How can I help my wife who abruptly stopped

[OldCoda]

I just found this website this evening while desperately searching for anything I can do to help my wife. I admit that I have not read or searched much here on this specific forum yet, but I plan to. I've spent several days trying to find things on Google that might help me to help her. I haven't been able to find or do much that can help, so I've decided to take a chance and create an account here in hopes to receive some experienced guidance.

Long story short - my wife was not a recreational user but was on a high (I think) dose of 60mg per day for the past several years. Recently she disclosed to me that she had started taking more than prescribed and a couple weeks ago she used up her whole prescription for the month in just 14 days. She has now been without Adderall for at least a week and her symptoms are getting very bad. Confusion, deep dark sadness, crying, outbursts of anger, irrational thoughts, and much more.

I don't judge her for this because many years ago I went through a prescription drug problem of my own and endured a very long (more than 6 months) of related issues and still years later I endure the lingering effects, but it was not Adderall or any kind of stimulent.

I want to help her but I don't know what to do.

Of course she can't tell her doctor that she used it all and of course I can't speak to her doctor about it. I just desperately want to try find a way to help her.

I have tried just making sure that I keep her hydrated with water and I make / provide her with nutritional meals even though I can't always convince her to eat. I have tried OTC things like Dramamine and Pepto Bismol to help with the extreme nausea that she's experiencing. Things like energy drinks are "off limits" because she stopped all those over a month ago. I've taken over all of the household duties and all the responsibilities and have told her not to worry about any of it, and to just rest and try to get in a peaceful place so to speak.

It's killing me to see her go through this and I'm desperate to try to help her but I just don't know what else to do. She's really breaking down right now this minute and saying some scary things. Even sitting by her side and trying to just be here for her and provide things like hydration / nutrition / OTC stuff and reminding her that this will pass is not helping at all.

Could anyone please recommend anything or give any advice as to how I can help her get through this? She is potentially going to lose her career because she is unable to make it to work or even handle some basic daily life tasks, and that's rough because we're in bad financial situations, but I am much more concerned about her health and how she feels and what she is going through. I want so badly to find a way to help her get through this but at the same time she gets angry even when I try to offer help. I really don't know what to do, as I've only had Adderall once in my life and things like this I cannot handle. For example, I took 10mg of Adderall once a long time ago and it made me feel crazy with harsh anxiety. So even though I have had a past experience of withdrawal from a medication myself years ago, I really just feel helpless and stupid in regard to what to do for her.

My sincere gratitude to anyone who responds with any suggestions that can help me help her. I would normally never get into this kind of personal stuff online but the situation is dire and I would do anything to help her and to make the horror she is going through just stop or at least ease up.

Thank you in advance for ANY input. I'll just call myself "OldCoda" on here because I could not think of a name that wasn't already taken and since we are in our 50's and I used to be a musician when we were young it was the only thing I came up with quickly.

I hope for any replies, thank you.

[sirod9]

I'm sorry you and your wife are going through this. I was taking upwards of 200 ml a day and quit cold turkey...but that was my choice. Because I hit bottom in my addiction and made the decision to flush my remaining prescription, I was able to face my withdrawal with acceptance and self love -which made a world of difference. It sounds like your wife ran out. Unfortunately, unless she comes to a place of acceptance and chooses to quit this drug, it will be much harder. I will say this, supplements (b vitamins (the shot if you can swing it; melatonin; magnesium; high quality vitamin C; green juices -turmeric and ginger wellness shots; butt loads of water; laughter; binge watching your favorite shows; tell her she is beautiful; if she is afraid of weight gain, tell her you would love her curves and all) just love and patience and nutrition). it took  6-7 days before the darkness lifted and I could be my silly self. Of course, I was not out of the woods, but the hardest part was over.

IF you can swing it financially, NAD+ IVs are super expensive, but are magically effective. but they are stupid expensive. I was only able to do it twice, but it helped me get through a particularly difficult withdrawal phase.

I told my staff manager that I was struggling with prescription drug addiction and was quitting. this was so the time I was taking from work and my decreased work performance at first would be understood. I understand not everyone has a good job with good folks, but you would be surprised at how understanding your superiors are. I was working with a therapist (which helped 100%). I also accepted in my mind that I may lose my job at first. I did not, of course. but I practiced detachment for my own sanity. 

she needs to decide whether or not she wants to keep doing this in her life. it is a scariest choice to make, because adderall convinces you that you will lose EVERYTHING if you quit - which is its biggest lie. Just be there for her, and understand that this may be the beginning of a long process of running out/refilling/crashing/refilling again, until she decides to stop riding the snake (lol). Also, telling her prescribing doctor she has an addiction will cut out the option of being able to get it again. this has saved my own sobriety on days I feel weak.

If anything, maybe the stories on this forum will give her hope. I was taking a ridiculous amount of Adderall a day. My job is not easy and I'm a single mom. I was able to get off of it cold turkey.

most of all - she should not be abusive towards you. there is no excuse for that. I know that some folks can be very abusive to their partners when they are withdrawing, that is unacceptable and not an excuse for treating your partner poorly. If that is not the case, just shower her with support and love, and get yourself some support outside of your relationship, because this may be a very long, bumpy ride. and you need to make sure you are taking care of yourself.

Good luck to you and her! 

[Tom23Jones]

You didn't really define what your trying to help your wife do.  It sounds like you might be just trying to get her to her next prescription refill and if thats the case, you two basically have to white knuckle it for a few weeks.  But in my opinion that is going to be a long road leading to more of the same of these types of abusing the script, running out, crashing, waiting, then refilling. Once you've abused it to this extent, theres usually no going back to moderation no matter what she says to convince you otherwise.

You mention not being able to tell the prescribing doctor but my instincts think that would be the number one course of action. She might hate you briefly but hopefully one day she'd recognize the endless cycle of hell you saved her from.

Good luck man, tough spot for sure.

[OldCoda]

I want to thank you both for your responses, and taking time out of your day to give your feedback & advice. Very valuable advice and opinions, thank you!

The only two reasons I have not responded until now are because, first of all, I used a new email service to sign up here and I wasn't receiving alerts of replies. Secondly, as you might be able to imagine, the past few weeks have been a roller-coaster of trying to manage everything involved.

To try to shorten / encapsulate my reply you both, this is where we're at now - a couple days after I posted this thread we were able to get her a new scrip for a smaller dose, which seemed hopeful as a temporary solution but she was very angry about the "brand". Apparently the brand that she received, which starts with a capital M, is considered "garbage" among experienced users of this medication. I would not have known that. But another few difficult days ensued because of her receiving a small amount of that brand. Fortunately she was able, through her practitioner and a different pharmacy, get a brand that starts with the capital T and meets her approval / needs. So despite the complications and the drastic drop in dosage (she's been allowed 30mg per day, 15mg twice a day) things have gotten much better. I'd like to think that the supplements, hydration, and compassion efforts helped, but ultimately I can see that the main issue is the medicine itself. At the moment things are stable, but it took a couple weeks to get here. There were definitely some very bad days, but at least the past few days have been a lot better.

One thing she knows for sure now - she was taking too much and she wants to work on a reduction plan. And while I can't really "spy" on her intake, it seems to me that she is abiding the new 30mg per day restriction.

It's so hard to watch someone go through this especially when you know what it feels like. Many years ago when I went down the wrong road with a prescription medication it nearly destroyed me and I'm thankful to be alive. That experience has made me very sensitive to what my wife is now dealing with, and I just want to help without seeming like I'm an enemy. After a lot of dark difficult days and nights I think we're at a point of progress - she seems to be doing fairly OK with the new reduced dose, and she also seems interested in trying to reduce dosage over time. We need to take it slow. I don't want to be her "med police" and "pill counter" because I know that can breed contempt, so I'm being very passive for the moment while she adjusts. Most all of the scary things she was saying have stopped, and we've had some "normal" days recently without much episodic incidents.

Again my apologies for not responding sooner. I've been so preoccupied with trying to hold things together (home, relations, communications, finances, etc...) that I'm running on fumes and finding it hard to keep up. 

Thank you both again so much for your replies. I appreciated it more than you know! 

I'm going to work on learning the private email account I set up so that I can figure out how to better stay on top of it. I'm grateful to have this forum to read and reference, especially since I think we're headed down a long slow road with this with her and our home. I definitely appreciative of the various bits of advice and perspectives you both presented. I'm very much trying to be loving and understanding, but also at the same time trying to be vigil about more danger signs and looking for progress in the right direction. Reading through both of your replies indicates the importance of both!