jessiem Posted April 20, 2012 Report Share Posted April 20, 2012 Hello everyone. It's been awhile since I have visited this site. I have read through several topics and, at this point, I needed a reminder as to why it was so important for me to stop taking adderall! There was one person who mentioned that you will begin to forget the bad experiences on adderall and that the good will overshadow the bad in memory. VERY TRUE! I took adderall consistently for 10 years (except when I was pregnant with my son). It got me through college. I miss it so much. It has been kind of a shitty year and a half to be honest. But, it's better than being trapped in the adderall dungeon! However, I've drank beer to help motivate me, I've smoked pot to help with depression! Both replacement crutches to help the cripple (that is, what was me after quitting addies). Although, they haven't really helped, they have just cushioned my reality! So, now 18 months in and still struggling with my addiction, I am at a point where I am ready to get healthy. Really, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired! So, on that note, if it takes 3 years to feel motivated again then the wait is worth it! You may be crippled for a long, long time..but finding yourself again will be around the corner. It may be a long corner, but I truely believe it is there! Quitting adderall is sooooo hard, and it seems that everyone just doesn't understand because the adderall high can be hidden so well. So why can't it be overcome so easily?! Someone also mentioned an adderallic's constant bombardment on artificial dopamine and norepinephrine. Makes sense. Which is why you really don't care about how productive you are; just that you get it done and in a sloppy way. That has been my experience after 18 months. Sure, beer and pot have probably slowed my progress. But, having no access to any RX to help with depression, anxiety, laziness, tiredness, (all effects of quitting adderall) I am to the point where I am ready to become more healthy. I know that it will take work to lose the 20 lbs I have gained, to be motivated on my own, to function without a crutch and not be crippled. It was 10 years of artificial brain chemistry...BOTTOM LINE! So, recovery is going to take some time. I have had a few pills here and there throughout the past 18 months. Although they have helped me get stuff (like laundry) done, they bring me right back to the horror of insomnia and the constant thinking about how much of a failure I have become! Lies, lies, lies! My addicted brain tells me! Don't believe the adderall! It lies! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted April 21, 2012 Report Share Posted April 21, 2012 Hey Jessie, Welcome back. It definitely is a difficult and persistant mental battle. I would though stop taking pills here and there though. That sounds like playing with fire to me. Adderall is no longer an option for me. Recovery for me has, in part, been over the months distancing myself from that "invincible" feeling that adderall gave me. I think that's really important to breaking the psychological addiction. Learning to forget it, to despise it as an unnatural/altered state, and to not idealize it in the mind anymore. When you take it every now and then, you put that feeling back fresh in your mind. And then your mind has to work to start forgetting it. Stay strong...And flush the rest of your stash! You don't need them laying around only to tempt you!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PostAdderall Posted April 28, 2012 Report Share Posted April 28, 2012 Quitting Adderall is like learning to a adjust to being a different person, with different shortcomings, interests, and abilities. It takes time, especially when you are flooded with memories of who you "used to be." Most of it is in your head - which is not to say that it isn't real - just that it's not biological. I would recommend reading the book the "Feeling Good Handbook" to help you correct some of your thinking patterns in a way that will help you ultimately be more positive, productive, and accepting of who you are. It is easy infer that after quitting adderall it is inevitable to feel lousy, tired, unproductive, and mentally slow. I don't believe this is biologically inevitable. The way you think sharply impacts how you lead your life, and you can change how you think -- at the end of the day, it is the only thing you truly do have control over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jessiem Posted April 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted April 28, 2012 InRecovery: Yes. I agree. Stop the addies every now and then and for good. After 10 years, I quit November 5, 2010. Went into outpatient re-hab for 6-weeks and was off adderall for 7 months before I had my first few pills. To be honest, it was my mother who had supplied me with some pills after quitting, when she came to visit at the end of May 2011. She would then send them to me (of course I was practically begging as I no longer had access to a prescription) through the mail (prob a weeks worth) once a month during the summer and early fall months. The last time I took an adderall was September 1, 2011. Yes, the most difficult part is the mental battle! Only now (18 months after 120mg daily(well 7 months totally without)), do I feel like I am starting to feel okay without it. Accepting that I may not ever totally use my degree in elementary education (prob won't become a teacher). Accepting that my house may never be as emaculately clean as before. Accepting that this recovery may take years! I accept it all. Because, my husband is happy, my son is happy, and I am now happy (most of the time)! But, I still will not deny, that I was substituting for awhile (beer and pot) slowing my progress a great deal. Thank you for listening. I just needed to share my experience and that feels good. I appreciate responses soooo much! But, if you don't respond, I still can appreciate our shared experiences on this awful drug that truely lies to you! (p.s. I don't have a stash, haven't had one since I called my doc back in Nov. 2010 to let them know I had an addiction prob, and (thankfully) my mom stopped getting addies when they had the shortage last year). So, no access is a good thing! Post-Adderall: I will look for "The Feeling Good Handbook." I appreciate your insight into the mental challenge that by far trumps the physical challenge of quitting adderall. Thank you for responding! I hope that we can keep up this conversation. Because, even though it's been months since I've used adderall, I am far from being out of the woods. Good luck to you all! God Speed! Love, Jessie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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