finally 10days

[tinybuddha]

I am a daily lurker on this site for longer than I would like to admit. I have not written a post in a long time because I was always waiting to be able to finish my story with a happy ending that would inspire other people, but it is taking me longer than I ever imagined. I have finally made some progress, but nowhere near a happy ending yet. Thank you, for those that wrote me and kept me in your prayers after my relapse post months back. It seems odd but those responses gave me some desperately needed hope! In the last few months I have struggled with stimulant addiction(adderall/Vyvanse) but today I am 10days clean of all prescription pills. I am taking it one day at a time but at least headed in right directions. I moved across the country and left my abusive relationship and started therapy for first time. Honestly, my life is still a mess in many ways but if I keep waiting for everything to be perfect I might not ever find the 'perfect' moment. Thank you to everyone that posts and shares on this site, it really is the matters!

[Finito]

Wow...you're story is eerily similar to my own. I've been addicted to stimulant meds for three years after a Psych prescribed Vyvanse for my ADD symptoms which i recently concluded have more to do with PTSD than ADD. I was in the midst of trying to leave a long term emotionally abusive marriage when I got the diagnosis. I succeeded in leaving, however, found Adderall and Vyvanse helped give me the edge and energy to continue on with my challenging life raising two children and a demanding career.

I flushed my Adderall 10 days ago...was taking 30 mg per day. This is my third time trying to quit. First time, after being on it for two years I almost had four months but went back. Second time, flushed it and was almost three months and went back. Third time....it's going to be the charm. I am going to turn 50 next week and the best birthday gift I could ever give myself is the gift of being off such a destructive and dangerous substance. Adderall, combined with the toxic levels of stress in my life, was pushing me to the verge of a major health catastrophe...and I'm so grateful I gave myself a wake up call about the reality of my situation.

I'm an all or nothing kind of gal, so I went cold turkey. This time I prepared for the depression, lethargy and fatique by researching supplements to treat ADD and amphetamine withdrawl and went and bought L-tyrosine, coq10, Vitamin C, 5-htp and sam-e. I have been diligently taking them daily and honestly, although I am totally struggling with mood swings and crying bouts...my thinking seems clearer and I'm not horribly tired. I am so grateful not to be dealing with the anxiety, nervousness, overdrive on steroid feeling that my last several months on Adderall had brought me. I was living so off course from what I knew to be a healthy lifestyle: drinking like a fish everynight to try and calm down, popping a Xanax to sleep for only 4-5 hours per night and waking up to do my crazy world all over again the next day. I honestly feel like I am waking up from a bad dream...and I'll take the pain of withdrawl in order to cross to the other side of sanity.

I'm sleeping WELL. Not during the day at all...but I'm actually dreaming again. I loathe to think what three years of such little sleep did to my body. When I first started Adderall, I was in fantastic physical shape...had the body of a 35 year old at 47. I admit I loved the weight control Adderall provided...and the energy to stay up late and complete work projects after putting kids to bed. I was always perceived as some kind of Super Woman by friends and family...I suppose I thrived on that too. However, after a couple of years the honeymoon wore off and I started seeing the toll it was taking on me...lack of exercise (who has time for physical exercise when their brain is on overload?) and too much drinking put weight around my middle; horrible nutritional deficits when I think about how little I really ate but what I did was just junky carbs; and the worst was the toll it took on my relationship with my children who needed their mom to be whole and present...not strung out on a stimulant medication ready to bit their head off at the slightest provocation. Indeed, my motivation to flush my Rx 10 days ago was my 11 year old daughter's observation that I was constantly distracted, never listening, never sitting down to relax and drinking too much. I'm so grateful my child said the painful things she did because it struck the nerve it needed to.

I, too, was a lurker on this board and I'm so very appreciative you are all here. The emotional support and great information provides me with exactly what I need to stay on this path...I pray I never look back again.