I don't get it. At all.....

[JerseyGuy]

I am 23 years old and have been taking adderall for about 4 years. I hate how adderall makes me feel, but I take it anyway. Here is how it basically goes every month. I go to the doctor, get my script filled, take it for a week (way above the amount which is prescribed for me) and then by the end of the week, end up flushing the majority of my pills down the toilet because I feel so run down and disgusting. I get no sleep. I barely eat, and my personality turns to crap. Then I spend about 2 weeks feeling great. I exercise, eat healthy, socialize more. Then as it gets closer to the time where I can get it filled again, I start to invent reasons in my head as to why I should get it filled, and then I do. I took it for 3 years in college and it helped me a lot, but the past year, I basically have taken it for no reason. I finally got a full time job with a salary about a month ago, and I am realizing that this weird obsession with adderall is going to eventually cost me my job. Basically, does anyone have any advice on how I can stop convincing myself to start taking it again? Can anyone relate to this?

Thank You

[John256]

I feel you man. I am 24 years old and in college. I have been taking it for about 3 years now to get through school, and for about a year now I have been through the cycle your going through. I usually go for like a week or two without it, and then even when things are starting to get better without adderall, I convince myself somehow its a better idea to re-up on my prescription instead of just staying off them.

This is just my theory, but I think maybe two things happen to cause you/me to want to go back..

1. The addiction makes up reasons for you to go back to the drug. So your head tells you that even though your enjoying life sober, all those things would be a million times better if you took adderall again.

2. Its been long enough since you last used (if its been a week or two) that you forget all the bad things, the negative side effects, and your memory selectively only remembers the awesome times on the drug.

We forget why we got off it in the first place. Kindof like,..if you have ever quit a really crappy job but still have a friend who works there, so you maybe visit him one time from your new, better job, and it doesn't seem so bad there anymore. Because your looking at things from the outside, and don't have to deal with all the bullshit ( a shitty boss, maybe bad work hours, ect) that made you want to drop it to begin with.

As far as advice, that Im not as sure on man. Alot of people say to write down and post all the reasons why your giving it up and post it in a place that you see everyday. Then if you get cravings, you just look at the list of all the reasons you hated it and you cant lie to yourself as easily to go back to using. Also, cold turkey is really hard, I had alot of help my first two weeks off by substituting popping a pill with drinking like,..3 cups of coffee. Its almost the same feeling, for the first twenty minutes anyway haha. Good luck man, I know where your coming from and hope you get out of that crazy cycle.

[Freedom's Wings]

Don't have much to add at the moment just here wishing you encouragement. Feelings of inadequacy rise within us all via the human experience... and Adderall may seem to insinuate that one is not of this species by stripping he/she of his/her innate and instinctual emotions, thought processes, and reactions. This directive can make one feel powerful and even unstoppable.. But this epiphany is not true, it is not real and it does not last! Although pride among other things make this drug insatiably tempting, if ever you are to truly live a happy and well balanced existence you must know and remember that

You and YOU alone ARE good enough. Adderall needs YOU to thrive, not the other way around. Stay strong!!

F.W.