Recently quit Adderall- very open to advice

[anoncollegestudent]

Hi everyone,
I’ve been following this forum for the last week or so, and since today was finally the day I decided to flush my prescription and quit, I figured I'd make a post to share my Adderall addiction story. 
I was a sixteen-year-old high school student when I first tried Adderall. I had been studying for finals all week with one of my closest friends, and after a few days of us unsuccessfully trying to study together, my friend gave me one of her Adderall to try. She told me the Adderall would probably help me focus and be able to get work done, which I hadn’t been able to do all week. I took the pill not thinking much of it considering it was what she took every day and was fine I figured I’d be fine too. Of course, I instantly felt the effects of Adderall and continued to borrow that friend’s medication a few times a year throughout the rest of high school, after we both graduated I didn’t take any more Adderall or have any other experience with it until about a year and a half ago. 
Around that same time (about a year and a half ago) I went through a traumatic experience while home from college on Winter break. The aftermath of that event left me in a constant state of fear and anxiety which quickly began affecting every area of life for me. Every part of every day gave me extreme anxiety, to the point where there was nothing that didn’t cause me anxiety. It didn’t matter if I was seeing friends, going to the grocery store, or getting ready in the morning, I was always anxious. This continued in the weeks leading up to the start of my Spring semester and only continued from there. After two to three weeks of spending all day in bed crippled with anxiety, I decided that something was going on with me and I needed professional help with whatever was going on. I booked an appointment with the mental health services on campus hoping to get help with the anxiety I was unable to manage on my own. At the appointment, I talked to a psychologist and tried to explain everything I was going through and my guess as to what caused my extreme persistent anxiety (the traumatic event). I don’t remember most of what was said at that appointment, but I do remember that I took two diagnostic questionnaire-type things. One for ADHD and one for severe depression. The results of both questionnaires led the psychologist to give me a referral for a psychiatrist. About a week or so later I walked into that psychiatrist appointment and explained that I had been referred based on my results from the two questionnaires I took with the psychologist. My new psychiatrist asked me more questions and then told me that we could basically try and treat both depression and anxiety and then go from there. At that point, I was put on 20mgs Adderall XR, and 150 of Wellbutrin. I ended up not trying the Wellbutrin because I was scared of trying an anti-depressant, and at first, only started using the Adderall. The Adderall was great for the first six-ish months. My previous anxiety had gone down significantly, I started going to class, and I was overall feeling like myself again. I didn’t spend hours trapped in my head anymore, Adderall made me feel like I could do things anxiety-free. After those first six or so months, it didn’t feel like the Adderall stopped working, but more so that I began to deal with more anxiety again. This went on for a while until I got the idea that since my Adderall prescription was what initially helped calm my anxiety, it probably still is- I just need to take more. Which is exactly what I did. I started taking more and more Adderall to avoid feeling my emotions, purposefully turning myself into a robot. To make things worse, I just keep doing it without thinking, without mentioning what I was doing to anyone. As soon as I started feeling anxious again I would just start taking an extra Adderall, or part of an extra Adderall. I started running out of my script faster and faster so I’d buy more off of other people when I could. When I couldn’t I’d just wait it out. Because to me, two weeks of the month dealing with extreme anxiety, knowing I’d be able to make it go away once I had my next prescription was totally fine with me. Since finding this forum I have realized that binging my Adderall is not a solution to any of my problems, and the longer it goes on will only make things worse and cause more problems than it already has. With that being said I have decided that today will be my last day on Adderall. So far I have flushed the rest of my pills, and called my doctor to explain the situation and that I could not have my prescription refilled anymore. 
Any advice or suggestions are welcome. Since I took 80 mgs of Adderall today, this entire post might be completely scattered and all over the place. I figured it would be a good idea to get it out nonetheless. 

[DelaneyJuliette]

I hope you are able to successfully "stay quit" after flushing your meds, but if you have trouble, know that you are not alone!  This has been a multi-year endeavor for many of us, and what I just want you to know is that no matter what, you CAN do it.  Adderall DOES NOT MAKE LIFE BETTER.  It is so insidious.  It very often does make life better -- for six months to a year -- and then it creeps into every area of life and makes it so that you can't remember ever having been a functional adult without it.  I promise you that no matter how this journey goes for you, you will be better off without the adderall.  Adderall is a stimulant, and so even though it makes the anxiety go away at first, in the long run it ends up making it worse.  (I convinced myself for many years that it was the answer to my anxiety...  but after months off of it it was amazing how the anxiety decreased!)  Keep posting here; you are not alone and you can do it!  Proud of you for taking the first step!  P.S.  your story sounds really similar to mine, except I was about 19 and in college the first time I tried it.  Now I'm almost 40 and on day 7 again LOL.  But each time quitting has gotten easier and I feel very convicted this time around.