Hi! My Story + Questions For You!

[Stirl87]

Hi All

I've been looking through the forums for some time and definitely gained a lot of knowledge through reading everyone's (brave) stories!  Thank you for all of the content creators.  I wanted to share my experience here and ask for some advice.

Background: I'm 31 years old working professional.  I started doing Concerta (essentially Adderall, but let's just call it Adderall here) just over 1.5 years ago to deal with workplace stress and get ahead in my career.  Started with 18mg long acting pills and graduated to 27mg after about 4 months.  For the last ~6 months of my addiction I would take one 27mg pill in the morning, and between half of another pill (I would cut the pill in half) and two pills (total 54mg) Monday-Friday.  When my prescription would run out, I would stop doing Adderall until it reset.

Quitting Adderall: In Mid December (~3 months ago) I quit Adderall.  The reason for doing this was I was getting some extreme vision problems / concentration problems which would be there whether I took the Adderall or not - although it was slightly less intense when I took the Adderall.  

Symptoms:  The first month was brutal after stopping Adderall.  I think they reflect what many people have reported here: depression / feeling alone, foggy thoughts, memory difficulty, difficulty finishing tasks, lethargy, and also some vision changes (I couldn't focus on one object at a time).

Now that I am about 3 months into my "withdrawal", I am still having some vision problems which make me feel dizzy/unbalanced.  I am also vomiting in the mornings (first thing and sometime throughout the day, usually going away in the evening).  

My questions are:

• Is doing the cocaine the handful of times I did likely to have any permanent side effects? I am so afraid that I have ruined my brain
• Does anyone else experience the vision changes / vomiting / nausea at this interval (3 months after quitting)?  It seems to be a rare withdrawal symptom
• Given the quantity and timeline of Adderall use I outlined above, when would it be expected to start feeling "normal"?  I know this varies person-to-person, but I am really looking for some re-assurance that things will improve going forward!  This experience is really impacting my relationship with my Fiance and my Mother which is the last thing in the world I want!

Thanks SO much for your time reading the above and thought in responses.  I owe a lot to this forum already (even if it is my first post!)

[DrewK15]

Welcome to the forums @Stirl87, I’m glad you’ve found us. First of all, I think it’s doubtful you’ve endured permanent brain damage from the drug use you describe. Many of us have fully recovered from far more extreme usage patterns. At my absolute worst I was drunk and high on coke, Concerta, Adderall, and weed. All at the same time. I consider my mind to have returned to pre-Adderall functionality around 9 months sober. There is definitely hope for you. My vision changed as well. A simple visit to the eye doctor for an adjustment to my contact/glasses prescription fixed the problem for me. I’d try that if you haven’t already.

If I had to guess, my hunch is you will be feeling better pretty soon. Maybe a couple more months. You sound like someone who doesn’t need stimulants, but loves how they feel. I was the same way. If you haven’t tried amphetamines (Adderall/Vyvanse) please don’t. You will probably love it and it might ruin your life. Commit to a drug free life now and save yourself the pain. It sounds like you have a lot to live for.

[Stirl87]

Thank you @DrewK15 for your quick response and I'm so happy for your recovery!  You're correct - I didn't need Concerta - I took them to excel at my job (which is now suffering tremendously as a result).  Needless to say I'm done with anything mind-altering (maybe with the exception of the occasional beer and caffeine, eventually!).  I started with ritalin back in University mostly during exam times and the odd night out and didn't touch it again until more recently.  What a mistake!  

Thank you again for putting me at ease.  I think that Concerta is an amphetamine, however!

[DrewK15]

It sounds like you are in a good place, keep it up! Concerta/Ritalin (methylphenidate) is a phenethylamine. Still a stimulant, and still highly relatable on this forum, but a little bit different than amphetamines. 

[Stirl87]

Thanks for educating me tonight @DrewK15! How long were you on amphetamines and what was your reason for going on it? The more I read about it, the more it seems that my story is relatable.  Unfortunately, it seems like those of us who abused amphetamines in University are now taking them into the workforce.  A hard lesson well learned.

Thank you for being such a great resource

[DrewK15]

@Stirl87 I was introduced to Adderall by a friend at a party, just by chance. I was instantly hooked and felt like it “fixed” me. I’m a shy, sensitive type and always hated that about myself. Adderall instantly made me into the outgoing, more assertive person I always wanted to be. There’s more to my addiction, but that was the initial draw for me. A couple weeks later I picked up my first prescription from a psychiatrist. I used for 4 years before I got clean; as prescribed for 3 years and binge use for 1. Started when I was 22 and quit at 26.