I Gotta Get Outta This Place

[newdaydawning]

Hello, friends. My story is probably a bit different from most of yours, due simply to my age. I am 59. I started using my son's prescribed Adderall 3 years ago when I went back to school for a second masters degree. I obtained my degree on May 12th. I had promised myself I would stop taking it when I no longer "needed" it-i.e. when my last class was over. It is now June 17th, and I am still taking approx. 40mgs per day. I take one 10 mg ER capsule in the morning and then supplement it with 5 mgs IR (cutting 10 mgs in half) as "needed" throughout the day. My son is a second year law student, legitimately diagnosed with ADD, and he takes 2 15 mg ER caps per day. (I now have my own scripts; it's astonishing how easy it was to convince our family doctor that I have adult ADD, although I absolutely do not.)

Anyway, my son is trying to help me quit. He's been through rehab (during high school) for other substance abuse issues (due to self-medication before he was properly diagnosed, in my view, but perhaps not). He knows how to go off meds and illicit drugs, in other words, and he advised me that cold turkey is the best way, echoing what I've read on here so far.

I am a recovered alcoholic of long standing (never went the AA route, so reject their edict that there's no such thing as a recovered alcoholic; rather everyone is always one forever and ever, etc. I agree with the forever and ever bit, but since I've not had a drink or single relapse in over 25 years, I believe I have earned the right to call myself recovered. I am also an ex heavy cigarette smoker, ditto length of time and total cold turkey approach. Btw, quitting drinking was a cake walk compared to quitting tabacco. That was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, including childbirth!

I find it interesting that I am unable to walk away from Adderall the way I did with alcohol and cigarettes (although cigs took several attempts and relapses, eventually I kicked it, because I was hospitalized for a ruptured appendix and on a morphine drip for 6 weeks. By the time I was able to walk again, nicotine was completely out of my system. And yet the first thing I wanted to do was take the elevator down to the hospital lobby and buy a pack of cigarettes! (This was in the days when there were cigarette machines in hospital lobbies-can you imagine?

My son encouragingly tells me if I could quit those two drugs, I can do this, too. I know I need help with this one. He's the only confidant I have in this; I know he won't judge me and he understands what it's about. My husband and daughter don't know. They do not share our "addiction prone" personalities. Lucky them.

So here I am. My son told me to probably stay away from forums like this, because he's afraid I'll read a lot of misinformation and start thinking I can't do this. But this one seems different, so Ima give it a shot here.

Thanks for reading my story and I would be grateful for any input, comments, responses, etc.

I am leaving for New Hampshire in a few days, where I spend my summers, and that's a pretty perfect place to put something like this in action-no distractions, the staggering beauty of nature all around me, no schedule to keep, lots of exercise and plenty of outdoor pursuits, etc. However, the past 3 summers up there did not motivate me to stop taking it. So we'll see what happens this time.

Thanks for listening! Wish me luck.

[newdaydawning]

*XR, not ER*; sorry!

[Greg]

hey newdaydawning,

It sounds like you will be in a position of minimizing work and obligations which will be helpful in beating this.

You might want to work up a burst of enthusiasm to quit and then just take one big breath and call your doctor and tell them you have a problem and to stop prescribing it to you and then flush your remaining pills. OR simply ask your son to do it for you. I'm sure he would love to do that seeing you addicted like this. You may want find yourself most motivated to do this when you are really hating these pills and what they are doing to you, like when you are withdrawing from them or running out or whatever. But anytime really is a perfect time to call your doctor and cease your supply...

Ok, you will feel horrible after doing so for a short while, but boy will it be worth it in the long run. Once you cut off your supply you cant really keep your addiction going. I realize a lot of us have done something like that on the site and are clean. Its a really effective way to quit.

All it takes is just one burst of enthusiasm to get rid of your stash and supplier. And it will pay off..You can do it.

[Serena]

Hey there,

I hope that you have been able to get a plan and stop taking the Add while on your vacation. If not, don't beat yourself up for it. I can relate to what you said since I have recovered from alcohol and I also did not follow AA (have many qualms with their approach for similar reasons--full recovery is possible!) but I was never a smoker. Quitting drinking was hard but I have struggled with Adderall for years and never been able to fully bite in in the butt. Until now that is. I think it is good your son can support you, support is necessary to quit an addiction like Adderall. Whenever I get cravings I try to sit with my feelings and remind myself that they are just fleeting thoughts and emotions; they do not control me. I also made sure to get rid of all Adderall and things associated with it so I don't feel tempted. How have things been going? You can quit this!

[highonlife]

You definitely have what it takes to quit! When I am tempted to take a pill it is obviously when I am pressured to perform or get something done that may require a lot of effort. That is when I take a deep breath and decide to 1) man up and do it or 2) screw it cause it isn't that important after all.