shit is boring.  Especially when you realize that you simply don't enjoy things like you used to, THIS is the danger zone!!!!!! And it could happen fucking 7 months later after you've been 100% clean no problem!!!

 

It is not enough to simply quit.  There has to be some long and/or short term aspirations/goals/dreams that DIRECTLY benefit from not taking Adderall!
I find that just focusing on quitting with nothing else added in the picture to take your mind off of Adderall (or even better, to make you feel thankful you are not on it), makes quitting much harder.  For me at the present time this is about getting more into shape.  Off of Adderall, my physical conditioning is insane.  I could spend 45 minutes weightlifting and right after that incorporate 45 minutes HIIT.  On Adderall, even if one or two days after taking it, I am thankful if I can even make it 30 minutes total before I am winded!  I am trying to find other activities as well.  Not just the gym.  Ultimately, my goal is to not even think about Adderall, due to the fact that there are way too many important things I am working on that Adderall will directly damage.  Imagine not even thinking about it.  You know, like someone who has never taken it?  How awesome would that be!!!!

 

If you made the decision to quit permanently, but haven't gotten rid of your pills, then you haven't made the decision to quit.
I am guilty of this myself.  And my biggest reason for not throwing them away is "what if there is just one time that I REALLY need them?  How about I'll ONLY do it that one time, and ONLY if I truly really need to?"....  Yeeeaaaaahhhhhh right.  Welcome to self-deception.  Nobody can scam you as good as you can scam yourself.  The ship cannot sail unless you untie the rope from port.  Flush them down the fucking toilet.  

 

You are addicted for life, even if you never pop an Adderall again.
This one may sound extreme, but this is the way I truly feel about Adderall.  After 7 months of being clean, while admittedly not a super long time being clean, it IS substantial given that it was cold turkey after obsessive extended daily use - I very quickly (within a week) fell into the EXACT same patterns of use and behavior as I did when I was at my lowest point with Adderall.  Like no issues whatsoever getting right back into the swing of things.

 

Feelings often follow action, not the other way around.
This came from my experience in sales, where newbies would only attempt to make sales once they feel confident and happy and when the "right moment" comes around.  Of course, all the hesitance just increased their anxieties (and my own when I would do this).  Jumping into action will follow by the appropriate feelings.  Just take the first step.  This realization is more of a general realization and kind of experimental because most of the time after I quit I felt lethargic a lot.  And I am sure that in the beginning it was real, but how long can it possibly last?  I am starting to think because I became accustomed to not pushing myself DESPITE not "feeling like it", I was in a constant state of lethargy and I blamed it on quitting Adderall, even though it had nothing to do with Adderall at a certain point.  I am starting to think I should just push myself to go out even if I am tired, and while being out my mood and energy levels will pick up.  

 

Does anyone here share my observations, or is this all purely my own subjective experience?

[JF99]

Great post and great reminders. Thank you for sharing!

[Socially awkward]

On 24/03/2019 at 1:06 AM, LiberatedMind said:

Quitting Adderall, as hard of a decision as it may be, is nowhere near as hard as STAYING off of Adderall.
Quitting while experiencing the pain of the hell that Adderall puts you through is easy, relatively speaking.  Any change you make in your life is easy once the pain of staying the same overpowers the pain of the change in question.  Yeah it is scary and the fearful thought of "how will I function without it" is kind of drowned out by the pain of your experience on it once you have had enough of destroying yourself.  Once that pain disappears into the background however, getting farther and farther away many months later, it becomes more of a distant memory that doesn't seem half as bad once life returns back to normal again, and when normal everyday shit is boring.  Especially when you realize that you simply don't enjoy things like you used to, THIS is the danger zone!!!!!! And it could happen fucking 7 months later after you've been 100% clean no problem!!!

 

If you made the decision to quit permanently, but haven't gotten rid of your pills, then you haven't made the decision to quit.
I am guilty of this myself.  And my biggest reason for not throwing them away is "what if there is just one time that I REALLY need them?  How about I'll ONLY do it that one time, and ONLY if I truly really need to?"....  Yeeeaaaaahhhhhh right.  Welcome to self-deception.  Nobody can scam you as good as you can scam yourself.  The ship cannot sail unless you untie the rope from port.  Flush them down the fucking toilet.  

 

I can relate to EVERYTHING you have said in your post! I had to come back and re-read this tonight. These 2 points above are the ones I’m struggling with the most 26days into quitting.

Anhedonia- i have reached a point over these past 2 days whereby I feel bored and underwhelmed with everything in life right now. I am not enjoying any of the things I once did and a couple of times I caught myself thinking “this would be so much more fun if I could just take a small 30mg (6 pills) of dexamphetamine”.

The point you raised about not flushing the last of the pills is the one that has resonated with me the most. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do this and my intention was to physically take them all before my holiday. I was so unwell in the 2 days leading up to my flight that I just couldn’t. I know I have approximately 20 tablets in my top drawer waiting for me when I fly home. It’s enough to get me through 1 or maybe 2 days at work. It’s actually pathetic of me to be thinking like this whilst encouraging others on here to remain clean and to not give up but it’s honestly how I’ve been feeling these last couple of days.

i know this shit will only get harder each time I relapse and quit until I eventually die from it. I don’t want to be that person. All the stories I’ve read from the others who are roughly around the 2-3 yr mark are generally positive and inspirational which is one of the main reasons I’m trying my hardest to hang in there and wait for this to pass and things to improve. 

[LiberatedMind]

On 3/30/2019 at 8:13 AM, Socially awkward said:

I can relate to EVERYTHING you have said in your post! I had to come back and re-read this tonight. These 2 points above are the ones I’m struggling with the most 26days into quitting.

Anhedonia- i have reached a point over these past 2 days whereby I feel bored and underwhelmed with everything in life right now. I am not enjoying any of the things I once did and a couple of times I caught myself thinking “this would be so much more fun if I could just take a small 30mg (6 pills) of dexamphetamine”.

The point you raised about not flushing the last of the pills is the one that has resonated with me the most. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do this and my intention was to physically take them all before my holiday. I was so unwell in the 2 days leading up to my flight that I just couldn’t. I know I have approximately 20 tablets in my top drawer waiting for me when I fly home. It’s enough to get me through 1 or maybe 2 days at work. It’s actually pathetic of me to be thinking like this whilst encouraging others on here to remain clean and to not give up but it’s honestly how I’ve been feeling these last couple of days.

i know this shit will only get harder each time I relapse and quit until I eventually die from it. I don’t want to be that person. All the stories I’ve read from the others who are roughly around the 2-3 yr mark are generally positive and inspirational which is one of the main reasons I’m trying my hardest to hang in there and wait for this to pass and things to improve. 

I am happy that you were able to connect to my post.  I hope so much for you that you will gather enough strength and willpower to make the decision that you truly need to make.  Every day is precious.  Days pass in an instant.  Do not allow those pills in your drawer to rob you of your life.  I support you, my friend!